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“Hey, no judgment here, either way. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”
“I still feel like I should.” I also feel like I should shove a donut into my mouth. Stress eating has always been a problem for me. The fact that I chose a Boston cream almost makes me cringe after I’ve taken a bite. I only know one person from Boston, and he just walked out of here.
“Listen, don’t feel like you have to explain yourself or apologize to me. I don’t see anything wrong with you having a relationship with whoever you want to have a relationship with.”
“You would probably be the only person who feels that way. That’s the problem.”
“So, I won’t tell anybody. It’s pretty simple, right?”
“I wish it were that simple. I feel… less-than-ethical.”
“Ethics, shmethics.”
“That’s easy for you to say.”
Her face falls a little before she nods. “Yeah, you’re right. I have no business being so blasé. I’m sorry.”
“You’re just trying to be supportive. You don’t have to apologize.” Strange how finishing the donut did nothing to calm my nerves. Maybe a second one will help.
“For what it’s worth, I did knock on the front door before I came in. I guess you were… worn out?” She bites her lip to hide a smile and fails horribly.
“Knock it off.”
“Sorry, sorry. I really think it’s cool. I guess I’m just excited for you.”
“That’s really sweet of you. And I don’t mean to sound so negative or angry or whatever. I’m just worried. And I don’t feel great about myself.”
“I’m telling you, you have nothing to worry about from me. You deserve to have somebody in your life. And if you’re going to take a chance and have him sleep over, that must mean you really care about him. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be worth it.”
She’s right about that, for sure. “I just wish everybody felt about it the way you do.”
9
ASH
“You gave it your all out there today.”
Oh, God. Not that. That might be the one thing I want less than anything else to hear. It’s not so much the words my mother says, but how she says them. She’s obviously trying to comfort me in any way she can, and it makes me feel like a complete loser.
“Of course, he did.” Dad pats my shoulder while we wait for a table to open up at the bistro where I was thinking I’d take my family out to dinner after the game, sort of a celebration. Maybe I was feeling a little full of myself when we made these arrangements. I mean, who wouldn’t look forward to their family watching them play for a major league hockey team? When I look back on how much I anticipated this, I feel like the world’s biggest tool.
Then again, who imagines themselves screwing up like I did? If I had played blindfolded, I couldn’t have done much worse. My big shot, and I’m blowing it.
I’m surprised they want to be seen in public with me.
My parents turn toward each other and talk over something or other, which is when my sister elbows me in the ribs. “You could try not looking like you swallowed glass.”
I can be honest with her. There’s not much need to put on a happy face. “I didn’t invite you guys up from Newport Beach to watch me play like a rookie.”
“You sort of are, though. Aren’t you? You’ve never played in the NHL before.”
“You know what I mean. I might as well have been handling a stick for the first time ever.”
She rolls eyes that look a lot like mine. “It wasn’t that bad. You’re being too hard on yourself.”
But that’s the thing. I’m not. I am downright disturbed at how off I was today. My reflexes were shit, I was a step behind everybody else on the team.
Amy has always been a reasonable person, so it shouldn’t surprise me when her head tips to the side and she furrows her brow like she’s thinking. “Maybe it was nerves? Knowing we were there?”
