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The way she lit candles during Slater’s disappearance.
The way she committed to raising him as one large family there to provide him with endless love despite how easy it would’ve been to keep him torn in two, to blame the other parent, to feel threatened by another woman wanting to care for her son.
The way she didn’t hold on too tight when he left for the military and then stayedactivefor so many years.
Her decision to live and believe and be led by what’s best for her world…heradventure…while understanding everyone else’s choice to do it too…is why her son does the same.
Why he’salwaysdone the same.
It’s the reason he doesn’t ask,he just does.
It’s the reason he doesn’t argue,he just decides.
And it’s the reason he strives to provide my life with things that make actively living with my conditioneasierversus giving a shit about what others might think.
Like always flying us private to avoid the anxiety inducing area known as the airport.
Wearing sparkly themed unicorn t-shirts with the girls to match my headphones when we go bowling together.
My silent disco themed birthday party last year, where it was safe to simply close my eyes and get lost to the music.
His mother taught him to respect as much as follow his beliefs, which in turn has helped me in that area.
And it’s definitely one of the reasons why our parents get along so well.
Mine very much so have similar focus on what’s right and best for you principles and policies.
During the drive, holiday music plays, yet rather than indulge in the rainbow of colors dancing in front of my eyes, I shut them tight, anxious to have a moment of peace.
Clarity.
I know my Cowboy.
I may not know where he is or what he’s been up to or why it was worth leaving us alone for the entire day, but I knowhim.
And he’ll be there.
Just like he’s always been.
Just like he’llalways be.
Our arrival at House of the Holy is a little later than we originally anticipated. Rather than parking in the back and making us all walk, Tom pulls up directly in front of the building to let us out. He insists his special lady wait inside where it’s warm and has her swear she’ll do exactly that so nothing can happen to her.
The exchange itself is equally endearing and heart aching.
It makes me miss my Cowboy just when I didn’t think I possibly could miss him any more.
As angry as I was earlier about him missing the moments with the girls and missing the limited time we have together before he has to leave again, it’s turned into this sinking Santa’s Bag filled size of dread.
What if he gothurtwhile on his mystery mission?
What ifIget a call from Dalvegan Memorial Hospital?
Or…worse?
Dalvegan Police Department reporting that he’s been…
That he’s been…
