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I got up and hugged him. Merely thanking him didn’t seem quite enough. He gave me a quick hug and backed away, eyeing the door. “It’s all good, lass. Feel better.”
“Thanks,” I called out as he retreated, embarrassed.
I took a long sip of the cool ginger tea, and Lexie was right. It was yummy. The sweetness offset the bitter ginger.
“So what’s going on?” Lexie asked as soon as I put my glass down.
“I’m scared,” I blurted.
“About what?” Ava asked quietly, reaching out and squeezing my hand briefly. Her eyes bounced away quickly, then zoomed back to me. I knew she was talking to Wolf in her head, she always glanced away when she did it. Not many people noticed, but I did. He’d probably checked in when he felt her getting worried all of a sudden. I hoped I’d have a connection to Damon like that one day.
“Is it about giving birth?” Sirena asked when I didn’t add more.
“No. I’m worried about being a good mom,” I said, feeling embarrassed. The actual birth didn’t worry me, I’d faced enough pain in my life to know I could take it. It was the rest of it. The stuff that came afterward.
“Oh, Maia, you’re going to be an amazing mom,” Lexie said, jumping right in.
I fiddled with my glass, not meeting their eyes. “Am I? I mean, I didn’t have a great example growing up and I’m worried I’m going to mess this up. Facing down a raging alpha, that I can do no problem, but this has got me spooked. I didn’t think motherhood was in the cards for me, with the fertility rate so low and living in hiding. Even when I got to the Palace, I honestly thought I’d never make it out of there alive. I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant, but as soon as I started getting sick, I started worrying about the baby. Then it kind of spiraled, I guess.”
“You should have come talked to us sooner. Or to the guys, at least,” Sirena said.
“I know. I already talked to the guys, and they said this baby was all of our responsibility, not just mine, and we’d figure it out together. They’re right, Iknowthat, but there’s this niggling worry in the back of my mind I can’t seem to banish.”
“I get it. I never had a mother and I think it’s a big part of me not feeling ready. But Ava had a good example, and she’d never let either of us mess it up. And look at Sirena. Her mother was crappy from what I’ve gathered.” She paused and looked at Sirena, who nodded with a wry grin. “Yet, Sirena’s a natural. You’ve seen her with the orphaned kids. Who needs a mom as a positive role model when you’ve got Ava and Sirena? They’ll have your back. Not that you’re going to need it.”
“I get it. I’m scared too, and I had a great mom,” Ava said quietly.
“But you’re terrific with Angel,” Sirena said.
Ava scrunched her nose, and I noticed Lexie narrowing her eyes.
“It’s time, fess up,” Lexie said to Ava.
My mouth fell open, suddenly seeing what was right in front of me. “You’re pregnant?”
“Uh, huh,” I pulled her half out of her chair to hug her and she laughed.
“Why didn’t you say, and why does Lexie know and not me?”
Ava shook her head as she looked across the table at a grinning Lexie. “I didn’t tell Lexie, but nobody can keep anything from her. She sees too much. I wasn’t trying to hide it, though. We just didn’t want to tell Angel until she’d settled in. We wanted her to be the focus for a while.”
“That makes sense. Transitioning into a new family can be tough. There’s a lot of unexpected emotions,” Sirena said, nodding her head.
I let Ava go so she could breathe. I was so excited for her. Sirena was right, Ava was a natural with Angel. She needed a whole brood of kids. “So, why are you scared?” I asked her, feeling curious.
“Maybe scared isn’t the right word. I’m nervous, maybe? I think it’s normal. It’s a big thing to be totally responsible for a life. Angel is school aged already. I’ve never even held a baby. But knowing we’re going to be doing it together makes me feel better. I just keep picturing our little ones running around the farms the way I used to with the twins, getting up to mischief. Plus, we’ve also got GG, and River and Ryder’s mom. She’s dying to mother you, if you’ll let her.”
I shook my head and took a deep breath, not wanting to cry again already. Picturing our kids running around our two farms together had me welling up. “That actually makes me feel better, knowing we’ll be doing it together.”
Ava reached out and grabbed my hand again, and I held on tight this time. The same way I’d done when we’d found ourselves alone in the library at the Palace. She was my quiet rock, always sharing her strength.
“I think the exhaustion from the constant nausea is wearing you down,” Lexie said gently. “We know you’re a badass. You don’t need to do every job around the farm yourself.”
Lexie had focused on working with Sirena, Isabella, and Sadie, in setting up the new operations at the Palace, as well as the new work we were doing with the town. So I had taken over a lot of what she and Isabella had done around the farm. It was where I wanted to be. My overdoing it had been stressing everyone out, though. I knew that. “I just really want to be part of the community on the farm. The guys are always so hands on, I don’t want to be seen as some protected princess.”
Ava laughed. “I think it’s pretty clear you’ve never been that.”
“Yeah, everybody on the farm loves you as much as we do,” Lexie said. “They appreciate you wanting to help, but maybe you can focus on one thing, or find some stuff for you to do sitting down for a while. At least until your nausea settles. Being exhausted isn’t good for you or the baby.”
