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But now disbelief wasn’t laced with denial, but with heat. The ravenous panther that had burst into being since he’d been foolish enough to touch her again was clawing at his back, trying to push past him and devour her whole.
‘Say something.’ Her voice was still shaky so he tried to steady himself. He shoved the panther back into the shadows, trying to see her expression in the gloom of the tent.
‘I’m a rather dull fellow, as you pointed out, Lady Carruthers. If this is a jest, you will need to explain it to me.’
‘This is no jest. I am sincere...oh, never mind, you idiotish clod. I might as well try to talk to a lump of clay as evoke a human response out of you.’ She sounded on the verge of tears and Edge moved between her and the entrance.
‘Wait.’
‘I don’t wish to speak to you any more.’ She grabbed his shirt and tried to haul him aside.
‘Well, too bad.’ He caught her hands, but did not try to detach them from his shirt, just wrapped his own around them. ‘You cannot say something like that without... explaining.’
‘I can say what I wish. I’m tired of thinking about everything I say. I had an idea and you said it was a bad one. No surprise there. After all, I’m only Sam the impulsive madcap...’
‘Sam, stop.’
‘Let me go, Edge. I didn’t mean it.’ She squirmed and gave a little tug to her hands, but not enough to pull them free. Her knuckles were pressed against his chest and he could feel the beat of his own pulse hammer against them, each strike followed by a shower of sparks coursing through his veins, spreading heat.
‘You never say anything you don’t mean, Sam. That is part of your problem.’
She closed her eyes and breathed in and he saw again the shift between Sams—this one was a strange mix of measured Sam and a Sam he wasn’t familiar with.
‘Yes, you are right,’ she replied. ‘I did mean it. These past months, since I returned to Egypt...this is the first time I’ve felt alive in years. I don’t want to return to England and sink back into that half-life I lived. Yes, I’m wealthy and could find a companion and travel the world, but I want more. I want to travel and return often to Egypt, but I also want a family and a home and I want to have that with someone I can trust and talk to and who knows me, good and bad. Then I realised these are all things that I have...with you. And then there is...this.’
‘This?’
She rubbed her knuckles against his chest and this flooded him with liquid fire.
‘This. I’m not a child, Edge. I couldn’t imagine marrying someone I did not wish to share...intimacy with. It would be...unbearable. None of the men poor Janet introduced me to in Cairo had this. I haven’t felt this in...in years. I might have been a child eight years ago, but even then I felt this. For me, at least, it is rare.’ She looked up. He could feel her trying to read his expression in the dark. ‘It isn’t just me, is it? You do feel a...an attraction?’
She’d slipped back into hesitation and even though he knew he was on dangerous ground he needed to chase away her doubt.
‘Yes, Sam. I thought that was obvious. I’ve never been a good actor.’
She sighed with relief, her fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt and even if he’d lied, his body couldn’t. It was aching, pleading with him. He moved closer, aware he was stepping out on to the same plank as she.
‘That’s true.’ She laughed a little, her breath cool against the perspiration at the base of his throat. ‘When you did allow anything past your stony façade one could be certain it was purely you. And that is why... Edge—if there was time I would try to be patient and plot your downfall in a civilised manner, but there isn’t time. Tomorrow you will be off again and I might not see you ever again or at least until we are old and grey and I cannot bear living with the regret of not asking if you would consider marrying me. I feel this is the right thing to do, the best thing to do. You say I’m impetuous and I dare say this proves everything you’ve ever said about me, but I couldn’t not try, do you see?’
‘Sam, you do realise what you are offering...it means the rest of your life.’
‘Of course I realise that, Edge. I think...you are lonely as well, aren’t you? I know there is part of you that prefers to remain that way, but doesn’t part of you want something more than to return to your exile in Brazil? I’m tired of mine. I want more.’
Brazil. His lungs constricted just at the thought. That bridge had burned behind him and he’d not even realised it. Sam had opened a Pandora’s box and he didn’t think he was strong enough to close it.
