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“No!”
“Are you certain?”
“I ought to be. Maybe.”
“I’ll tell you that story later. It ended up as inspiration for an operetta. You don’t want me to give the other two back.”
“I….shouldn’t answer that.”
“You know,” John said lazily, taking the coffee, adding more sugar, “I love that you’re morally flexible once I’ve got you naked.”
“I don’t love that!”
“It was a joke. You’re the most moral person I know. Though…” John sat up more, tucked a leg up, feline and naked under the robe. Golden skin and lean muscles rippled. “Does it bother you? Me making those jokes.”
“No. Yes. I’m not…” Sam scrubbed both hands across his face. Tiredness landed over his shoulders, the heaviness of the gulf between them, how they knew each other so well and so little, all at once. “I’m not the person you think. I’m not the person everyone thinks. I told you I’ve been selfish. I told you I joined the Division so I could use those resources to find you. A task at which, remember, I failed. And I look at you and I want you to kiss me until I can’t tell right from wrong. I said I’d lie for you and I’d cover this up for you, and I will. Because that’s who I am. You should know that.”
John looked at him for a second, two, three. That bright wondering light was in his face again, in the firelit bare-boned bedroom, surrounded by pastries and the scents of ginger and silk and sex.
Sam said, “I’m sorry.”
John put a hand on his face, drew him in, and kissed him. Not hard, not rough. But deep, gentle, a caress of a kiss, a hymn of a kiss, a worship.
Sam forgot everything else in the world. John’s mouth, hot and sure and tender, conquering his. John’s tongue, taking him, claiming him. John’s hand pulling him in, keeping him here to be loved. The glow that started someplace sweet and profound and low, and grew and billowed all through him.
John let go slowly, with a shared breath, a quick whispered second kiss. His lips were pink. His eyes were shining. He said, “If you’ve ever done anything you thought was selfish, you did it because you wanted to help someone else. That’s love.”
Sam said, “I was thinking about retirement.”
John, abruptly, wore the expression of a man who, having lit a candle, had left the room and returned to find his house ablaze.
Sam knocked a foot into his ankle. “Not everything’s about you.”
“But—but I—you—you weren’t, before I—”
“I was. Not this year, or the next. But Constable Thompson’s getting a knighthood at the next Honours, or that’s the rumor.”
“Good for him?” John managed, and then, “Oh. I see. But…you wouldn’t have to…”
“No, but I might not mind. It’ll be better for the Division. Kit’ll have an actual title—I don’t, remember—and more street experience than I ever had. He’s not encumbered by centuries of class snobbery, and he’s a proper empath. Plus, he comes with Harry. And that’s worth any five practitioners you can name—or more, we don’t exactly know.” Sam nudged John’s ankle again. “I’d already discussed it with Kit. Ask him if you don’t believe me; he won’t lie. Not even for me.”
“But,” John said. “You love your work.”
Sam shrugged, borrowing John’s gesture. “I do, and I don’t. I…think I’ve been good at it. I’m proud of what I’ve done. And I’ll stay on as some sort of advisor if Kit wants, at least at first; he might need support as far as expanding the Division, opening new Watch houses, training new constables, all that.” He watched John nod, understanding. “But really I did it because…I wanted to help people, and I wanted to find you. As I said.”
“Sam…”
“And I think I’ve done both of those. It’s time.” He took a breath, let it out. “Not this year, maybe not next year, but…after that.”
“I can’t picture you as a gentleman of leisure.”
“I didn’t say I would be. I’ll consult. Or assist with training. Besides, I’ll have something else to do.”
“What would that be?”
“You, I thought.”
John fell over on the bed laughing. A quick whistle of melody rescued the pastry-tray, which wobbled reproachfully in the air. His borrowed banyan slid open, tie coming loose. Pillows scattered. “I said I love you already. I had no idea. I’ve never loved you more than right this second.”
