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“Of course he is,” Ash sighs.
“I’m serious.”
“I know you are.” He lowers his arm, then props himself up on his elbows and gives Soren a pretty filthy look. “Soren is always so thoughtful and helpful.”
“Get over it,” Soren tells him with a laugh. “Sorry to interrupt your beauty sleep.”
Sitting up, I scrub my hands over my face, then over my hair while trying to get my brain moving. I expected this, just maybe not quite so soon. I usually need coffee before I can come anywhere close to thinking clearly.
Then again, there’s not much to think about. “If we can, I want to get back together. We tried it your way, Harlow, and it just didn’t work. I spent the entire time missing you too much to think about anything else. It was misery. I’m not ashamed to admit it.” There. I said it and I didn’t burst into flame or melt from shame.
“Same here,” Ash grunts. “I hate to think of keeping things that way, though I understand why it was important to split up. But there’s got to be another way we can do this.”
Soren places himself on the foot of the bed, and he’s not joking anymore. “Let’s think about it. Now, we know there are bound to be setbacks. There’s going to be tension – just like there is on the team. It’s human nature. And we can’t be naïve about it. There will be tension sometimes. There will be fights.”
“Not about me, though. That’s what I can’t stand.” She draws her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around her legs, peering at us through wide eyes. “Can you promise you won’t fight about me? Gosh, that sounds so stupid.”
“Why do you say that?” I ask.
“Because it’s me. Like, why would you even fight over me? I can’t even figure out why you all want me when there’s so much that could go wrong.”
“There’s always something that could go wrong in any relationship.” When he’s not being a smart ass, Soren is a pretty deep thinker. “What can you do? Close yourself off from everything?”
“No, but you know what I’m saying. We’re all taking a really big risk.”
“So we’ll have to be careful,” Ash reminds her.
She only rolls her eyes. “Sure. We told ourselves that before, too. And then you guys ended up getting in a fistfight on the ice, and there I was, having to pretend I didn’t know anything about it. Do you see the kind of position that puts me in? I have to lie all the time. I don’t feel good about it.”
“There is a simple solution.”
Soren waves a hand in my direction. “By all means.”
“If we have a problem with each other, we settle it in private. Between ourselves. No more letting stuff spill out in public. I apologize for letting shit get to me.”
“Me, too,” Ash murmurs. And he should, since he is the one who started the shit that led to our fight. “I let my personal shit get in the way of what mattered, and I ruined everything. I’m sorry, really, I am.”
“I know.” Harlow offers him a weak smile that doesn’t last for long. “But how do I know I can trust you guys to keep your promise?”
“I guess you’re just going to have to trust that being with you is better than not being with you,” I say with a shrug. The guys nod their agreement. “Now, we know what happens when we can’t handle our shit. That alone should be enough to keep us behaving ourselves.”
“That’s damn right,” Ash agrees.
Harlow still doesn’t look convinced, and I hate that. I mean, it’s not like I expect her to throw her arms around us all at once and pretend none of this ever happened. She’s too smart for that. Still, it would be nice if she weren’t quite so distrusting. But if she is, that’s our fault, too.
“This is what it’s all about,” Soren murmurs with a shrug. “We can’t always predict what’s going to happen or how we’re going to feel. But we can look at something and say okay, we’re not going to do that again. That was a mistake. we can do better. And that’s all we’re trying to do – I mean, I know that’s all I’m trying to do.” He looks around like he’s searching for support, and my head bobs up and down in agreement. He put it much better than I ever could have.
When all she does is frown and bite her lip, a desperate groan stirs in my chest. I’m not going to lose her again. I can’t. I know damn well it’s complicated and dangerous, but she matters too much for me to give up. “Hey. I love you.”
Her head snaps back and her eyes bulge, and I almost wish I hadn’t said it. I mean, that’s not exactly the reaction a guy wants to see when he confesses something like that. I’m not going to take it back, even though instinct tells me to run and hide. I won’t. I’m going to stand my ground.
“You do?” It’s barely a whisper, like she doesn’t believe it. How can she not?
“Yes, I do. I love you. I can’t live without you.” It’s as simple as that. “I’m not a poet. Even though you deserve something a lot more eloquent or whatever, all I can do is tell you the truth.”
“He’s not the only one.” Soren’s face is an interesting shade of red. “I love you, too. I’m crazy about you.”
“And you know I am, too.” Ash runs the backs of his fingers over her bare shoulder.
