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“Maybe that’s your problem. You overthink everything.” He got out of the car and came around to open my door.
I climbed out, unsure of what he would do, but Drew just closed the car door behind me and followed me into the house. I felt jumpy and self-conscious, which I’d never felt around him before. But he’d made me suddenly very conscious of my body ... and his.
“Relax,” he said as we reached the main floor. “Make some tea. Let’s just hang out and talk.”
I put the kettle on to boil and pulled out my tea selection while Drew hummed and found the mugs.
“I’m not gonna jump you, Brick.”
“You’re not?” I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or disappointed. I mean, hell, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to him from the moment we met.
He laughed. “Not yet.” He leaned against the counter beside me and elbowed me gently. “Don’t get me wrong, I definitely want to. But if and when we fuck are your choices. I won’t be another reason for you to hate sex.”
“I don’t hate sex.” I couldn’t look him in the eye when I told that lie.
“Ah, but you wouldn’t say you love it, right?” When I didn’t argue, he continued. “You never learned to love fucking because you’ve never had a man care enough to put your pleasure first.”
“Ouch.” I glanced at him.
“Painfully close to the mark?”
I put the teabags into the mugs and nodded. That question shouldn’t surprise me. Drew saw things other people missed.
He dug deeper for the truth with his next one. “Is it totally their fault?”
I looked up. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, Zel, did you tell them what you wanted? Did you ask for satisfaction? Or did you think you didn’t deserve to feel good because you heard you were fat and ugly so many times that you believed it?”
I swallowed and couldn’t meet his eyes again. It was too hard. “How did you know?” I whispered.
Drew reached past me to turn off the flame under the kettle. He took hold of my shoulders and gently turned me to face him. His hands slid up to cup the sides of my neck. “Because I’ve been there, babe. We’ve talked about it. I was a scrawny, scared kid who got the crap kicked outta him daily at home. My dad called me all the names. I hid from my misery inside make-believe worlds.”
“Yeah.” I bit my lip. “I find it hard to think of you that way.”
“Me, too, which is why I don’t talk about my childhood. It was violent, it sucked, and it’s history. Therapy is my favorite hobby. I started writing to purge the monsters from my mind. Turns out my books help other people, too. And the tats?” He touched his inked forearm. “They hide a lot of scars.
“Here’s the thing,” he continued. “Along the way, I learned I was worthy of love and pleasure. And I realized a lot of the people I met didn’t know that about themselves. You’re no exception, Brick, but you are exceptional.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m not.”
“Yeah, babe, you really are. The allure of your voice is only superseded by the sexiness of your body.”
He brushed my hair back from my face with a tenderness no man had ever shown me. I just stood there staring at him, unable to come up with a response.
“Now, I’m going to kiss you, Zelda Gordon. Unless you ask me not to?” He waited, head cocked, brows arched, his fingers resting on my skin, a butterfly’s caress.
“I ... don’t know what I want.”
“That’s okay. Let’s start with a kiss and go from there. You tell me to stop or go. I’ll do whatever you say.” His face drifted closer as he spoke until his breath brushed my lips when he added, “I just want to make you feel good.” He kissed me gently, lovingly. His mouth wasn’t greedy or aggressive, but it held a question:Do you want more?
A voice in my head answered,No.Stop! What are you doing? He’ll see your fat body. He’ll know Tristan’s right.
As if he heard my vicious thoughts, Drew pulled back just a little and murmured, “It’s okay, Zel. Take your time, but tell that voice in your head to shut the fuck up.”
I opened my eyes to meet his gaze. Stepping into his touch, I pressed my mouth to his. I wanted this, had wanted it —him— for a long time. And I really wanted to silence all those self-doubts once and for all.
Drew pulled me close. His tongue teased my lower lip and slipped past my teeth. Our tongues touched and I sighed.
