AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Emptiness, Wyatt,” Willa pushes. “Your eyes—the ones that always looked at me like I was special just because I was your baby sister—those eyes that were always loving and kind and hopeful, were completely empty.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Stop, Willa.”
“No. You need to hear it. You never grieved, Wyatt. You shut down. You stopped living, just like Dad. You two lost Mom that day, but I lost all three of you.” Her voice breaks completely then, and whatever was left of my already shattered heart cracked a little more.
She was right, and I knew it. I figured out how to suppress all those feelings. Sure, the first year after Mom died I felt like I went through all those typical stages of grief—the ones your therapist tells you about. But no one tells you about the ones that follow.
No one tells you grief isn’t something you get through, it’s something you endure.
Every single day of your life after that loss, you grieve. And I hated that feeling. So, day by day, I figured out how to ignore it—how to pretend. I had my therapist fooled. I had Dad fooled. After two and a half years, I hadmyselffooled. But apparently, I had never managed to fool Willa.
“Grieve, Wyatt.” Willa steps back and squeezes my hand. “I don’t know if meeting Lucy has brought all of it back up for you, and if that’s why I’m finally seeing glimpses of the brother I grew up with, or if it’s something else. Either way, I don’t care, as long as you don’t shut down again. Whatever you’re feeling, please don’t ignore it.Feelit—every smile, every laugh, every tear, and every crack of that big heart of yours, freaking feel it. Not for her, not even for me, but for you. Because what you’ve been doing for the past five years isn’t living, it’s surviving, and you’ve barely even done that.”
I stand perfectly still as Willa stands on tiptoes and kisses my cheek. “You deserve to be loved, Wyatt. But only you can decide to accept that love. Mom’s love didn’t die when she did, it just got dispersed between all three of us. Because that’s what love does when someone dies, it lives in the people who are still around to experience it.”
I take a deep breath and hold my hands at my sides, staring at my sister desperately.
“And what does any of this have to do with going to the beach with Lucy this weekend?”
Willa sighs. “Everything, Wyatt. And the fact that you can’t see that confirms that you really shouldn’t go. You should stay and work on yourself, but I know you’re going to do whatever you want to do and there’s clearly nothing I can say to change that. I’ll be here when you get back, and you’re finally ready to talk.”
Willa walks away and gets back on her horse. I hear Oreo’s hooves as she gallops away, and I wait until all I hear are the birds and the squirrels and the wind in the leaves before I tilt my face to the sun and let the tears fall from my eyes.
Chapter Twenty-One
Lucy
Dr.Fitzwasincrediblyunderstanding about my time off request. Dr. Marsh, however, is very concerned.
“What do you mean you and Wyatt are going to the beach this weekend?” she asks.
“I feel like it’s pretty self explanatory, actually,” I mutter.
Dr. Marsh narrows her eyes at me. “Lucy. I’m not sure this is a good idea. What does your mom think?”
I take a deep breath, fold my hands in my lap, and look directly at Dr. Marsh. She wants honesty, I’ll give her honesty.
“Mom won’t go to the beach house. At all. When I asked her about it, she said she didn’t know if she would ever be able to set foot back in that place. She says it’s covered in memories of my father and she has a hard enough time getting out of bed in the morning, let alone driving two and a half hours. She also said the house was in my name, so I would have to sign the documents and take care of the situation anyways. Does that answer your question?”
Dr. Marsh watches me for a few minutes then sits her notebook and pen on her desk behind her. She crosses her legs at the ankles and leans forward slightly.
“Lucy,”
“Yes?”
“There’s something you’re not telling me.”
“And what makes you think that?”
“Because you wouldn’t be this angry over a beach house. There’s an underlying issue here, and I think you should tell me about it.”
I close my eyes and pull my bottom lip in between my teeth, chewing at it.
“There’s nothing to tell, really. Before my dad died, he thought I was unhappy with my career path. And he was planning on telling me that when he told me about the beach house. That’s it.”
“That’s not it, Lucy. What else?”
I bite my lip harder, feeling the tears stinging behind my eyes.
