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11
Siobhan
Flopping on the bed, I let the thick pillows absorb my head. My brain is running wild. Thoughts pass through my mind like white water rapids, churning so hard it's giving me a headache.
Mark was waiting outside the building when I got home from the charity event. He didn't say a word to me. His hands were in his pockets, his mouth stiff and eyes hard. He went right to his room, and I haven't seen him since.
My parents have agreed to let him stay the night, but they're pretty set on him being out tomorrow.
This sucks.
I found something in Mark I haven't had in a long time, not since Jenna. An ally. Someone who's interested in what I like. Someone who enjoys more than just money and status.
And I'm pushing him away because I expect him to conform into something that he's not.
What the hell am I doing?
Tears bubble up over my eyes, but I force them away. Sniffling, I rub my eyes and roll over to my side. I shouldn't have to choose between happiness and family. I shouldn't have to choose between the things I love, the things I know, and the man who knocked my world sideways.
'You need to make a choice. . .' His voice plays over and over in my head like a skipping record.
He's not wrong. You know he's not wrong.
I do bend myself to fit. I do change to please them. I follow all the unspoken rules that are boxing me in and holding me back. And it's not at all what I want. I don't want this life. I never asked for this once.
Except I'm chained here, bound by blood and loyalty to a family that's never once asked me what I want.It's always been about them and how they look, about how we look to others.
How do I get out when I'm dug in like a damn tick?
I can walk away. Right? Just pack up and leave. . .
But then I have nothing.
If I go, I'll cut off. There won't be a trust fund waiting for me. The credit card I use is linked to my parents’ account, and they'll surely cancel it. It's as if they planned it this way. Make me rely on them for everything or have nothing.
Mark's right. I do have a choice to make, but it's not about what I want, it's about finding a way to get it. And right now, I only want one thing. Him.
Fuck their rules.
I glance at the clock. It's one in the morning. I know I won’t fall asleep with all these revelations swimming around in my head, so I climb out of bed and cross my bedroom. I open the door and poke my head into the hall, glancing left to right, then tip toe down the hall to Mark's room.
I stop outside of his door and listen, fumbling with my bottom lip, debating whether I should knock. My knuckles hover over the wood, about to knock, but then I quickly pull my hand away.
What if he doesn't want to see me? What if I ruined what we had?
I stand in the dark hall holding my breath, my hands shaking and my stomach queasy. Closing my eyes, I breathe through my nose and let it out through my mouth. With the tips of my fingers, I tap the door lightly, and push it open.
“Mark?” I whisper as I slip my head inside.
I've spent too much of my life living for other people, it's time to live for myself. He gave me this, the power to choose for myself. I'm choosing him.
The room is dark and full of shadows. I push the door open wider, and soft light from the hall seeps in highlighting the bed and Mark's body under the covers. He's facing away, the blankets pulled up to his ears.
Looking back over my shoulder, I duck inside and close the door behind me. With soft feet, I walk to the bed. My eyes are adjusting to the moonlight coming in from the windows, making it easier to see.
Carefully, I pull back the covers and slip behind him. Mark jumps, lifting his head off the pillow and looking back.
“Sia?” he asks, his voice groggy and scratchy.
