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“Hey. Gotta look good for the fans.” He laughs, but I feel hollow inside. I don’t give a shit about the fans — not that way, not anymore.
I’m starting to think Pete couldn’t have come along at a better time, since at least I’ll have something else to think about now.
We round the end of the aisle so he can find a toothbrush, and at first, it takes a second for me to recognize who’s picking up floss and toothpaste only a few feet ahead of me.
Her eyes fly open wide when she sees me standing behind the cart while Pete chooses a toothbrush at random and tosses it on top of the pile. He gives me a funny look, but I guess I look funnier than he does. I’m probably staring with my mouth hanging open, and every lonely, longing thought that weighs on my heart must be written across my face.
“Hey,” I murmur, because that’s the coolest thing I could come up with.
“Hi.” Harlow looks at the cart, then at Pete, then at me.
Right. I’ve never talked about him. “Harlow, this is Pete. He’s my foster brother from back in Boston, and he’ll be staying with me for a while.”
“Oh!” She extends a hand, wearing a brilliant smile I wish would shine my way. “Harlow Jacobs. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Same here.” Yeah, he’s checking her out. I can’t blame him. I’ve been checking her out since the minute I set eyes on her. She’s dressed like she just came back from a workout, wearing leggings and a zipped up hoodie. Of all times for us to run into each other.
“Pete just got into town,” I explain, even though she didn’t ask. “I needed to get him set up at the house.”
“I see. Well, Pete, welcome to California. Hopefully, we’ll run into each other again.” She’s warm, cordial, but I see through it. This is just as awkward for her as it is for me. I can’t look at her without having to fight the impulse to take her in my arms.
Once she’s around the corner, Pete slowly turns my way. “Who was that?”
“I told you. Her name is Harlow.”
“You know what I mean. Who is she to you?”
There’s a story he does not ever need to hear. but I can’t tell him she’s nobody, either. It was pretty obvious from that awkward exchange that there’s something going on.
I decide to keep it simple, since even talking about her involvement with the team could be complicated. And I sure as hell would never bring Soren or Ash into it. “We dated for a little while, and the breakup wasn’t that long ago. So it’s still a little fresh.”
“You dated her?” The way he stares at me, it’s pretty clear he doesn’t believe it.
“Yeah, and I hope one day to get the hump removed from my back.”
“No, no, I’m not saying you’re ugly or whatever. But she is…”
“Out of my league. I know. You don’t have to tell me.”
He snorts gently as we head to the registers so I can see what all of this is going to cost me. “She must be smart, since she figured it out and dumped your ass.”
No comment.
28
ASH
“Come on! Keep your head in the game!”
If I had a dollar for every time Soren shouted that at me during this game, I could retire easily. At least that’s how it feels. It also feels like my brain and my body are completely disconnected. No matter how I try, I can’t get into a good rhythm. It’s like I just laced my first pair of skates this morning. Weeks ago, I was up in Seattle playing with the big boys. Now, I can’t even handle a minor-league game against the Rattlesnakes.
It’s like living through a nightmare. I used to have dreams like this when I was a kid, like I’d show up at school for a test I never studied for, or I was called up to speak in front of a bunch of people when I had nothing planned. That kind of thing. Right now, I’m dreaming I’m supposed to be a professional hockey player, and I somehow forgot everything I thought I knew about how to play. Pathetic, but painfully true.
Focus. You know what you’re doing. I know I’m supposed to talk myself out of it, be positive, and all that, but at the moment I just feel like I’m lying to myself. That only makes everything worse.
I’m screwing up. I’m ruining this. I’m ruining everything.
One of the Rattlesnakes glides past, and he doesn’t bother pretending he isn’t amused by the way this is going. “What happened, you forget how to play when you were out of town?”
