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“I have always put you first,” he said in an angry hiss. “I took care of you the best way I knew how. I—” He covered his face with his hands. “I would die for you.”
Lacey believed him, and it bruised her heart. She didn’t want him to die for her. She wanted to share her life with him. The thought speared her chaotic mind. Everything became clear.
She swept her tongue across her lips as her jittery heart pounded against her chest. “If it was between living with me or dying for the good of Rudaynah, which would you choose? The ultimate shame of loving me or the highest honor of serving your country?”
Hafiz was frozen in silence. She held her breath in anticipation as Hafiz dragged his hands from his face. She saw all of the emotions flickering in his ashen face. Shock. Pain. Hesitation.
“That’s what I thought.” She dragged the words out of her aching throat as hope shriveled up and died inside her. Hafiz might have loved her and he might have trusted her, but he couldn’t be proud of her. He couldn’t respect himself for loving her.
Nothing she could do would change that. She wasn’t going to make the mistake of trying to earn her way. She wasn’t going to think that being patient and uncomplaining would be rewarded.
“You need to leave and never come back,” she said as she marched away. “Right now.”
He shook his head. “I am not leaving. Not until you listen.”
“I’ve listened, and I know nothing is going to change. I need to leave to protect myself. Goodbye, Hafiz,” she said, her voice breaking as she fled.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
SHE HAD TO protect herself. Hafiz silently leaned back in his chair and listened to the business presentation given in his conference room, but he turned Lacey’s words over and over in his head. I need to leave to protect myself.
From him. Hafiz clenched his jaw as the hurt stung through his chest. It was that thought that had kept him up at night for the past week. Why did she think he was harmful to her? He would never touch her in anger or deny her anything. Everything he did for Lacey was to support her. Protect her.
Hadn’t he proved it in Abu Dhabi when he’d kept the pictures from being released? Hadn’t he spent lavishly on her throughout their affair? How did her life get worse because of him?
He was the one who needed to protect himself. He could have lost everything if their relationship had been revealed. He was addicted to Lacey Maxwell and risked everything for her. Why didn’t she see that?
But instead she cut off all contact. She gave up on them. She abandoned him.
Hafiz wanted to believe it was for the best. She was a distraction he couldn’t afford. He had almost everything he worked for just within his grasp. His work to improve the lives in the sultanate was making progress. He had made Rudaynah a wealthy country. He would regain the title of crown prince that had been stripped from him.
So why did he feel as if he had failed Lacey?
I need someone who will place me first.
Lacey’s words echoed in his head. He was a prince. He could not make a person more of a priority than his country.
Because he was a prince, he was not the man she needed. The knowledge devastated him. Most women would have accepted that. Most women would have been thrilled with the arrangement he offered Lacey.
But not Lacey. She wanted the one thing he couldn’t give her. No, wouldn’t give her. His duty to the sultanate may have sounded noble, but she understood him too well. All this time he thought he was trying to make up for his past sins, but he was just as driven hiding the fact that he was a man who couldn’t meet the high standards placed on him.
All he managed to prove was that he was not worthy of Lacey Maxell.
He had worked hard to make up for his mistakes, and he was a prince who was respected and admired. But was he the man he wanted to be? No. He was making the same mistakes.
Despite the punishment he had received for having a kept woman in the past, Hafiz had made Lacey his mistress. Not his girlfriend or wife. He hadn’t thought she needed that status. He had treated her as a sexual convenience instead of the woman he loved.
Hafiz had known about Lacey’s upbringing, but he had done nothing to make her feel safe in the relationship. She had been neglected and abandoned. Marginalized in her family. Instead of showing how grateful he was that she was in his life, he had kept her on the sidelines of his life.
