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The two of them were close in that way that having only one reliable parent bonded siblings. They’d spent most of their childhood picking up the slack for their father, whether that meant coming up with money to help their mom with the bills or working out their differences without getting into fights that would upset her. Ellis had taught Everly how to drive and was home to meet the first guy she’d dated. He gave her her first beer the summer before she went to college. She’d helped him find a tux for prom. She was his sports buddy. And his supportive shoulder when his heart got broken.
Everly glanced up at the sky. It was overcast, and the stars looked like twinkle lights submerged underwater. “About as well as Gonzo the Great being shot out of a cannon.”
Ellis cackled. They’d watchedThe Muppet Showtogether on repeat during their formative years. When Everly was in fourth grade, their mom had brought home the DVD sets of seasons one and two from a yard sale, insisting she and Ellis would love them. At ten and twelve, the siblings had been horrified that their mother wouldn’t pay for a streaming service. Back then, they would have very dramatically sworn they were the only kids in their school who knew what a DVD player was, never mind how to use one. But a few months later, when their fatherhadn’t shown up for his weekend (again), and Grandma Helen had pneumonia, their mom was forced to leave them home alone for the first time overnight. Everly and Ellis had been so afraid to go to sleep that they’d hunkered down together on the couch and, without many other choices, decided to pop those DVDs in. They’d laughed so much that night that they forgot to be scared.
After that, they’d sought out every flea market, yard sale, consignment shop, and Goodwill, looking for the rest of the seasons and anything else by Jim Henson. Whenever they were left alone or feeling down, they’d watched them. Over and over until they knew them all by heart.
Sometimes, when one of them needed a laugh, they still did.
Ellis uncapped another beer, then grabbed his spatula. “It’s got to be weird having these people around all the time, just like… watching you.”
“It is. There are cameras in my car, too, and some in my living room. I swear, the bathroom’s the only place I can be alone.”
“As far as you know.”
“Oh my god.” Everly picked up one of the tennis balls their mother kept everywhere for Bagel and tossed it at Ellis. “Don’t do that. I have to feel alonesomewhere.”
“Do they watch you in your sleep,Twilightvampire style?”
“Ellis.”
He laughed.
“I have to talk, too. I’m supposed to be voicing all my thoughts out loud. Which is weird in a whole different way, because who cares what I have to say? And even if I did say something important, I have to run every thought through my mind nine hundred times first. Otherwise, I might blurt out something I can’t take back. I don’t need to end up an internet meme.”
“Imagine.” Ellis shook his head, bringing his beer to his lips. “I’d have to disown you.” Everly’s glare made him snort. “I’m kidding. Honestly, I thought you did great on that first episode.”
“I was an awkward chaos magnet.”
“You were real and believable. I bet people loved you.”
“I hope so.” She hadn’t bothered to check. Her family’s reaction to Logan had been enough to convince her to maintain her internet sabbatical. She didn’t need to see a bazillion people shipping them. She was still processing how those last few minutes of the episode felt forher.There’d been a protectiveness to how he’d sounded that could only be born of affection. It had turned Everly’s body to molten lava. It still did every time she thought about it. (Which wasa lot.) But her whole purpose for being onOTPSwas to learn to love herself again. Could she do that if she let herself fall for him? What if a new relationship made her too anxious about the parts of herself that were louder, weirder, too much? She couldn’t risk whatOn the Plus Sidewas offering her. The show couldn’t be something else she squandered out of fear like she had the Collective.
Her fingers itched for her charcoal pencils. She could already envision how Logan’s face would look on the page, that beard squaring off his strong jaw, the intensity in his eyes, the deep crease between his brows. Seeing him so clearly, even in her head, set her pulse racing. She had to shake herself to make the image disappear.
Balancing her elbows on her knees, Everly sank her chin into her hands. “And now there’s already going to be another episode airing tomorrow. And, oh god, Mom’s going to be on camera tonight.” She exhaled loudly. “How many times will she call me fat without using those exact words?”
Her brother sniffed and adjusted the brim of his Red Sox hat. “She means well.” He could never criticize their mother, not even when he knew she was wrong.
“It doesn’t come across that way.”
“I know. But you saw how Grandma was with her. It’s how they communicated. By picking at each other. It’s how they showed concern.”
“No one picks at you.”
He tipped her a grin. “That’s because I’m perfect.”
This time, she aimed the tennis ball at his head.
By some miracle, dinner passed uneventfully.
With a fire going, it was comfortable on the back deck, and thanks to her mother’s endless collection of citronella candles, the bugs kept their distance, so they spread the food out buffet style and gathered among the crowd of patio furniture.
From looking at their house, no one would ever guess that Everly and Ellis grew up eating off-brand cereal, wearing thrifted clothes, and learning that every penny could make a difference. The house had belonged to their great-aunt Rose, who opened her home to them when Everly’s father left. Rose didn’t have any more money than they did, but her house was paid off, and when she passed away, she bequeathed it to Everly’s mother.
Jazzy and Stanton entertained everyone with stories of their celebrity encounters while they ate. As a former makeup and hair stylist on sets, Jazzy had all the gossip on which stars were impossible to work with, who had the strangest demands in their contracts, and who was, in her words, “a complete darling.”
Becca screeched when Jazzy mentioned her high school crush, who had gone on to play for the Celtics.
