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My steps halted as I came down the front steps. I could hear goats bleating somewhere and I suddenly needed a cuddle in the worst way. My mother’s other favorite animal was goats. Baby goats, in particular. I felt an aching need to be close to something she’d loved, as memories of my early years and my mother hit me.
I followed the sounds and found a barn at the bottom of the hill. There was a young man inside who had just finished milking the goats. He had two giant pails of milk.
“Um, hi,” I said awkwardly as I stepped inside the big barn door, not really sure if I should be there. “Is it okay if I hang out with the goats for a little while?”
He looked startled, but he recovered quickly. “Sure, just make sure you leave the barn door open when you go, so they have some fresh air until I come back and let them out. I need to take this milk up to the kitchen.”
“Thank you,” I said. He shrugged and blushed before he picked up the heavy pails and left quickly. He seemed shy.
I wandered around and pet the goats. I found a small tub of fruit cores near the milking pen. The young man had probably been intending to give them to the goats after milking as treats, but had forgotten about it when I arrived. I handed them out to a chorus of bleats. Then I found the baby goats in a pen up the back. I grabbed an old cushion off the railing and climbed right in there with them. As soon as I sat down, they immediately jumped all over me. One baby climbed up onto my chest and I pulled him into my arms for a snuggle.
That’s when the heavy emotions hit me, sharp and sudden. A wash of grief for my mother and uncle, that I hadn’t had a chance to really process yet. Chased by the residual fear of knowing I was being abducted and not being able to do anything about it as the drugs had set in. The shock of seeing Nicole stabbed and men shot in front of me. Silent tears tracked down my cheeks. I tried to dash the first few away, but soon there was a torrent falling into the soft fur of the baby goat in my arms.
A well of panic grew in my chest, but it wasn’t mine.
“Mate, where are you?” Wolf asked in the bond, his voice anxious. It only made me cry harder, remembering their panic grasping at me as the world had faded to black. I tried to send him images, my thoughts chaotic. “We’re coming, okay? Sit tight.”
A few minutes later, running footsteps skidded to a stop in front of the barn door and my mates piled inside. Wolf crouched down outside the pen and examined me carefully as River, Ryder, Nick, and Cary crowded behind him. I hid my face in damp fur.
“Talk to us, Ava,” Ryder said quietly. I tried, but more sobs came out. They looked at each other with wide eyes.
“Is it something we did?” Cary asked. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were awake. I could feel you unsettled, but I thought you were dreaming again. You must have gotten up when I went to the bathroom. I was reading in the living room while River and Ryder went for a run, and Wolf and Nick got breakfast. We only noticed you were gone when Wolf took some food up to you.”
I shook my head.
“You can’t do that to us, little bird,” River said as he crouched down next to Wolf. “Disappear after just being abducted.”
I looked up in shock, seeing their strained faces. River’s hand twitched as if he wanted to reach for me, but wasn’t sure if he should.
“I’m ssssoorry,” I cried. Realizing I’d made them worry for no reason. I hadn’t thought about that. “Went for a walk. But goats. Mom loved goats. Then this happened.” I waved at my face and the goat in my arms. I was sobbing through my broken words and I wasn’t sure how much they actually got, but their faces relaxed. They each pushed comfort at me.
“You’ve all been through a lot,” Nick said in his usual calm, gentle tone. “It’s going to take a while to process it all. Stuff’s going to come up, but we’ll be here for each other and work through it together, okay?”
I swallowed hard and nodded, trying to at least get my crying back down to a point I could talk properly. I wasn’t used to having people to lean on. Figuring out stuff myself was how I operated, and that wasn’t only because of the last decade. Growing up with a working single parent, I’d learned early on how to do things on my own. But he was right. We had each other now. It was just going to take a bit to get rid of old habits.
“Can you maybe let go of the goat, Ava?” Nick asked. I looked down at the baby goat and realized I had the poor thing in a headlock. He didn’t seem to mind, though. He had woken up and was licking my arm. I tried to let him go, but my arms wouldn’t work. I shook my head. He was my emotional support baby goat, so he was staying put.
Nick smiled at me and I figured he got some of that through the bond. “Can Wolf come in then? Maybe he can help settle your tears? I think he needs a hug, too.”
I nodded vigorously and Wolf climbed straight over the pen, picked both me and the baby goat up, and plonked us down in his lap. The other baby goats started jumping around in excitement until Wolf started his purring vibration. My whole body relaxed into him and my tears slowed to a trickle as his warmth flowed into me. Wolf purring was like cuddling up with a super soft, snuggly lion.
I looked down after a minute and sleeping baby goats encircled us. They were pressed up as close to Wolf as they could get.
I smiled up at him. He hadn’t said a word since he’d asked where I was through the bond earlier.
“Wolf’s barely spoken since we got back,” Cary said softly. Wolf flicked his gaze to Cary, but his eyes quickly returned to me.
I reached out to Wolf in the bond and realized his emotions were as messy as mine.
I ran my hand down his face. He’d been held captive for years, drugged, escaped, then found an entire pack and claimed us within days during an unexpected heat. Then had his omega abducted. It was a lot. We’d been bouncing from one crisis to another for days, weeks even. I wanted him to let me in, but that was a two-way street.How could I expect him to open up to me if I didn’t do the same?
“Oh, Wolf,” I whispered. “What do you need?”
“You,” he ground out and his eyes darkened, sending need spiking through me.
“You have me, Wolf. I’m right here.” He groaned as he leaned forward and kissed me as if I was his reason for living. I put the baby goat gently down on the hay and wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing myself as close as I could to him. His warmth melted my body and my heart. I shifted to straddle him, needing to feel him closer, and rubbed my body along the length of his. His hands wandered up and caressed the underside of my breasts through my t-shirt, making me ache instantly.
I mentally stroked our connection, begging him to open up to me fully. I wanted to feel him in every way possible, but I sensed he wasn’t being completely transparent. He needed something he was trying to hide away, to suppress. Something that was pulling at him and wouldn’t settle. Or someone. I put my forehead against his and breathed him in, before turning my gaze to meet Cary’s. River, Ryder, and Nick had stepped away, but we had Cary transfixed. He watched us in a daze. I knew he could feel us in the bond, too.
