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“Cassie said she’s gonna show me how to make mini pizzas from tortillas for dinner,” Sophie says. She tries to look like she isn’t excited, but I can tell it’s a front. “I bet they’re gross too.”
“Sounds pretty cool to me. I’m sad I’ll miss it.”
Sophie pouts. “I wish you could stay home tonight.”
“I’m sorry.” I frown, feeling like a dick. “I have to deal with the gross scallops.” I eye her in the mirror. “It’s going to get even busier in the next few weeks. We’re adding some things to the menu.”
“Okay,” she answers quietly, trying not to let her disappointment show as guilt pangs in my chest.
Our last year hasn’t been easy. At times it’s been a downright nightmare, and I’ve thought more than once that if I’d known Sophie and I would end up here, I might have chosen a different profession. I love what I do, but I hate not being able to spend more time with her. She pretends that it doesn’t bother her, my frequent late nights, but I know better. There’s just nothing I can do about it right now.
“You’ll have to tell me all about the mini pizzas tomorrow though,” I offer.
Sophie nods. “Okay.”
I notice her school coming into view, signaling with my blinker as I prepare to turn in to the drop-off line. I know in the coming weeks I’ll have far fewer opportunities to drive her like this, and that only increases my guilt. I think that’s why I’m so desperate for Cassie and Sophie to hit it off. If I could imagine Sophie having fun and not holing up in her room, I might be able to notcompletelyhate myself for being absent.
“Tell Cassie it’s my turn to pick a movie tonight,” Sophie tells me before she hops out of the car. “She picked yesterday.”
She’s still trying to look as if she isn’t very interested. It almost makes me laugh. My daughter is a lot of things, but hard to read is not one of them.
I grin at her. “I’ll do that.”
—
I don’t go home immediately; I take advantage of the extra time this morning to stop by the gym on my way back, if only to cut down on the amount of time I will be alone in the house with Cassie without Sophie as a buffer. I’ve found during this last week that a long run on the treadmill usually helps ensure I am too tired to even think about whatever Cassie is wearing or how she’s fixed her hair. She has a habit of throwing it into a messy bun on top of her head, and while there’s nothing particularly special about the way she does it, it makes her neck look longer, makes it easier to notice. It’s one more thing I shouldn’t be thinking about.
By the time Idoget back to the town house, I’m worn out and sweaty and in good need of a shower. Thankfully, it’s nearly lunchtime, which means when I finish up everything else I need to do before work, I can escape to the restaurant and avoid any dangerous moments alone with Sophie’s nanny.
The house is quiet when I step through the front door. I hang my keys on the hook beside it as I notice Cassie’s closed bedroom door off the stairs. I consider stopping to check on her, but deep down I know there’s no real reason to, so I walk past instead to climb the staircase. I mentally go over my list of things to do before I go into work in a little while. I’m still working through my checklist in my head as I step off the landing to head toward the kitchen. Maybe that’s why I don’t notice her at first.
I cross the kitchen, opening the refrigerator door to look inside and noting several things we are getting low on. I guess I need to add a trip to the grocery store to my list. If I can find the time today, that is.
“I can go later, if you want,” I hear Cassie call from the living room, startling me. “I just have a few more assignments to work through.”
I stand there with the fridge door open, distracted momentarily by messy auburn tresses piled high on her head. It’s an actualchore to keep my eyes there and not let them dip lower, focusing on her face instead. Where it’s safe.
“I didn’t see you,” I tell her. “Sorry.”
She shakes her head, shifting in the armchair to move the laptop sitting between her crossed legs. “You’re fine. I had a few lessons I thought I’d get ahead on since you took Sophie. I totally would have taken her, by the way.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” I assure her. “I wanted to.”
“Any news on the scallop situation?”
I scoff as I shake my head. “Tonight is pretty much shot. I’m hoping to be able to find some more for tomorrow night, at least. If we have to make it to the end of the week without any, people will lose their minds.”
“Oh, no,” she says with a hint of amusement in her voice. “A clam-tastrophe.”
I groan at her terrible joke, but I can’t help but grin as I cover my eyes. “That was awful.”
“That’s sort of where I live, humor-wise. Somewhere between awful and lame.” Cassie’s lips curl in a smile, and that, too, is distracting. At this point in our living arrangement, I just hope I’m not unconsciously making a weird face when I look at her. “I don’t have a lot left to do here though,” she tells me. “I can run to the grocery store if you want. Save you a trip.”
I glance back in the fridge, remembering my earlier train of thought before I grab a water bottle from the inside. “That would be great, actually. I can leave you with my credit card. Just get whatever you guys need.”
“It makes sense anyway since I’ve been doing most of the cooking,” she points out.
I grimace. “I’m sorry about that.”
