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“No. I didn’t let myself look in on you at all. I didn’t have the right. I had to assume that Zeke would handle it, because he usually does.” He looked outside. “And whoever he has must be really good, because I keep trying to spot them, and I can’t.”
That was sort of funny. “No security for six months.” I shrugged. “There were no threats. We assumed it was the Russians, and Zeke let it go.”
His face went pale. “Shit. Okay. I wouldn’t have done that, but obviously you’re fine. I wasn’t good at being your security. You were everything to me. You can’t possibly guard someone you want to give the world to. Your brain gets too muddled. I failed you. I’m so sorry.” He stepped toward the door again. “Just tell me you’re well.”
What did I want to tell him? “I’m mostly well, Michael. There are some residual problems from the poisoning. What I can eat that doesn’t outright destroy my stomach has become very limited. I’m mostly vegan now. Even things like tomatoes can be problematic, because of the acid. They don’t really know what to do about that, because they don’t know what she used to poison me. So, anyway, I’m mostly okay. I’m training for a marathon. I got licensed to scuba dive, I’m going on vacation alone next week, and I have a whole list of other plans. I won’t be pathetic anymore.”
“Bridget, I know what Sylvie used. Would it help if I gave that information to your doctor?”
The ramifications of how that could quickly become a murder mystery novel flooded my ridiculous brain. “You can’t tell anyone you know anything about any poisons. They’ll assume you did it.”
“Let me worry about that. There are lots of ways to transmit that information to the doctor. Would it help? There are lots of cases of people surviving what she did to you, but it’s a particularly cruel way to die. If the chopper hadn’t still been within range, we could’ve lost you.”
I swallowed. “I don’t remember it. Not really. But obviously you’ve learned a lot about it.”
“Sure. I killed her with the same stuff.” He sat back, leaning against the desk as I gawked at him. He—?
It took me a second to respond. “You did?”
“Sure. Of course I did. She tried to kill you, Bridget, and she caused you physical harm. She went after the only person in my life I’ve ever truly loved. My reason for the sun coming up every day. She harmed you. She sent Tito to kill you, and he shot Stephen, one of my best friends. There were lots of reasons to kill her, but that was how I did it. I poisoned her favorite morning breakfast muffin. After she ate it, Stephen took her phone and pretended to scan through her pictures while she writhed on the floor and Roy blocked the door. We all stood there and watched her die. After we got her confession, though. She was happy to tell us what she did to you. I was happy to let her.” He sighed. “I’m sorry I hurt her emotionally if I did. I never made her promises. Not ever. Not one. And I’ve destroyed everything to stop her. I even burned down my house in Idaho. It’s gone. Faulty wiring, according to the insurance company. Every one of my offices and all of my stuff. Nothing could be considered secure if she might have tampered with it. She was better at this than me.”
I shook my head. “Obviously not in the end. She is dead, but you’re not.”
“No,” he rubbed his eyes again. “But I’ve lost everything, including the one person who matters. So yeah…kind of a death in its own way. Maybe worse than death? Anyway, I’ll get your doctor the information and make sure you get the names of others who’ve survived the poison. I can do all of that for you, but I’ll leave you alone now.”
I stepped in front of him. “Hold on.”
“Okay.” He stared at my face, his gaze moving over me like a caress.
“Do you still love me? Did you ever?” It seemed like he must. You didn’t kill someone over someone you didn’t love, right?
He cupped my cheek and I let him. His skin was warm, and mine heated where he touched me. “I do love you. I won’t ever stop. I am going to love you every day of my life until I have no more days left.”
I kissed him then, despite swearing I’d never do it again. I joined our lips with the desperation crawling in my chest every second since he left me alone in that hospital room. It would be easy to not forgive him—he chose his words so well when he wounded me, after all. I could hold on to my anger and let it drive me the rest of my life. I would certainly be entitled to it.
But my sisters forgave their husbands and they had happy, full lives afterward. I knew from the past year, my anger made a poor bedfellow, but his explanation at least made sense. I could forgive him because I just wanted to forgive him. I could forgive him because we had spent so many years together where he had done nothing but take care of me, nothing but be there every second I needed him. He’d done one very stupidly thought out thing—and he’d done it because he thought he had to do that to save me. I could forgive him that mistake. I just wanted to.
I wanted Michael Li. I always had.
His arms came around me and he kissed me back, drawing me tighter against him. Michael kissed and kissed me, his hands shaking as he traced my face, my brows, my cheekbones with his fingertips.
“I love you,” he said it again, and those serene eyes of his were turbulent with emotion. “I love yousomuch. I have hardly been able to exist without you for almost a year. I dream about you. I pound on walls because I can’t look at you. I need you, Bridget, so much more than you need me, but I do. I really fucking do.”
I kissed his chin, scraping his jaw with my teeth. “I love you, too. I’ve tried to hate you. I’ve actively worked on it, but I can’t do it, Michael. Because I love you. I don’t know how not to love you.”
He cupped both my cheeks then. “Can you forgive me? If I make you happy every day of your life, for the rest of my life. Can you forgive me?”
“I mean, I forgave you before I kissed you. It’s done. Okay? We figure out where we want to go from here. I’m not sure how to do this. I’ve never done it. The happiest I ever was in my life was when I found myself locked in your house. I don’t know how to do this relationship thing.”
He laughed. “Happiest I ever was, too. Well, first things first, we leave your beautiful office…are you hungry? I could feed you. I never got to take you out, not on a real date. Or I could take you home, and I could feed you there. Or you could come to my hotel room, and I could order room service.”
I didn’t blame him for not understanding how difficult food remained, but we would eventually need to go over my diet. In the meantime, we didn’t have to discuss it, not right then. “How about no food? How about my apartment? You and me, wrapped up in each other.”
He nodded fast. “Okay. We’ll eat later.”
Or he would eat, and I would move the food around on my plate with a fork to try to make it look like I ate something. Whichever.
I followed him back onto the street. Getting home was a blur, but then we were inside, and his mouth was on mine again. There was a desperation in how Michael kissed me that hadn’t been there before. I was sure that I matched it. Had I ever wanted him this badly? Maybe. I practically crawled up his body. It was hard to think, I just knew I had to have him right then. We weren’t even going to make it to the bedroom.
