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He looks terrible. He was never really all that handsome; he was too pale, a good three inches shorter than me, and a little on the skinny side. It was never his looks and body that drew me to him. He was a nice guy—or so I thought—and I’d never dated the ‘nice guy’ accountant before. I’d always been attracted to the bad boys. The ones who work with their hands and don’t mind getting dirty. The manly-types. Since I hadn’t had great luck in the past with the bad boys, I decided to give Evan a shot. That didn’t turn out so great. I’m starting to wonder if maybe it’s me. Maybe I just don’t have good luck with men.
“Can we talk?” he says.
I should tell him to go fuck himself. I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. If he didn’t look so miserable, I would. Beneath his eyes are heavy, bruised-looking circles. He’s lost weight, his hair looks a bit thinner, and he looks like he’s aged years in a matter of weeks since I saw him at the mall. I guess I didn’t really bother to see how he looked then either. I was too busy paying attention to his pregnant girlfriend.
I sigh and open the door. When he steps in, I close it behind him.
“Hey Hercules,” he says to my dog in that high-pitched way people talk to animals. Hercules is not interested. He looks once at Evan in curiosity, then returns to his sleeping position on the couch.
“What’s this about, Evan?” I say, letting my annoyance color my voice.
“Can we sit?” he asks.
I motion to the couch. He sits on one side. I make sure Hercules is between us when I sit on the other. God, how could I ever have been with this guy? After being with Ram, it’s impossible to be attracted to anyone else. Has Ram ruined me? Will I ever be able to find anyone else who even compares? The thought makes me nervous.
“I’m so sorry for what I did to you,” he says, shaking me out of my reverie. I just stare at him, not knowing what to say to that. “I made such a huge mistake leaving you. You were the perfect girl, and I was so insecure around you. You’re so beautiful and sexy, and I was scared to death that you would realize that you were too good for me and would walk out the door. So when Shelly approached me, I just …”
Her name is Shelly? That’s about all I get from that whole line of bullshit he spills on me.
“I just wanted the attention. It wasn’t supposed to be anything more,” he says.
Why am I still sitting here? Why am I listening to this? I must be a glutton for punishment because I remain frozen on the couch.
“I guess it’s too bad she’s pregnant. Now you’re stuck with her,” I say, surprised at how cold I sound.
His mouth hangs open. I guess he didn’t realize I was aware of that. He shakes off the dumb expression from his face and straightens up.
“I’ll take care of the child. I’m not a dead-beat. But I can’t be with Shelly. I don’t love her. I love you. I need you back, Cadie.”
He starts to grovel and it makes me sick. I bite back all the venomous words I want to spit at him.
“After the way you betrayed me, there’s no way I would ever take you back,” I say in a matter-of-fact tone that leaves no room for argument.
“Oh … I thought after you sent those sexy pics, there might still be a chance for us. I look at them every day.”
“That was a mistake,” I tell him. “I shouldn’t have done that. I was drunk.”
A tear slips down his cheek. He hurries to wipe it away. He’s actually crying? If he wasn’t such a douchebag, I would feel sorry for him. Actually, I do feel sorry for him, douchebag and all. I know what it’s like to care deeply for someone who doesn’t return your feelings. I don’t know how Ram really feels about me, but it’s probably not what I’m feeling for him. And that sucks. It sucks that I feel anything at all because we can’t be together. Not now. Not after what happened today.
Does it make me a terrible person that I want Evan to hold me just so I have someone else as pathetic as I am to commiserate?
“Can I get a glass of water?” he asks.
I nod. He knows where everything is. He used to live here, after all.
While he’s busy doing that, I turn on my phone. There’s a ton of missed texts and calls from Ram. I’ll deal with those later. I find Gina’s number and send her a quick text.
Me: Get over here ASAP. Evan is at my apartment crying and wanting to get back together. WTF should I do?
Evan gets his water and settles back down on the couch. I tuck my phone under my leg.
“So, are you seeing someone?” he asks in such a sad, pitiful voice that I cringe.
“No,” I say, because I’m not sure what’s happening between Ram and me. Whatever is going on might all be in my head.
The doorbell rings. Gina! Thank God she lives nearby.
I jump up and answer the door, but it’s not Gina standing in my doorway.
