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“Well, I can’t wait to meet her,” I began, but Trace rolled over me.
“There’s one major problem with the internship, but I’m sure you won’t mind,” Trace said, and the pride and warmth shrunk to let in worries about whatever he was going to tell me.
“Is something wrong?”
“No, it’s all good. It’s just, I’m really sorry, but I won’t be able to make it back home for Thanksgiving. The partners at the firm have this thing they do, and it’s kind of expected that I’ll be there as part of the networking. I don’t want to miss Thanksgiving with you and Sutt, but I don’t really have a choice. Well, I do have a choice, not everyone is going, but I really want to make this work, and you never know, if I do this and impress them, I could graduate and walk straight into a job.”
“Of course, I don’t mind.” Why didn’t I tell him Sutton might not make it? Probably because I hoped he would. “We’ll muddle through and send you photos of the board.” Thanksgiving Monopoly was a very real thing, and something the Marshall brothers were very serious about—the only ritual we’d carried on from when Mom and Dad were alive. Sutton cheated, Trace worked the odds, and I was the banker who couldn’t win my way out of a paper bag. It was the three of us together, and it meant everything to me. “There’s always Christmas,” I added.
“I could try to get back for your birthday?” Trace said.
2nd December. Please.“You don’t have to.”
“Maybe not then, but definitely later, maybe I could bring Isabella?”
“Sure, I’d love to meet her. I’ll even use the fancy sheets in your room. But you know what, Trace? I’m thinking I should pack away your Transformer collection.”
“Ass.”
I laughed.
“Oh, and guess what, Izzy has a brother, and he’s gay, so I could bring him, too.”
I knew Trace was joking, and any other day, I would have joked back, but last night with Jax was too raw, the emotions breaking me up inside.
“I’m not on the market,” I murmured, which was the same as throwing chum in the ocean.
“Oh, you met someone?” he asked, intrigued.
“No.”
“Don’t tell me you finally pulled your head out of your ass and jumped Jaxon Byrne.”
“What? No!” I lied.
“Whatever,” Trace laughed. “I have to go. I have finals to study for, but I wanted you to be the first to know about the internship.”
“Thank you, and congrats little brother.”
“Thanks. Love you.”
“Love you, too,” I said to thin air as he’d already ended the call.
Disquieted, I headed downstairs. Panda was at the back door meowing pitifully and so damn cute. I let him in, gave him a treat while lecturing him on not sitting on clean washing, then sat on my sofa where he jumped onto my lap.
So, I wouldn’t see Trace for Thanksgiving—that was okay, he was happy and thriving as well, and I shouldn’t feel let down. Irrational thoughts about being alone and lonely flooded me, and then, somehow, they circled right back around to Jax.
He’d kissed me first, and it was amazing, but I couldn’t just lean in and kiss him, couldn’t just tell him how I felt, or be in a friendship I couldn’t bear to lose. Loving Jax was a secret I’d buried deep, where I could pretend it didn’t even exist, and some days, when we worked together, and he was frowning at me, or laughing at a stupid joke, or worrying over some minor detail, I couldn’t help but wonder what this feeling really was.
Maybe it was just loneliness?
After all, I saw him every working day, and often at the weekend when we worked extra hours, and our friendship had grown out of our love for building and renovating. He’d lent an ear when I needed to vent; we’d drunk beers on his patio when life became too heavy for either of us. Jax had been a constant in my world, and I couldn’t deny that him being in my life was a good thing. Comfortable. Happy.
Friend.
His smile made my heart skip a beat and made me feel lighter.
But, the last thing I wanted was to jeopardize the friend part of what we had. What if I confessed my real feelings, only to find that he didn’t feel anything back? What if I ruined everything?
