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I feel so stupid right now. So invisible and worthless. I’m standing behind the bar, and they’re maybe thirty feet away from me. They don’t see me. They don’t even register my presence. They just look at each other, sucked into the most awkward conversation while I languish here, praying for the floor to open up and swallow me whole.
I’m planning my escape. I’m getting ready to run away because I don’t have the courage to face him or Isaac. Or Levi or Beau, for that matter. I’m terrified and lonelier than I’ve ever been. How did I get here?
“How long have you been standing there?” Samantha’s sharp tone breaks through.
Suddenly, I’m self-aware again. She and Noah are staring at me. She looks utterly displeased, but her feelings don’t really matter at this point. Noah’s blank gaze makes me all kinds of sick to my stomach.
“Are you okay, Stella?” he asks.
I nod slowly and avert my gaze. “My apologies, I was just polishing the bar. Excuse me.”
“Wait, Stella,” he calls out, but I won’t let him catch up.
Rushing out of my room, I blink back the tears as I make my way through the lobby and over to the outdoor terrace. The bed and breakfast isn’t too crowded at this hour since most of our guests are out and about.
I’m invisible. I really am invisible.
This pale blue uniform makes me disappear. I’m part of the staff. Lost in the furniture. A detail that evades the eyes and ears of most. I look behind and see Noah coming out of the breakfast room, his gaze searching for me. I slip through the cocktail lounge but hide just behind the other side of the massive mahogany bar, since Beau and Levi are close by. Frozen in my corner, all I can do is watch and listen, surprised they didn’t notice me as I walked right past them.
“So, what will you do?” I overhear Beau asking Levi.
It’s only noon, but they’re already sipping prosecco and eating club sandwiches. I’ve never seen either of them drinking this early in the day. Naturally, I’m intrigued. I don’t even make an effort to hide as I eavesdrop on their conversation, though. And they don’t notice me. It borders on infuriating at this point.
“I’m not sure yet,” Levi says. He leans back in his chair, his white shirt unbuttoned halfway down and revealing a patch of curly red chest hair. “Joe wants me to fly to Los Angeles before the end of the month so I can have a proper sit-down with the studio execs. But I know they will want me on set for the entire shooting duration.”
“And that’s for a whole season, right?” Beau asks.
“It takes about eight months to shoot one season, and they’re ready to sign for five of them. There are nine books in the series, though, so I’m guessing there’s a possibility for a total of nine seasons, one for each book.”
“That’s amazing, Levi. That’s pretty much what you’ve always wanted.”
“Yeah, but it means moving. I’d be living in Los Angeles for most of the year,” Levi replies. Yet another blow to my very soul as I put two and two together.
We did talk about this, not that long ago. Levi mentioned having to fly back to Los Angeles for a meeting regarding one of his book series. This is it. The breaking point. The moment where everything begins to unravel, where the truth starts staring me hard in the face and reminding me yet again of precisely how insignificant I’ve always been to these men.
The paradise I thought I’d built here is beginning to crumble, and it starts with my disappearance from their focus. From existence itself. “Look at me,” I whisper, wishing they could hear me. “I’m standing right here. You could see me if you wanted to.”
But they don’t see me. They all have dreams and ambitions, careers and fortunes to build. Why should they bother with the likes of me when they have the world at their feet? My insecurities have crawled back to the surface, and there is no way I’m able to beat them back. It’s too late. My heart is heavy. My soul is fragile. And I’ve endured enough pain and uncertainty to know this isn’t the place for me.
I don’t belong with them. Not with Isaac or Noah. Not with Beau or Levi. And certainly not with the four of them at once. It was fun while it lasted, but it’s time for me to cut the cord and get out of their way.
Making my way up the stairs, I work hard to keep the tears from gushing. There’s a river waiting to flow freely, yet I cannot show any emotion. Not out here. Not in public. Not when so many people might notice.
Therein lies the irony of my situation. As long as I am quiet, nobody can see me. But if I show the slightest sign of suffering, the sharks will immediately catch the scent of blood in the water.
“Stella!” Noah’s voice freezes me at the top of the stairs.
“Dammit,” I whisper, having hoped I’d get away. Alas, I can only turn around to see him rushing to catch up with me. “Hey, boss.”
“Boss?” he frowns, looking downright insulted.
“I’m still in uniform,” I reply with a shrug.
Noah stares at me for a moment, then gently takes me by the elbow and around the corner for a smidge of privacy as guests roam up and down the steps. “What’s going on with you?” he asks, watching me closely. “You’ve been out of it for a while now.”
“I’m fine, just tired.”
I’m not fine. I’m losing myself in the blue pools of his eyes. A man I can never have, much like I can never have his brother or his best friends. He looks so handsome in his salmon pink shirt and smart jeans, a snazzy gold watching glinting on his wrist. He looks like a veritable Greek god, and I love the smooth texture of his freshly shaved skin. He comes closer, and my heart starts beating faster. It’s too much for me to bear.
