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“Lexie, you get the only say. There’s another thing I need to tell you first, though. Something few people know.”
He hesitated, and I groaned inwardly. I was an impulsive person and didn’t like to wait for things once I’d decided on them. After spending too much of my childhood waiting alone in dark spaces, I had no patience for it now.
“Spill it, Dave,” I growled.
Dave winced and, as frustrated as I was with him, I still had a sudden urge to run my fingers over the slight creases in the corners of his eyes.
The subtle lines on his face suited him, made him look ruggedly handsome.
“I had a daughter once,” he said. My arms ached to hold him at the clear pain in his voice. So I didn’t hold back.
I floated off Pala’s lap to wrap my arms and legs around Dave’s body, and the skin contact felt so right. As if the clothes between us had always been the only barrier we needed to overcome.
I braced myself for his story, knowing this was going to hurt.
thirty-seven
“Imetherata diner when I was on leave. She was about four years old and walked up to me, bold as brass, and demanded I tie her shoe for her.” He smiled sadly at the memory and my heart clutched with the knowledge this story would not end well.
“She looked like a tiny version of Maia, all blonde curls and blue eyes, but with seriously chubby cheeks. I asked her where her mother was and she just shrugged. Her mother came racing up a minute or two later, scolding her. She was beautiful. They both were, but also ragged and thin. I bought them both lunch, then took them to the zoo. Lainey stole my heart.”
His voice broke a little, saying her name out loud. I knew, without him having to say, that he was talking about the daughter, not the mother. “Three weeks later I had to go back on tour and I couldn’t leave her not knowing if she’d have enough to eat. So I married her mother and got them settled into a house on a nearby base before I left. I made sure they had access to my medical, and I put most of my pay into an account every week to cover food and expenses.
“The next year was tough, but Lainey’s drawings got me through. She’d ride her bike down to the post office on base and send them every few days. The post office staff knew where to send them and would address an envelope for her. I only got leave sporadically and her mother was unhappy every time I came home. She was always demanding more, hating being left alone. But Lainey was a little ray of sunshine, the cutest little thing. She’d give me the biggest hugs and cry when I left again.
“I suspected her mother had someone on the side, but I didn’t really care. We didn’t have that kind of relationship. I only cared that she was taking care of Lainey properly. Until I got a call one day, only hours after I landed back at my post.”
He stopped, and his whole body shook. The guys all closed in and wrapped around us. I could feel their worry and their care for Dave in the bond. I had an intense urge to bring him into that bond too, make him a part of us instead of always being on the outer ring.
“Her mother’s boyfriend was abusive. I didn’t know,” he said, his voice breaking. “He stayed away whenever I came home and took it out on her when I left. He wanted her to leave me, but she refused because she wouldn’t give up access to my medical plan and a guaranteed roof over her head. I found out all of this later, after he shot them both. It’s been over ten years, but I still feel empty without her hugs.”
He shuddered in our arms as his story wound to a horrifying conclusion. I could feel silent tears streaming down my face for this strong, caring, beautiful man who always gave so much of himself. Who took on a child and her mother, virtual strangers, because he couldn’t stand to see them suffering.
I’ve always found Dave incredibly attractive. He carried a dark energy underneath the solid surface that called to me. Yet over the years, I’ve also fallen in love with the kind heart that shines through in every action he takes, and the way he cares about people.
The cadets he brought with him to the farm were all kids he rescued off the streets when he retired. He knew stability and training would help keep them clean and out of trouble, but he no longer trusted the military with their futures. So he created his own small academy to train them himself.
He used military techniques to train them physically so they could handle themselves with whatever life threw at them, but also training methods to build their confidence, give them self respect and instill leadership qualities.
When Damon found out what he was doing, he invited Dave and the boys to come here and incorporate their training into security roles at the farm. The boys have flourished under the care of so many good men.
I’ve watched him with the boys and he’s tough but fair. Dave doesn’t ask them to do anything he won’t do himself. He also doesn’t sugarcoat anything. He’s honest about how tough life can be, while pushing them to be better. Yet the obvious care he has for them shines through.
I can only imagine how Dave was with his little girl. To know she died at the hands of an abuser who was in her life without him knowing, must have nearly destroyed him. I understood now why Dave had felt so compelled to help me in my work, but why he had also kept his distance from the women and children we helped.
Dave had spent his life creating families, yet he’d always been on the outside, keeping a part of himself tucked away. He did it with Lainey’s mom, with Leif and his mates, and with his cadets too. He cared, and he supported, but he held something of himself apart. It seemed Lainey was the only one who had ever completely broken through until now.
I realized he needed us, as much as we needed him, to break through those last walls he held around his heart. To bring him into the center of us, where he belonged. With his pack.
“Dave,” I choked out, my heart bleeding for him but unable to form the words. I’ve never been good at words, usually relying on my actions to express what I needed.
“It’s okay, Lexie,” he said as he brushed tears off my cheeks. He seemed lighter. As if by talking about his past, he had let go of something he had been holding to, too tightly.
Yet now, I could see him trying to do what he always did. Support everyone else and ignore his own needs. So I did the only thing I knew to comfort him, and what my omega instincts were screaming at me to do. I leaned forward and kissed him with all the desire and love I felt for him. He kissed me back just as fiercely, yet he pulled back far too quickly.
“It’s okay,” he repeated, as he tried to comfort me and it drove me insane. “We don’t have to resolve anything right now. It’s been a long day for you. We can talk about this more later.”
“No,” I said, pulling him into me tighter, refusing to let him create any distance between us. Especially after the death and desolation I’d seen outside our gates today. I needed him now. “Nobody can be sure of a later anymore, Dave. The world has gone to shit. We have to take what we can now, grab it with both hands and hold on tight.”
