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It’ll have to do for now. Time to go on offense. “I would have told you about him years ago, if I had your name. It would have made things a lot easier if I knew who you actually were. Since you hadn’t, I’ve raised him the best I could. My parents are very involved in his life, and he is a happy child, despite having no father figure in his life. It hasn’t been easy—I don’t want you to think that. Kids at school are…unkind to him about the matter sometimes.”
He winces, but says nothing.
“When I realized who you were, I panicked. I’ve had a long time with Owen all to myself, and maybe I’m selfish with him…the idea of sharing him in any way scares the hell out of me, to be honest. When you came out of the woodwork, it was hard not to picture the worst of you. That’s why I didn’t tell you straight away. I needed to know if the risk of introducing you to him is worth the benefit of it. Sorry for being so calculating, but when you’re a single mom, that’s exactly what you have to be. I’m sure it sounds terrible when I say it like that, but—"
“You’re protective. I get that.”
I’m relieved he hasn’t fallen asleep. He looks like he could, standing right here and looking at me. I remember that feeling—I’d fallen asleep standing next to Owen’s crib so many times. I nod once. “Yeah, I am. It’s why I’m here now. Because I know things are fucked up at the moment, but I need to know how you feel about everything, and you haven’t answered your phone or any of my texts for over a week, and I’m going a little nuts right now.”
“Hence the eight-hour drive?”
I nod.
He scrubs his not-bandaged hand through his hair and thinks. “Look, Aria, I’m sorry for how I reacted at the time. This is…a lot. I wasn’t able to process any of it. It’s still something I’m trying to come to terms with. I’m sure you already do, but I need to say this anyway—you have to understand what a shock this all is to me.”
Fair enough. “I’m not sure I could understand that, Everett. To go from carefree bachelor to a father to a five-year-old…” I laugh. “It would boggle anyone.”
Bitterly, he spits, “Owen should have been the first word out of your mouth when you saw me.”
“It damn near was,” I counter, “but I was not exactly in the right state of mind to be talking about all of this at the fanciest party I’ve ever been to when I’m multiple champagnes in and surprised by my son’s father!”
“Keep your voice down—
“What? Why?”
He huffs. “Remember how you said the people we were surrounded by could make your professional life difficult at the party?”
“Yeah. So?”
He glances around and quietly says, “Having a child in my line of work is a liability. I hope you’ll treat me with the same regard I treated you.”
Oh shit.In all the documentaries about his career, I remember when a few people said something along those lines. The firefighters who had kids were usually the children of firefighters themselves, and the career ran through the family. But they were the outliers. It wasn’t impossible to grow in the career, but the danger made is less likely. I sigh at myself. “I will.”
“Thank you.”
This time, I hold back my snarl. Otherwise, I’m about to get louder. “As much as I should have told you sooner, it would have been a lot easier to tell you years ago if you had given me your real name.”
“I’ll concede that point.”
“So, you didn’t know for almost six years about him because of your fuck up, and you didn’t know for a few weeks because of mine. Pretty sure that does not make us even.”
I’ve never seen someone’s emotional walls go up in real time until now. The light in his eyes fades, and his shoulders stiffen as they roll back. “As I understand it, there is never anybeing evenin parenthood, Aria. You do your best and move forward. Mistakes are a part of the process.”
I’ve read that somewhere…wait a minute.“Have you been reading parenting books?”
He doesn’t answer. Only another shrug and grunt.
It’s like talking to a Neanderthal. I can’t tell if he’s this angry, this tired, or something else completely. Maybe all of it. If I change the topic, he might let his guard down. “Do you need anything? Are they taking care of you?”
“Thank you for coming all this way,” he says to me like I’m a stranger. “But I can look out for myself. No need to trouble yourself on my account.”
There must be ice in his veins to shut me out like this. But I’m not a quitter, so I try a different tactic. “Your boss says the fire is mostly contained.”
He nods. “What of it?”
“Will you be coming back to Somerset Harbor after this is over?” Please. Your son needs to meet you. But I can’t say that to him. Not now. Not while he’s so cold.
“Cap is right—the fire is seventy percent contained. For now. There’s a blizzard predicted to come and help us out. A few crews out of California coming, too. But they’re all show-offs. Whether they’re any good remains to be seen. The blizzard could turn north, for all we know. Flare-ups come whenever they want to. We could be down to forty percent containment by this time tomorrow.”
