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“May he have the life he deserves,” I mutter. “There’s no room for him in mine. And as long as he’s not paying child support, I have nothing to say to him.”
Theo smiles broadly. “Attagirl. I’m proud of you.”
“I’m healing, Theo.”
“You’ve got four hunks by your side, honey. I’d be healing, too.”
We laugh and enjoy the rest of our teapot. The Japanese rose fragrance fills my nostrils, and eventually I recover enough of an appetite to finish the rest of the pastries. I’m determined not to let Elijah ruin a single experience for me, and today is supposed to be about Theo and me. About my wellbeing, about my emotional health. About the changes currently unraveling in my life and the strength I seem to be drawing from each of the events. Elijah had the center stage for so long, yet he failed miserably. He doesn’t deserve a single sliver of my attention, no matter how much it hurts.
12
Stella
Being with four guys while also working a full-time job and raising two children on my own does take a toll on my perception of time. I lose track of certain details. The calendar is a constant blur to me. But every day is loaded and bright and beautiful. I’m constantly moving, constantly entertained to the point where even the maid’s gig ends up being fun. With the exception of a couple of rougher mornings where the physical exhaustion caught up with me, I can say with a growing degree of certainty that my life is flowing in a better direction.
Christmas came and went, but it was nice and pleasant, peaceful and shimmery. My babies and I got presents from Isaac, Noah, Levi, and Beau. Mine were the naughty and racy kind—fine silk and lace lingerie, some exquisite niche perfumes and body lotions, and a pair of sapphire earrings I’ve not had the courage to wear yet. I wouldn’t know what occasion would best work for them at this point in my life. But I rewarded my men wholly and happily for each of their gestures. My children got sacks filled with all kinds of toys and picture books, so that’ll keep them busy for at least a couple of weeks. It’s making Bella’s work easier, too.
As the days go by, Ava and Lucas fall into a pleasant and healthy rhythm. I spend the afternoons and evenings with them. I put them to sleep and wake them up in the morning. Bella looks after them until I’m back from my shift, and she also takes them to her place when I’ve got a night planned with the men—not that Bella is privy to the private details of my personal life. Nor does she care, truth be told; she loves my kids as much as they have come to love her.
I’m not accustomed to this kind of peace, which is why I’m still on edge, waiting for something to inevitably go wrong. Yet as long as things are running smoothly, all I can do is work, rest, spend time with my children and with four men who definitely enjoy my company. All I can do is enjoy every day and set money aside so I can move my precious family somewhere safe and close enough to the bed and breakfast to make the commute easy.
Ugh, I shouldn’t have had coffee first thing this morning.
I’m slightly nauseous and more tired than usual. I forgot to make a note of my last period, too, so I’m pretty sure I should start soon. New Year’s Eve is coming up fast. I just hope it doesn’t strike then. Maybe that’s why I’m so out of it today. Nevertheless, I persist through my shift with a smile on my face. Beau and Levi want to have a private dinner tonight, just the three of us. It’s bound to get my kind of dirty, so I might as well focus on work and let the day slip by faster. Maybe I’ll wear those earrings then. They’ll certainly appreciate it.
“Mommy loves you both,” I tell Lucas as I kiss him and leave him with Ava in Bella’s care.
“And they love you,” Bella says, her tone of voice gentle as always.
“Ava’s formula is in the fridge, as always,” I tell her, smiling. Isaac had our room fitted with a fridge and a freezer as well as a microwave oven for the kids, especially for the colder days when tea and hot meals are part of our daily routine. A thoughtful, kind man. “And Lucas should take a nap after lunch with his sister. He stayed up late last night.”
“Oh, really?” Bella replies, giving my son a curious look. “What were you doing up late, little man?”
“I think it’s the sugar rush from all those Christmas sweets he got this year,” I reply with a laugh.
“Yeah, I can’t blame him,” Bella sighs. “We stuffed our faces, too. Mince pies, candy canes, hot chocolate with marshmallows, cinnamon buns, you name it. It’s only once a year, though, so it’s not like it’s a problem, right?” She glances out the window. “There’s a storm coming this weekend.”
“That’s life by the ocean, huh? And I do portion what they get on a daily basis just to keep their blood sugar in check. But even so, Lucas has a low tolerance, and the sugar rush is a given.”
“At least it’s always followed by the sugar crash, which is when he finally falls asleep,” she shrugs, smiling at him. “Have a good day, Stella. I’ll keep an eye on the tiny devils until you get back.”
“Thank you, Bella. As always, you’re a star.”
I give her one last smile, then make my way downstairs to the maid’s locker room, where I quickly change into my pale blue uniform and put on a white apron. We’re supposed to serve a family breakfast for Isaac and Noah in the tearoom, which is across the hallway from the breakfast room usually reserved for the Elizabeth’s guests.
Not being a fan of waiting tables in general, I am somewhat nervous, especially since this is Isaac and Noah’s family. The Kendricks are political royalty, and they’re here for a late Christmas breakfast since they spend the actual holidays at their Aspen chalet. Entire generations have either served in Congress or have built up the family fortune over the years. Real estate and hotel businesses, finance and tech conglomerates, even some beverage brands have recently come under their umbrella. Whenever a Kendrick decides to run for office, the entire business portfolio is passed down to the next in line.
I’m pretty sure Isaac’s parents are currently grooming him for a political career of his own, something he also wants, though the thought does make me nervous. He’d leave the Elizabeth. We wouldn’t be able to continue this affair. And I know I’d miss him terribly.Gah, there goes that emptiness in the pit of my stomach again. Theo was right. I need to be careful about catching feelings, but who am I kidding? I’m in too deep already, dammit.
Connie waits for me outside the tearoom with the service carts already loaded and ready.
“Good morning, sunshine,” she says with half the enthusiasm I’d expected.
“Good morning to you, too. What’s up?” I ask, hearing voices from beyond the tearoom’s closed doors. Laughter and perhaps one too many people.
My colleague rolls her tired eyes and sighs deeply. “I was hoping only the old Kendricks were coming in today, but they brought a cousin and two Ivy League babes they likely want to shove down Isaac’s and Noah’s throats.”
“What do you mean?” My blood runs cold. It’s hard to focus. This isn’t how I’d imagined the breakfast service to begin. Suddenly, I’m feeling rather self-conscious, wishing I’d let my hair down instead of pulling it up in a tight, glossy bun.
