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“Be honest with me, I may not be your therapist any more, but I still want you to beat this.” I can’t believe I didn’t think to ask him earlier. Some therapist I am. His first full day out of rehab, and here I am just acting like things are hunky-dory. Like everything’s just miraculously gone back to normal. I suck. “How do you feel? This must be hard, I’m so sorry. I didn’t stop and think. Have you had any cravings since we’ve been here?”
“Kind of.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It was tough earlier, the smells and shit. But I got through it. They’re not as bad now.”
“Are you sure?”
He leans across, nudging my knee and grins. “I’m sure Jonesy. It’s just muscle memory. Drinking has been part of my life for a long time, it goes like this… you eat a meal, you grab a beer. You work hard all day, you down a few shots. You sell a shit-load of records, you celebrate by buying the entire bar a round of drinks, because all of a sudden you’ve got a half million dollars in the bank, and you don’t know what else to do with it. It’s habit.” His grin widens, making his dimple sink into his cheek. So lickable, so delicious. “And this too shall pass. Eat up, it’s getting cold.”
I blink at him, processing all those details.
Sometimes I forget Kael is famous and rich. Sometimes I forget he’s even a rock star. Because when it’s just the two of us like this, I get to see both sides of him. He’s so intense, so vulnerable. He’s sandpaper and satin all rolled into one.
My heart stops beating. My lungs stop breathing.
He moves a little closer to me, our bodies almost touching, and I put my hand up and rest it on his chest. Resisting him is difficult. I need some space between us, but he’s so firm, so warm, and so solid. He’s soeverything.
I want him. I wantthis.
After dinner, Kael clears his throat and tugs me to my feet with him. “Dance with me?”
As if right on cue, the soft background music comes to an end, replaced by Ben E. King’s “Stand By Me,” and as the opening strains echo through the treetops, Kael leads me to the small area just off the picnic blanket, causing chills to break out on my arms and legs and neck.
He holds out his hand, and I hesitate for only a second before taking it. He slips a hand to my lower back and uses his other hand to position my arms around his neck, and then he begins to sway.
Oh, god.We’re slow dancing under the stars. He remembered. Tears burn my eyes. I can’t believe I ever thought he wasn’t a good guy because he is a good guy.
He’s a really good guy.
“You remembered?” I whisper.
He rests his forehead against mine and leans in closer, his cheek on my cheek, his stubble a teasing scratch against my face.
“How could I forget?”
Kael’s body is pressed firmly against my body, and I can hear his steady breathing as we dance together. And in that moment, no words need to be spoken because the comfortable silence that falls between us says it all.
My arms loosen slightly. I lean in even closer, resting the side of my face against his chest. His smell is beyond intoxicating, and before I know what I’m doing, my eyes close, and I’m inhaling the scent of him.
He slowly takes one of my hands from behind his neck, and he holds it, still swaying back and forth, and it reminds me of the way an older couple would dance. The heat of his body sears into me, and I slip into the easy familiarity that comes with holding this man’s hand in a way that shocks me, and yet somehow doesn’t surprise me at all. I’m lost in my thoughts and affections for him, feelings I can’t even begin to explain right now.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t feelhim. He’s so big and bulky, all muscle, and I’m not sure if it’s the build-up or the fear of the unknown that terrifies me, but I can feel myself trembling.
“You’re shaking,” he says softly, and his voice is so quiet I can barely hear him. “Are you cold?”
“No.”
Before I can stop myself, I rub my thumb over the center of Kael’s palm. His breath hitches, and there’s no hiding the fact that he’s just as aroused as I am right now.
“You done with dancing yet?” he asks.
I nod softly, and Kael leans back slightly to look in my eyes. He touches a loose strand of my hair, and everything inside me freezes.
“No going back, sweetheart, ” he says, as he takes my hand and presses my palm against his chest, holding it there so I can feel his heart beating wildly beneath his wall of muscle. I try to pull my hand away, but he holds it there against him, and he says more urgently this time, “There is no going back.”
I can’t even tell you who moved first, it’s all just a blur of whirling sensations and movement and cool air whooshing past me, but before I have a chance to think it through, Kael grabs my hips tightly and then bends, setting his shoulder to my middle, and now I’m hanging upside down over his shoulder, and we’re tracking back into the house again at record speed.
