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“Staring at it won’t make her text you back.”
“I know!”I growl and shove my phone into my backpack.She’d texted that she’d made it to CJ’s and was headed to bed, and that’s it.No response to how she’s feeling and if she needs anything I can pick up for her.She did look a little off when I caught her in the parking lot as she was trying to leave.Darryl said her stomach was bothering her, then wandered off muttering about the salmon, but not before he casually dropped the news that she was leaving Verdant even sooner than I was because of her Minnesota job.That’s whenmystomach started botheringme.
“I just wish I knew what happened,” I tell Deke for the fourteenth time.“She said she might stay in town.”
“Could be a million things,” the most patient man on earth replies.“A family thing, a money thing.Maybe Illinois kicked her out too.”
That pulls a small smile from me, but it vanishes quickly.Why would she just quit the restaurant like that?
“Good news is, you don’t have to wear the Santa beard tonight.”Deke shimmies into his snow-white thong, turning to adjust the straps over his meaty ass in the mirror.
“That is the upside of never seeing her again,” I say gloomily.I’m also planning to go without the sunglasses for my final outing.Then another thought strikes me.Liv might not be the only person I never see again after tonight.“Hey, we’ll still be bros, right?”
Deke scoffs.“’Course.If we’re not hanging out on Saturdays anymore, you’ll have to start coming to my book club.”
“Okay then,” I say as Eugenio shouts the five-minute warning.“Go get ’em, Diesel.”
Pounding bass drifts up from the second floor as the show gets underway.It’s weird not to be out there for these opening numbers, but at the same time, I don’t feel like I’m missing out.It’s good that I’m moving on, Liv or no Liv.
I have a good half hour before the holiday numbers end and we pivot to the secular parts of the show, so I do what I used to do back in the day when I needed to pump myself up.I get suited up—tight gray dress pants, tight white button-down, a loosely tied red tie—and sit on the floor, leaning against the wall, one ankle crossed over the other, AirPods in, playlist cranked, eyes shut.A few of the newer guys at the club are also in the dressing room, warming up, but after all these years, I’m good at tuning everyone else out to mentally walk through my upcoming performance, the moves I’ll make, and how they’ll make someone in the audience feel.Normally, it’s an anonymous someone I picture, but tonight it’s Liv.She’s all I picture these days, all the time.
And she never got to see me dance for real.Santa’s fun, but what I do as Luke is a little different.I wonder if she’d have liked him better than ol’ snake-hips.
I wonder if she’d have liked him better than me.
Well.It’s moot.He’s retiring, and she’s leaving.
Nick pops his head into the dressing room followed by yet another enormous mutt.“You guys ready?”
The other dancers chatter as they head out, sliding into their firefighter jackets and military flack vests.I’m the last to my feet, and I check for a text from Liv as I pull out my earbuds and stash them away.Nothing.
When I look up, Nick’s smoothing a hand over his short, white beard.“We’ll miss you around here.”
“I’ll miss you all too,” I say, bending to accept doggy kisses from Dash.Doing this job wasn’t always easy, but I really did love it and the people along with it.
Nick walks to the tiny window that looks out over the front parking lot, which glows a slightly demonic red thanks to the neon sign.“I’ve been thinking.The club could use some curb appeal.We might want to freshen up the landscaping this spring.”
I press my lips together at the surge of emotions this pulls out of me.“Thank you.That… it means a lot.”
“Speaking of,” he says.“What happened with you and Olivia?”
All I can do is shake my head and scratch Dash’s favorite spot behind her left ear.“I decided not to tell her.She’s leaving town.”
His mouth curls into a frown.“Did it occur to you that she might stay if you were honest with her?”
“Or she might leave faster.”
“That’s the risk you take, son.”
I jam my fingers into my hair and pull, feeling more lost than I’ve been since last year when I learned that my mom was really, really sick and there was nothing I could do to help.“Is it worth it?”
“For love?”Nick whistles, and Dash zips to his side.“Of course it is.”
I want to tell him that this isn’t love.Guys like me don’t fall in love for real, and they definitely don’t do it in a matter of weeks with women who see things in you that don’t exist.
“Well,” he says.“No choice is forever.You may get another chance.”He starts to leave, then turns back as if something just occurred to him.“By the way, did I hear that you were looking for a black cat CuddlePuff for your sister?”
“How did you…”
