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“You need to know, Jiya, and I want to tell you everything,” he said. “It’s time. Losing you made me realize that in order to move forward in life, I had to break the chains of the past that were holding me back. This is me, trying to do that. Allow me, please.”
At her nod, he continued. “You already know I had a rough childhood. I told you how my parents were too busy in their world to be concerned about me. What I didn’t tell you was how their life affected me.”
He wet his dry lips. Talking about his past was hard. It made his heart palpitate, but he had to do this. “There was always a party at home, loud music, people moving in and out of rooms with no restrictions on anything. One night, when I was twelve, I woke up with one of my parents’ friends sitting on my bed in the dark, caressing my hair. It was…it was that man, Pavan Grewal. You met him and his wife that night when we were at the Sehgal Plaza.”
“Oh God.” Jiya’s hands flew to her mouth, her eyes filled with horror. “Did he…did he hurt you?”
Rohan shook his head. “I was so frightened when I woke up. Luckily, a maid entered the room that very moment, and he left. However, two nights later, there was another party at home. I woke up that night with someone stroking my stomach. It was that same man again. Even at that age, I knew it was not a good touch. It made me scared and uncomfortable. And I figured something was wrong. I opened my mouth to scream, but he climbed on top of me and slammed his hand on my mouth. I struggled and managed to bite his hand. And then, I screamed. The same maid came rushing inside. She shooed him away and stayed with me the rest of the night, but I couldn’t fall asleep after that. The next morning, she told my mother about this, but Diksha Bali wasn’t even bothered that her twelve-year-old boy could have been assaulted by one of her friends. In fact, she lashed out at the servant for lying and sacked her. But that old woman, before leaving, she…she made me promise to always keep my door locked when I was alone in my room and to stay alert and remain cautious. But the damage was done. I couldn’t sleep through the night from that day onwards. That man had a free pass in my home, and he was always around. I was afraid of him for the longest. Because of that one incident, I hadn’t had a full night’s sleep for years…until you.”
Jiya’s face fell. “I always imagined your childhood was bad, but this is plain awful. I want to hurt your birth parents right now for being so ignorant and horrible.”
When he kept quiet, she said, “There’s more, right?”
Rohan cleared his throat. “My parents went about their life as if they didn’t have a child at home. The only time they ever paid any attention was on report card day to hear from the teacher what a bright child I was, so they could brag about it to their friends. It was all about appearances for them. I was a bright student, and after realizing I’d developed insomnia, I started studying harder. I had time, and I chose to channelize my energy into learning. I wanted to work hard and leave my parents as soon as I turned eighteen. They were anyway planning on sending me to the US to study. I didn’t want to give them a reason not to, and hence my grades were always high. I grew older, and soon, nothing they did affected me. They went on about their life, living the same routine, while I developed anxiety and an aversion to crowds and people, so much so that, till date, I can’t be in big crowds of people for long. I have to take a break to be by myself and breathe.”
“Oh God.” Her eyes rounded. “And your parents never found out?”
“They didn’t care much, and to be honest, I didn’t want their attention either. So, I kept that part of myself hidden. It was only when Tara and Varun took me in after their deaths that Tara realized I had a problem. She’s the one who insisted I go to a therapist and get help. Because of that, I learned to take breaks when I was in a crowd. I move away and stay alone for a few minutes to breathe before I face the melee again.”
A tear fell from her eye. She wiped it away with the back of her hand. “It makes sense, now. Everything makes sense. Why you don’t like crowds and why you are a loner. I’m so sorry for all that you went through.”
“It is what it is.” He shrugged. “But those times were hard. I usually didn’t even leave my room when Vaibhav and Diksha’s friends were home, especially when one of their parties was going on. I learned to study with headphones on. The two times I was forced to venture out scarred me for life.”
Her eyes widened. “What did you see?”
“Pavan and Nandini Grewal were Vaibhav and Diksha’s closest friends. They were the reason my parents became the way they were. That couple encouraged them and supported them in every wrongdoing,” Rohan said. “One night, when I was fifteen, I was feeling feverish and wanted paracetamol. I knew the medicine cabinet was in the kitchen. It must have been about three in the morning. When I went down, I saw my father and Pavan Grewal at the kitchen counter, snorting cocaine. They hadn’t seen me, but I was old enough to understand what they were doing. I ran away from there as fast as I could. But that scene… I still get goosebumps when I think of it.”
Jiya put a hand on her mouth, looking shocked. “You told me once, and now I finally get what you meant when you said you’d seen and heard things no child ought to.”
“But that wasn’t the worst. A few months before their accident, the water in my bathroom had suddenly stopped. It was one in the morning, and as usual, a party was going on at home. I was older then, seventeen, waiting for the time when I could finally leave that miserable home. I stepped out of my room to use the bathroom in the guest room across the corridor. I opened the door, and…and…”
He shut his eyes as those horrible images flashed through his brain. All of them so real, as if he were seeing it happen today. Jiya caught his hand, squeezing it. He opened his eyes and looked at her, allowing her touch to ground him.
“Don’t tell me.” She shook her head. “I saw your reaction to that memory. I’m sure it was terrible. I don’t want you to relive it.”
Her words struck his heart. She cared. She still cared about him. It gave him hope. But he had to tell her everything. She needed to know it all.
He swallowed through the lump in his throat. “I saw my…Vaibhav in bed with that woman, Nandini.”
Jiya gasped.
“They did not see me. I backed out of the room and bumped into my mother. She had been searching for him. She took one look at my face and knew something was wrong. I tried to stop her from going to that room. But she must have already suspected something because she opened that room’s door and caught them red-handed. That was it. That was the point from where everything began to spiral. Nandini was Diksha’s best friend, and Vaibhav had been having an affair with her for years. My parents began to fight daily. Continuously. Our house became a war zone.”
He exhaled. “Varun and Tara lived in Mumbai with Rithwik, and they didn’t visit often. My grandfather lived at the stud farm, and I learned at a very young age that going to him was my only reprieve from my birth parents. So, I tried to go to him on most holidays and weekends. My love for horses and the stud farm is from him. He didn’t know what my parents were up to, and I didn’t want to tell him. Being with him was my escape, and I didn’t want anything to hamper that. The night of the accident, Vaibhav was to drop me at the stud farm for the night. He and Diksha had been fighting, and she came down yelling as he was starting the car. She wasn’t supposed to come with us. But she insisted on it. She was shouting throughout the drive. Vaibhav wanted her to give him another chance, and she refused. Vaibhav looked at her for a short second, in which he didn’t see the incoming car from the opposite side. I remember the crash, the smell of fuel, their bloodied bodies... It was all over so quickly. But by some strange twist of fate, I survived with only a few scars.”
She shut her eyes and pressed down on his arm. “Thank God, you did.”
“Their lives were ruined by the wrong friendships they’d chosen and by the people they’d trusted the most in the world. And that’s why…”
“And that’s why you don’t trust people. You keep your circle small and refuse to allow people in because of these incidents from your childhood.”
He nodded. “Remember that charity you found, Paani Org.?”
She squinted. “The charity institution that Fortuna Pharma has been supporting since years?”
“Paani—Pavan and Nandini. They’d been threatening Vaibhav and Diksha. Nandini had trapped my father for money. She’d had compromising videos of them, which she threatened to leak if he didn’t pay her. And her husband was in on it.”
“Both husband and wife were in on it?” She shook her head. “That’s disgusting.”
