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I held up a finger, and he quieted down. “Apologies don’t come with ‘buts,’” I said gently. “Thank you for…” I frowned, not entirely sure what words I was looking for. I swallowed and tried again. “I know that this…” I motioned between us, trying to indicate whatever responsibility Fenris was taking over me, “I know this isn’t easy for you, and I appreciate you doing it. But what you did, what youintendedto do, Fenris…that really hurt me.”
I saw him flinch, and it took all my willpower not to crumple right then. I knew Fenris wasn’t trying to elicit a specific response out of me, which somehow made this even worse.
After what felt like an hour, he spoke again. “That…was never my intention,” he said gravely. “And I realize that isn’t really the point. You were, after all, hurt, but…” He shook his head, finally looking away.
Despite myself, I stepped toward him and gently squeezed his elbow. “You might be a shifter god,” I said quietly, “but you’re still a person. I’m upset with you, and that might linger a little, but I forgive you, Fenris.” When he gave me a sideways look, I offered a little smile. “And I trust you’ll do better next time, too.”
A determined look crossed his face. “Absolutely,” he said, practically transforming before my eyes into the Lunar Lord.
My lips twitched. “Good.” I turned, nodding toward Lyka’s cell. “Now…how is your brother doing?”
Fenris grunted and faced the metal door again. His expression went sour. “He keeps switching between complete madness and total despondence,” he reported. “He had another outburst earlier today. They seem to come out of nowhere.”
He looked so…“helpless” wasn’t a word I easily assigned to the Lunar Lord, but in that moment, I saw a younger brother aching to help his sibling, but powerless to do so. I gave Fenris’s arm a squeeze. I was still frustrated with him, but that didn’t mean I wanted him to suffer.
“Do you want me to see if I can reach his mind?” I offered quietly. “I don’t know what will help because I don’t know what’s going on, but understanding would be a good start, right?” At least I’d get an idea of what I needed to research.
Fenris watched me for a moment, his expression drawn. “I wanted to wait until after the eclipse,” he said. “I didn’t want to distract you, and if anything went wrong with Lyka…” He trailed off, looking back toward the door. He took a breath, shaking off his thoughts before looking at me again. “I don’t want to ask you for that until you’ve had a chance to recover.”
I shrugged. “I went for a run with my wolf. That helped—and night is falling.” The moon wasn’t nearly as full anymore, but any presence of it was helpful. It still left me feeling more energetic than during the day or during the new moon. “I’m not proposing anything extravagant. Just a simple psychic spell to try and sense what’s going on in there.”
Fenris gave me a look, but he was assessing me rather than shutting me down.
“I’m going to get my grimoire,” I told him. “I’ll be right back.”
It only took a few minutes to trot upstairs and fetch the Handmaiden book from the master bedroom. When I returned, Fenris looked a little calmer. I gave him a smile and leafed through a few of the pages I’d marked for myself. Once I found the spell I wanted, I motioned him over. “Why don’t you come help?”
“Help?” he repeated, lifting a brow. “How do I do that?”
I couldn’t help my catlike grin. “Well, I think this will be easier for me if I can focus strictly on the magic and on Lyka’s mind. I haven’t tried to reach someone through a door before. If you could hold the book, that’d really help.”
Fenris smirked. “You want me to be your table, is that it?”
A laugh escaped me before I could stop it. “Well, yes,” I said, giving him a wink. “The most handsome table I’ve ever seen. But I also want you to just…be steady through our mating bond, if that makes sense. The more solid everything is around me, the more I can focus on the magic—and Lyka. That should make this a little less exhausting.”
Fenris gave a nod. “I’ll be the best table you could ever ask for,” he said gravely, as if I had assigned him the most serious of tasks.
My smile grew. “Thank you,” I replied, taking a breath to steady myself. As I did, I could feel Fenris’s presence press against mine within our bond. It wasn’t unlike waking up against someone early in the morning. He was solid and warm but unobtrusive. It was perfect, exactly what I needed in this moment.
I took another few moments to regulate my breathing, and then I began to recite the words written down in the Handmaiden’s grimoire. Lyka’s mind became more apparent to me. It couldn’t have been more different from Fenris’s. Where the Lunar Lord’s mind reminded me of a castle or a fortress, Lyka’s was a small hut in the middle of a treacherous swamp littered with pitfalls.I could drown in here, I realized. The swamp was alive, and the branches and brambles seemed to bewatching meas I attempted my way to the hut’s old wooden door.
There were also obvious signs of struggle, reminding me of images of old battlefields I’d seen in high school. Places where the trees had been blown up, as if someone had used a weapon on them, or old divots overtaken by the wetlands. As I struggled onward, I realized the flood itself might even be a sign of something wrong. The trees here didn’t belong in water.
As I got closer to the door, it felt like everything shuddered. An earthquake…no, that was Lyka trying to force me back out. I hurried onward and grasped the door handle. It was cold and well-worn beneath my fingers. I didn’t want to force anything, but I knew Lyka wouldn’t let me in willingly. After everything that had happened, why would he?
I took a breath and nudged the door with my shoulder, its old hinges groaning as I got one foot inside. Almost at once, I was hit with a memory, bright and intrusive.
A woman who appeared to be about Fenris’s age twirled a long strand of dark brown hair. As she spoke, I felt irritated.Why doesn’t she ever do anything to help?
Another flash. There she was again, berating me for something I had nothing to do with. I blinked, and we were somewhere else. I was struggling to help two shifters put aside their differences and prevent the conflict from escalating into something worse. The tension in the room was palpable, and as one leaned in and snarled something to the other, I glanced over. “Sela,” I said, giving the brown-haired woman a nudge. “I need your help.”
She gave me a baleful look.“You’re the Lunar Lord, aren’t you? Fix it yourself.”
I took a breath and tried to steady myself as Lyka’s memories kept flowing freely.Was Sela his mate? Weren’t they fated mates?They acted like they couldn’t stand each other.
I took another breath and withdrew from the little hut in the swamp. The world stopped shuddering around me, as if Lyka had breathed a sigh of relief.
“What did you see?” Fenris asked.
