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Setting the cloth and spray aside for a moment, I reach into the front pocket of my pale green maid’s uniform and instantly wince at the caller ID.
"Crap," I mutter to myself, fully aware that my day is about to get worse. "Hey, Mom."
"Ah, glad I caught you," she says, and I can hear my kiddos giggling somewhere in the background. "I need you to get home within the hour, Stella. I can't look after your children anymore."
The blood freezes in my veins. "Whoa, whoa, hold on," I manage. "I'm at work. I just started this job. What are you talking about?"
"I have a lunch date," my mother replies.
"Mom, you can't do this to me," I say, my voice trembling. "I need to finish my shift and make sure I still have a job tomorrow. You know how important this is. How the hell am I gonna move out of your place otherwise?"
"Stella, it's not my fault you threw your life away on a man like Elijah. Look at you now. Two kids and your hospitality career in the gutter while you slave away for a living. Your husband is gone. I am done paying for your mistakes. Rodney wants to take me out to lunch, so I'm letting him take me out to lunch today. I'm not your nanny."
I could kill her. The sheer amount of hypocrisy coming out of her mouth right now makes my blood boil.
The dread is quickly overlapped by blind fury as I take deep breaths and try to figure out a way to get her to stick around until I get back to Scarborough.
"Mom, for the love of everything that's holy, you said you'd look after Ava and Lucas while I work this job, at least for a couple of weeks until I can afford a babysitter again," I whisper. "You can't just change your mind when it's convenient. Today is my first day, dammit. I can't afford to lose this job, especially not with Christmas just a couple of weeks away."
"And I can't afford to lose this man. Rodney’s a good man."
"So was Michael before him. And Sam. And John. And the many others who preceded them. You keep going through them, Mom, just like you did with Dad."
Crap. I shouldn't have said that.
Regret immediately pierces me.
I hear her inhaling sharply and wait for the devastating blow that is sure to follow. “I’m not gonna let you ruin this for me. Be home within the hour, or I’ll leave the kids in their bedroom with the door locked since their own mother can't be here.”
“Mom, you can’t—” I try to reason, but she hangs up. Dammit!
Hot tears sting my eyes as I struggle to remain upright.
I collapse into the chair by the window, surrendering to a torrent of tears, the weight of my world pressing down on me.
It’s all too much.
My mother. This life.
My children, my sweet innocents, unwittingly paying for my mistakes.
This isn’t the first time I’ve had to drop something and rush back to Scarborough to take care of my kids after she promised she’d cover for me. Yet I never learn my lesson. I’m still foolish enough to rely on her. I keep placing bets on a horse that disappoints.
It’s not supposed to be this way. My life isn’t supposed to be a series of plan B's. Elijah and I—we were supposed to be a duet, growing together and nurturing our family tree. But here I am, juggling jobs, all to keep this ship afloat while my children’s father is hardly in the picture. He left me and our children behind. I was an idiot for believing we could make it work.
But my mother can’t keep throwing rocks at my wheels when I’m about to make some kind of headway. She can’t keep sabotaging me when I need her the most. Dammit, she promised she’d look after them until I can afford a babysitter.
“I can’t believe this,” I sob like a little girl, my whole body shaking as I crumble under the pressure of it all.
At least nobody is around. The Elizabeth’s guests are either up in their rooms or out and about since they have plenty to see around town. I’m helpless once again, at wit’s end and struggling to make ends meet.
Dammit, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.
I had dreams and aspirations. I wanted simple things for myself and for my children. Yet I sit in a chair in the empty breakfast room. Almost certain I’ll be fired if I leave. I could catch a bus back to Scarborough since it’s not even noon, but I’ll lose this job which I so desperately need. I can’t feed my kids with scraps anymore. We need proper food. A proper place to call home.
“What the hell am I going to do?”
“Are you okay?”
