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Wanted her. Whatever he could have of her. Even silent, disapproving, distant, he wanted to be with her. However much time was left he needed to be with her even if it was destroying him from inside. It was not her fault, but it felt like it was. Everything felt like it was her fault—the inescapable need to be with her, to touch her. He had been so close to losing his control that morning in the garden. Having her so close, he could see the faint freckles on the bridge of her nose, the curve of her cheeks, the nearly transparent hairs shivering with her heartbeat at her temples. He had been so hungry for her, his blood felt like molten steel, burning its course through his veins. If not for Jamie, he might have broken right there—gone down on his knees and begged for scraps...
He picked up his glass of whisky, put it down. Perhaps he should go spend the night at The House. Get away from all of them and especially from the temptation to go to Jo’s room, slide under the covers and find her soft, warm... Make her shiver as she had moments before abandoning herself to bliss. Slide his fingers over every disapproving line of her lovely body and coax it back to him. Taste her, inch by inch, until she called his name, not in condemnation, but with that breathy need for him. He wanted to be inside her when he brought her to climax. Deep inside her so that her soft moans and that cataclysmic arrival at heaven would be his.
He closed his eyes at the memory. Just thinking of her made him hard as a log himself.
Blast the woman.
He should at least apologise for his behaviour that afternoon. Then go to his rooms and lie awake as he had every night of the past week.
But he had to see her first.
At her door he hesitated, but his body didn’t and he knocked softly before he could change his mind.
‘Jo?’
Silence.
He drew a deep breath and opened the door. The fire was still going, but the room was empty and the parlour beyond it as well. On the table he saw the tray, the two empty cups of chocolate and the plate with crumbs and some of his heat migrated to anger.
He went down the hall to the nursery. Jamie was there, asleep, a tight ball under his covers, a smudge of chocolate at the corner of his mouth.
Benneit sat carefully on the bed and touched the smudge gently. Jamie’s eyelids fluttered open.
‘Sorry, Papa.’
Benneit’s eyes stung.
‘No, I’m sorry, Jamie. I was too harsh. I love you, you know.’
Jamie nodded, snuggling closer, his hand searching for Benneit’s, and when it was secured he closed his eyes again.
‘Was Jo here?’ Benneit asked, hating himself.
Jamie shook his head and yawned.
‘I went to her. We had chocolate and she sent me back.’ He opened his eyes again. ‘She didna’ disobey you, Papa.’
‘Don’t worry, Jamie. All is well. Do you know where she is, then?’
Another yawn cracked.
‘Exploring. I went to give back her shawly thing and saw her go down the forbidden stairs with a candle. I wanted to go, too, but I remembered I was to stay in the nursery so I came back. Dinna worrit, she’s brave...’ he murmured and sighed, sinking back into sleep.
Benneit sat for another moment, his heart beating hard again, but for the wrong reasons.
It had nothing to do with him. If she chose to disobey his very clear...his crystal-clear instructions not to enter the tunnels alone and with nothing but a candle that would probably not survive the first whisper of dank sea air that pierced the walls, anything that happened to her was her own fault.
She’s brave.
He found the lamp in his room and lit the candle in it, tucked a tinderbox into his pocket, cursing as he went. If he had an ounce of sense he would send Angus to find her. Or wait. In all likelihood she would return any moment. Even Jo would likely not find the tunnels appetising.
She is brave. And curious. And quite angry with you at the moment.
Any hope that thirty years had dulled the edge of his weakness was dashed within seconds of beginning his descent down the spiral staircase into the tunnels. He hated these stairs, narrow and choking and twisting into darkness. It was like being swallowed down the throat of a great beast. The world disappeared, shrinking to a small reddened pocket of candlelight glimmering on the damp stone walls.
When he finally found her he would...do something.
