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“I know. It’s ridiculous.”
“Do you think Ryder will even want to talk about why he decided to leave?”
“I honestly don’t know.” I only know the coach expects me to make everything okay, and I don’t know if there’s any way that’s possible.
25
SOREN
Ididn’t understand until now, standing in the middle of a crowded club, that I never expected to do this again.
I mean, I did it back in Seattle. That was innocent enough. I was never going to hook up with any of the girls up there. Not when I couldn’t stop thinking about Harlow. Missing her, wanting her, wondering how she was. I never intended to pick up another girl in a bar or a club or anywhere, ever again.
And that was wrong, anyway. Harlow was never going to be mine. Not mine alone. There was never going to be a forever for us.
The cute blond who keeps looking my way over her shoulder does it again, and this time she sinks her teeth into her plump bottom lip when she catches my eye. She might as well be holding up a sign saying Open For Business.
We’re over now. Harlow, all of us. It’s in the past, it’s history. And somewhere deep down inside, I know that was for the best. Being together would be complicated enough without bringing the team into it.
So why does it feel so much like I’m cheating as I approach the girl with the big tits and the welcoming smile? I have to shake off the feeling as I elbow my way through the crowd.
“It’s about time.” She grins up at me, and the smell of the perfume and hairspray and whatever else she’s using is almost overwhelming. But then there are a lot of people around us. A lot of conflicting scents. Everybody’s trying to attract somebody else.
“About time for what?”
“About time you finally came over here to talk to me. I’ve been waiting for you.”
“I’m honored.”
“You should be.”
I like her style. It’s easier to relax a little. “What’s your name?” I ask, holding up a hand to get the bartender’s attention.
“Steph. What’s yours?”
“Soren.”
Her head tips to the side the way I expected it to. “Where are you from with a name like that?”
“I’ve been living here, in California, for a long time. But my family lives in the Netherlands.”
“Oh, cool. So why did you come over here? It’s supposed to be so nice over there.”
She’s right about that. It is nice. Beautiful. An entirely different way of life. There are still things about this country I can’t understand. “I wanted to get out of the family business.”
“That sounds mysterious.”
“It isn’t, very.” She doesn’t have to know the finer details. Nobody’s trying to open up and tell their life story in a situation like this. She’s hot, and she’s smart and intriguing, but we both know what this is about. I need someplace warm and wet to stick my dick.
That’s why I don’t bother telling her about the way I grew up. The way my father would’ve rather that I do just about anything else than play professional sports. How he expected me to follow in his footsteps the way he followed in his father’s. The standards I was expected to uphold. The family name I couldn’t tarnish.
Family. As if any of them really understands what family means. Hell, the closest I’ve ever had to a real family is my team. We might be fucked up, we might fight and compete and even hate each other sometimes, but it’s a hell of a lot more functional than what I left behind when I got on the plane without looking back.
Shake it off. This isn’t the time to get depressed or brood over things I can’t change. I’m supposed to be having fun. It doesn’t come naturally to me — one thing nobody else really knows. Not even Ash, and I’ve shared more with him than I have with anyone. This attitude I put on. Trying to be carefree, trying to keep things light… That’s not me. It’s who I have to be if I want to fit in around here, in this country. Everyone is so friendly and open. That’s one way they do it better over here, for sure.
“Are you okay?”
I look down to find her frowning. “Sure. Don’t I look it?” I make a big deal of checking out my outfit, that sort of thing.
