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“I love you, Sam. I think I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you. One thing I know for sure, though, is I love you now. Please don't leave me. Let’s try and work it out. I swear I will never lie to you again. I swear it.”
She whispered, “Tell me why you did it.”
She stepped back and looked into his eyes; she needed him to look at her and tell her the truth.
He shook his head back and forth. “Sam, I really didn’t know how you would handle it. I meant to tell you. I tried a couple of times, but I just couldn’t get the words out. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings; I would never try to hurt your feelings. I didn’t know if I should invite you to come with me. I knew that Suzanne would be there, although she spends no time with the kids, but I’m sure she was there because she wanted to do just what she did—manipulate the situation to make it look like something it wasn’t.
“After a little while, it seemed like too much time had passed. I had already lied to you on Wednesday when I told you there was nothing special going on this week, and I was scared. I swear it’s the truth.”
Sam took a deep breath and turned to sit on the sofa. She put her head in her hands and looked down. Staring into his eyes was not helping her think this through.
Gathering her thoughts, she softly stated, “Gray, you still allow her to manipulate you. You know this is something I can’t deal with. I hate the lying, and if you ever lie to me again, there will be no more chances. I mean that. But, if you’re still letting her manipulate you, we need to end this right now. I won’t be in a relationship again with a man who is constantly manipulated by someone else. I never want to be in that situation again.”
She had enough of that to last a lifetime; but no more. She took a deep breath and exhaled. Her breath was shaky.Everyone deserves a second chance.
“I don’t want to end this, Sam. We … we’re just getting to know each other.” He swept his hand through his hair and sat on the sofa next to her. He took her hand in his. “There will be bumps in the road, but I can promise you this, I will never lie to you again.”
She exhaled the breath she’d been holding. She’d laid down the ultimatum, and he met it with a promise. “Okay.” Lame, but she felt bruised and exhausted right now.
Gray apologized over and over for the remainder of the evening. When they went to bed that night, they didn’t make love; they just held each other. She tossed and turned all evening; her mind wasn’t convinced that Gray would be able to stop himself from being manipulated by Suzanne. Only time would tell, but how much of a price would her heart pay in the meantime?
14
Gray woke the next morning and glanced at Sam. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying. He knew she hadn’t slept well last night; he’d felt her tossing and turning, and the guilt that came along with that kept him awake. He’d come so close to losing her, and it scared the shit out of him. He didn’t like liars, and if the shoe were on the other foot, he’d be so pissed and hurt, it would be hard for him to forgive her. He would because he loved her so much, but it would be hard. The fact that she was willing to give him another chance made his heart swell for her. Disappointment in himself was an understatement. What a dumbass!
The sun dusted across her cheeks; her jaw relaxed in sleep, her arm lay across her belly. She inhaled and rubbed the bridge of her nose, then her temples.
“I’m sorry, Sam. I know you didn’t sleep well last night.”
Her eyes slid in his direction, held for a moment, and then closed. He lay on his side with his head resting on his hand studying her.
Sleepily, she replied, “I think we should call the kids and cancel; I don’t feel like doing this today.”
He breathed in sharply, reached over and touched her face, running the back of his fingers along her cheek.
“Please don’t cancel. I know yesterday was awful, but I don’t want to take a step backward. Can we try to keep moving forward, please?”
A tear slipped from the corner of her eye and along the side of her face. He reached it before it slid into her ear and wiped it away with the back of his finger.
“I hate that I caused all of those tears last night and this one this morning.”
Then he kissed the damp trail softly.
“When Cheryl broke up with me the first thing I did was go and talk to my parents. It wasn’t that I was heartbroken about her breaking up with me, it was more that I wasn’t. I was terrified that I was incapable of loving anyone. I realized I’d never loved Suzanne, not like you should love a wife, and after a few years of her crap, I didn’t love her at all. I asked my parents if some people just aren’t able to love and be loved.”
He took a deep breath and gently turned her face toward his. “I grew up watching my parents love each other through thick and thin. I watched my brother and sister marry people they loved and build happy lives together. I’ve watched my aunts and uncles and cousins all find people they love, marry and be happy. Sarah and Cole are happy, but I’ve never had that. I thought maybe I wasn’t capable of it.” His eyes sought hers and stubbornly stayed fixed.
“They reminded me that I love them, and my siblings, my children, grandchildren and that if I were a person who couldn’t love, I wouldn’t be able to love them. They told me that I just hadn’t met the right person yet. I needed to be patient and that God would bring that person to me when He felt I was ready to accept love. So, I prayed in earnest for God to bring someone into my life who I would love and who would love me in return.
“And then, I met you. You’re that person, Sam. Unfortunately, I’m not perfect. I make mistakes and I probably will again, but Idolove you.”
Another tear slid from her eye and then another. She turned onto her side to face him and touched his face with her fingers. He stared deeply into her eyes; then she kissed him very lightly.
“I make mistakes too, Gray, and I’ll probably make them with us, but I love you, too.”
A sob escaped his throat, as he reached over and pulled her tight to him.
He held her for several long moments, inhaling her scent, enjoying her skin against his. When he spoke, his voice was raw, “I was so afraid you wouldn’t tell me again, that I’d ruined it. I love you, Sam; I love you.”
