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The words, half-absent, undid her. It had to be tonight, or the tension would likely send her into a nervous decline. She sank her hands into his shirt.
‘Not soon. Now, Edge.’
* * *
He’d taken his time undressing her hair, but her dress was off before she even realised. It slithered to the ground and the flower-scented air snaked up her stockinged legs and under her thin chemise. Then his fingers brushed lightly over her shoulders, curling over the straps of her chemise and sending spears of lightning that made her breasts ache. She wanted to lean into him and disappear into his warmth. But she also wanted to tear away his hands and run.
This wouldn’t stop with Edge’s bone-melting, world-shifting kisses. She knew where this was heading—into that bed, into that...
She couldn’t...
She’d hated it with Ricki. Perhaps not at first, she’d been too anxious for everything to work that she’d ignored the discomfort. But soon she’d come to hate it—the heavy, thumping, pushing and prodding and Ricki’s wine-scented breath and his tongue making her gag... What if Ricki was right? That despite the fire that rampaged through her at Edge’s touch there was something utterly wrong with her? That this, too, would end with her lying resentful and tense under Edge as she had under Ricki felt obscene, like defiling a temple. Edge did not deserve that from her.
‘I’m awful at this. Awful.’
His hands stilled. She closed her eyes. Hard.
‘Awful,’ she repeated for good measure and wished the world would suddenly and unequivocally end.
His hands moved lower, closing very gently on her arms, but she didn’t open her eyes.
‘Sam... I don’t understand.’
‘I don’t wish to speak of it. I can’t. I’m so sorry, Edge. Perhaps if we go back there now and tell them this was a mistake you could yet demand an annulment. I never should have done this to you. You deserve better and I’m the most horrid person in the world to have foisted myself on you...’
She continued talking as he led her into the bedroom, but at the sight of that monstrous bed she took two steps backwards.
‘Don’t worry, Sam, we aren’t going to do anything, I promise. Only lie down and rest.’
He brought her to the bed, peeled back the cover and then pressed her down very gently, moving her to one side so he could move her hair out from under her, like a child.
‘There. Now close your eyes.’
‘I can’t possibly sleep.’
‘I know. But close your eyes for a moment.’
She stiffened as he lay down behind her, but he merely placed a hand gently on her arm, his fingers resting in the crook of her elbow, and she felt her heartbeat against them, as fast and sharp as rockfall.
‘Do you remember the time we were invited to the marriage celebration of Khalidi’s younger daughter in Qetara? What was her name?’
She wished he hadn’t brought up memories of that year. That had been the week before the fateful day she’d fallen off the statue and realised she’d cared far too much for Edge. Why on earth must he bring that up now?
‘Her name was Suleima. That was the first time I tasted raki. It was horrid.’
His laugh was low and warm against her nape and she shivered a little.
‘Yes. But it did wonders for your dancing skills. I remember we were searching for you to return home and I found you in the garden, dancing with Fatima and Suleima.’
‘They couldn’t be where the men were and we wanted to dance so we came to the garden where we could hear the music better. I remember you were shocked.’
‘I...yes, I dare say I was. I had a very set view of the world then. When we arrived at Khalidi’s you were dressed as properly as any young English girl, but the girl dancing barefoot in the garden with her hair down her back...’ His fingers smoothed out a length of her hair.
‘You called me a noisome child.’
‘I shouldn’t have called you that. I was shocked. Not by you, Sam. A little exasperated we had to go searching again, yes, but not shocked. It was hardly the first time you’d behaved true to Sam form. What...upset me was that I wanted to sink my hands into your hair and feel it run through them. That was not the reaction I expected from myself so I became angry at you.’
‘Again.’
‘Again. You were right about me. I tried to force the world into a certain mould. It felt safer that way. You didn’t fit that mould and at that moment neither did my...reactions. I had very little patience for human fallibility.’
‘That’s not true. You were endlessly patient with people even if you hated being so. Just not with your own fallibility, perhaps.’
