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He makes a disapproving noise but doesn’t say anything else as he leads me outside. He helps me into the truck and buckles my seatbelt. His hand lightly brushes against my breast as he adjusts the seatbelt. My body responds to the innocent touch in the most inappropriate way. My nipples harden, and my pussy clenches. I want him to touch me on purpose. If an accidental touch over my clothes feels that good, I can only imagine how good it would be if he did it on purpose.
Jude kisses my forehead before closing my door and circling to the driver’s side. I can’t help but feel disappointed that he didn’t kiss my lips. I want it so bad. More than I’ve wanted anything in my life. I just need to figure out how to make him want to kiss me as much as I want to be kissed.
“I figured we would start at Glendale Mall. You should be able to replace most of your clothes and shoes there. Then we’ll go wherever you need to replace your makeup and other girly essentials.”
Panic hits me fast and hard. I can’t afford to go to the mall. I wouldn’t be able to get even one outfit with my budget, and I need to replace an entire wardrobe, including shoes.
“Oh, uh… I normally go to Wear It Again. It’s a thrift store on Lincoln Avenue.”
“Do you shop there because you like it or because you feel like you have to?” he asks knowingly.
An embarrassed blush fills my cheeks, and I drop my eyes to my hands. I twist my fingers together, trying to distract myself from the embarrassment I’m feeling. I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I work hard for what I have, but confessing my shortcomings to someone as put together as Jude is difficult.
“It’s what I can afford,” I say quietly.
“It’s okay, babygirl. I understand.”
He reaches over and grabs my hands, stopping my fidgeting. I slowly relax as he strokes the back of my hand with his thumb. Daringly, I thread my fingers through his and hold his hand on my lap. He gives my hand a gentle squeeze. It feels nice holding his hand. My mind drifts to one of my many fantasies. It’s silly, but I’ve always wanted to go to Chesterfield and drive through the Christmas lights display. In my daydream, I held hands with my boyfriend as we drove through the beautiful display. We’d listen to Christmas music and drink hot chocolate.
I’ve always loved Christmas lights and music. It’s the only part of Christmas I’ve ever experienced. My parents never acknowledged Christmas. One time, I asked why Santa never came, and my dad told me he didn’t come to our house because I was on the Naughty List. I remember doing everything I could to be a good enough girl for Santa to come. I spent an entire year being the best girl I could be. I cleaned the house, did all of my homework, got all A's, and did whatever my parents told me to do. When Santa didn’t come that next Christmas, I realized that my dad had lied.
Once my parents left and I went into the system, nothing changed. When I was in the group home, we got pancakes for breakfast and new socks. That’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to a Christmas celebration or gift. When Maude and Gerald brought me home, I was so excited to finally have a family to spend the holidays with. That excitement was squashed when they explained that they didn’t believe in the commercialism of Christmas and didn’t celebrate the holiday.
As a kid, it was disappointing, but they were so good to me that I didn’t mind. Living with them was better than any holiday celebration anyway. I was safe and loved, and that’s all that mattered. Since I’ve been out on my own, it hasn’t been a priority to have the whole Christmas experience. Besides, doing it alone seems sad. When I have my own family, I plan to go all out. Christmas tree, lights, music, tons of presents, Santa… even those little elves that parents love to hate. I’ve got dozens of ideas on what kind of mischief and magic I can make for my children using one of those elves.
I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t realize Jude’s been going in the wrong direction until he’s parking in front of Glendale Mall.
“Jude, I can’t afford to shop here.”
He gives my hand a comforting squeeze. “You don’t have to. I told you I’m going to take care of you.”
“But—”
“No buts. Let me do this, babygirl.”
I’m prepared to argue until I see the earnest expression on his face. He’s begging me with his eyes to let him help. I squirm uncomfortably under that look. How can I say no to him? Just like with my car, I can’t. I want to make him happy, and for some reason, helping me makes him happy. I don’t understand it, but I can’t deny him.
“I guess…”
He flashes me a sexy smile. “Good! Stay put,” he says, getting out of the truck and rushing around to my door in case I decide to not listen and open the door myself.
Once I’m out of the truck, he wraps an arm around my shoulders and leads me into the mall. It’s absolutely packed. Coming to the mall a week before Christmas is definitely not ideal. I’m instantly overwhelmed. Thankfully, Jude keeps his arm around me as he guides me through the crowd to the first store. It’s a high-end boutique that I could never afford.
A perky blonde dressed immaculately greets us. Well, she greets Jude after giving me a once over and a disgusted look. I’m quite obviously out of place in her fancy store, and she knows it.
“Hello, I’m Sasha,” she says with a flirty smile. “What can I do for you?”
“My girlfriend needs a new wardrobe.”
He’s looking at me with a sexy smile, but his tone is grumpy. Apparently, he noticed how she looked at me and doesn’t like it one bit. I try not to focus too much on the fact that he called me his girlfriend, but the thought of being his makes me feel special. I want to be his more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
Sasha looks down her nose at me, making me feel small and insignificant. I want to turn around and walk right out of the store. I don’t fit in here, and she knows it. Jude should be with someone who is comfortable in a store like this one. Someone who won’t be an embarrassment.
“Maybe we should go to a different store,” I say quietly.
Jude furrows his brow. “Do you not like the clothes?”
“Not everyone can pull off our clothing,” Sasha says snarkily.
