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Yet his aloof demeanor had always been just as much a facade as my own persona at the Palace. The Cary underneath, the one I could sense, was an entirely different person. I knew instinctively his heart beat for everyone that got through his walls, and he had an innate need to help those who couldn’t help themselves.
“All those years, you were so close, yet so far. It was torture, Cary,” I whispered. Whenever I’d felt him near, a vibration would start up within me, trying to pull me to him. It had grown almost painful to ignore of late. I needed us to acknowledge it openly, for the first time.
He lifted my chin from where I’d snuggled into his chest and looked me in the eye. It was such a simple thing, yet even that we had denied ourselves.
“I know. I had to see you every day, knowing you were mine, but someone else was likely going to claim you. And not someone you’d get to choose. I tried to stay away from you, knowing in this place it would only cause you trouble. But I couldn’t completely. I became a ghost, shadowing you and tracking you whenever I could.”
Hearing him use the word mine had butterflies fluttering through my chest. His expression was still serious, but more open than I’d ever seen it. The ever-present tension had dissipated. I stroked the lines of his face, easing out the last of the frown marks.
“I always felt when you were nearby, it made me feel safe, even though I knew there was nothing you could do to help me. And I couldn’t help you.”
“Help me?” He seemed confused.
I nodded and cupped his cheek, loving that I could touch him in this way, finally. “You always looked so haunted after the parties and balls.”
I had never attended; the Palace made me wait for my debut. Yet guessing what the Palace was forcing on him whenever there was an event had been an ongoing torment.
“Oh Ava, it wasn’t what you thought.” He reached up and grabbed my hand, turning it so he could kiss my palm. “The Palace paraded me around as entertainment, but most of the alphas who sought me out didn’t want to dominate me. They wanted to be dominated by an omega. The Palace trained you to be submissive, but they trained me to be dominant, at least in the bedroom. I was a circus trick, and I used it to my advantage.”
His expression shuttered a little, and he looked suddenly wary.
“Oh,” I whispered. I didn’t entirely know what he meant by that, but I could guess. I still hated that for him. Even if he’d turned it to his advantage.
“I used my body as a weapon, Ava. I would distract them and subtly pump the alphas for information, try to turn them into allies. I was trying to figure out how to get you out and I took any opportunity I could to do that. And I’d do it again if I had to. I was so haunted afterward, because none of them were willing to help. They wanted to play the game, up to a point, but they were still alphas and I was an omega. I felt like I was failing you.”
My heart hurt, knowing he’d done that for me. I wanted to go back in time and erase it, but I couldn’t. I felt a silent tear drip down my cheek. He let my hand go to wipe it away.
“Don’t cry for me, Ava. You were what got me through. I didn’t know where my place was in this world until I met you. The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew it was with you. In whatever way you would have me.”
I could feel another tear join the first one trailing down my cheek. It was everything I’d ever wanted to hear from him. “Mine’s with you, too. But it’s also with them.” It was the first time I’d said it out loud. I didn’t think I needed to explain who I meant by ‘them.’
“I’m okay with that, Ava. We got that squared away last night.” The sudden tension in his features disappeared as a small smile flitted across his face.
What the hecking heck? Were they all talking about me while I was sleeping? Like gossiping old women?
Cary smirked at me and gently wiped the rest of the tears from my cheek, but didn’t answer my silent questions.
“What about you and Wolf?” I asked, needing to know. I could sense Wolf drew him in the same way he did me. There was a deep well of fear in Cary, though, despite his words just now. I wouldn’t do anything that hurt Cary, and I needed to know if my being with Wolf would hurt him.
Cary huffed out a breath. “He says we’re both his, but I need some time. The alphas at the Palace may have pretended to let me be in charge for a while, but I never really was. I have a complicated history with alphas and with my omega. I don’t know if I can be what he needs. That doesn’t mean you can’t be what he needs. He needs you more than anyone else. You’re the heart that’s bringing these men together.”
“I don’t know how to be the heart, Cary. I need you to help me.”
“Be yourself, Ava. That’s what we need. Just you. You’ve got this.”
“That goes for you, too, you know. Just being yourself,” I said with an encouraging smile. “Try opening up to them a little. They don’t bite if you don’t want them to.”
He smiled back at me tenderly as he nodded. “It’s hard to be myself when I don’t really know who that is, but I’m willing to figure it out. I’ll try being more open with them. That’s all I can promise right now.”
I couldn’t ask for more than that. I could get addicted to his smile. He’d seemed tense around Wolf, River, and Ryder yesterday. Yet he seemed a lot more relaxed today. Obviously, whatever they’d discussed last night had helped settle him. I was glad, and didn’t push him about it any further. All of them were important to me. If they were getting along, getting us where I wanted was going to be a lot easier. And I knew exactly what I wanted. A pack. I’d dreamed of it ever since I first read Maia’s book.
“What do you need now, Ava? Tell me what you were thinking a minute ago when you walked into the room?”
I remembered what I’d been thinking. “I was thinking about how much I wanted you to kiss me again.”
I felt a tremor run through him. “You have no idea what you did to me this morning, Ava. You were intoxicating.”
“Show me,” I whispered.
