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She wished the afternoon would arrive so they could depart, but the day dragged as they pored over the latest La Belle Assemblée fashion plates, lingering on one of a wedding gown with striped muslin skirts and flowers at the gathering of the sleeves. There was a round of tittering and meaningful glances in Tessa’s direction and Tessa’s rounded cheeks heated, but she ignored them, turning the page to a lovely evening gown of lilac sarsenet over a white underskirt and three elaborately braided flounces. The moment passed, but Jo’s misery deepened and she went to the window. The view was blocked by a tight clump of trees, but she stared at it none the less.
‘I wish they would not do that,’ Lady Tessa said as she came to stand by her. ‘That is all they can talk about since Papa and Lochmore spoke months ago.’
Jo clasped her hands together and managed a smile.
‘That is understandable.’
‘Is it? I am not certain I do understand. I feel like a prize cow on her way to the fair.’
Jo’s smile faltered.
‘Don’t you like His Grace?’
‘I like what I know, which is not much. We have not spoken often. I like him best because of Jamie. I tell myself that anyone who is so good to his son must be a fine man.’
Jo nodded, but couldn’t answer, and Tessa continued.
‘He called for you last night, you know.’
‘What?’
‘Jamie. Beth told me he woke and called for you and she came to comfort him.’
Jo was grateful for the gloom that obscured her harsh blush at her misunderstanding.
‘She should have sent for me.’
‘She is accustomed to tending to the little ones. She will make a far better wife and mother than ever I will. He is very attached to you.’
‘He is a wonderful boy. He will come to love you very much.’
Tessa touched the windowpane. Beyond it evening was swallowing up the landscape and Jo could see their reflections and the blur of people behind them. She wanted this over. She should not have come to the McCrieffs’ and now it was too late.
‘Did you love your husband?’ Tessa asked. Jo should have evaded her intrusive questions, but she couldn’t even do that. Everything was too late.
‘I cared for him.’
‘That is not the same.’
‘No. Not quite the same.’
‘Why did you marry him?’
‘We were good friends and he made me happy even if I did not love him.’
‘Did he love you?’
‘Yes. Perhaps in time my feelings would have deepened. I think they would have. I was not very trusting to begin with—of myself or others. It takes trust to truly love someone.’
Tessa nodded, tracing a finger through the sheen of condensation forming on the pane.
‘It is peculiar—I know we do not know each other, but I can talk to you. I wish you could stay. I know that is impossible, but I wish you could. I wish...’ She turned back to the room. ‘We are being summoned. Come.’
Jo followed, heartsick. She never should have allowed Benneit to convince her to come to the McCrieffs’.
Tessa did not subject her to more confidences, but she remained close to Jo, almost protective of her, especially when Lady Aberwyld indulged in thinly veiled snipes about Jo’s lack of youth and looks and her imminent departure. Jo was immensely relieved when it was time to leave, but the carriage ride was hardly any better. Jamie was full of his visit, his palpable pleasure adding great boulders to the weight on Jo’s heart. She hated her jealousy, but controlling it was beyond her. She would just have to endure this as well.
Jamie finally fell asleep just as they passed Lochmore village, his head slipping on to Jo’s shoulder, and Benneit gathered the boy on to his lap, his hand brushing her arm accidentally. She tensed, but Benneit merely looked out the window into the falling darkness as afternoon slipped into dusk. She leaned her head against her side of the carriage and closed her eyes, weary and miserable.
‘Tired?’
Benneit’s voice was a murmur and she forced herself to straighten.
‘A little. They were very nice.’
‘Yes.’
‘Jamie felt at home.’
‘Yes. Thank you for coming with him.’
‘Thank you for inviting me. It was pleasant,’ she lied.
