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I pressed my lips together.
Aithan asked gently, “Are you’re gonna let Tristan steal that feeling from you forever?”
I stared at my striped socks and considered their words.
“Think about it, Zelda,” Candace continued. “He insulted you to assert power over you. And you’re still letting him.”
That felt like a kick in the tits because it was true. I looked at her. “I thought you were his friend.”
“Nah. I’m his roommate. That’s not the same thing. We get along, but it’s not like we hang out or anything. He does his thing. I do mine. Tristan isn’t the type of person I’m friends with. He’s too insecure and selfish.”
She was right — they all were — about Tristan, about the bikini, and about me giving up power to him. I tucked my hair behind my ears. “Okay. I’ll put it on.”
Aithan brushed a kiss against my temple. “Good. Get back on that bike. I think you’ll be glad you did.”
I went up to my bedroom and pulled the bikini from the back of my lingerie drawer then sucked in a deep breath before changing. I didn’t look at myself in the mirror, afraid I wouldn’t like what I saw. Facing the bedroom door, I closed my eyes and gave myself a mini pep talk. “You can do this, Zel. You’d planned to wear this in front of a beach full of strangers. You can wear it in front of friends.” I blew out another slow breath but sat on the bed instead of heading downstairs. “Fuck.” I was shaking. Maybe this was that delayed post-Tristan freak out.
I jumped to my feet at a tap on the closed bedroom door.
“You okay?” Aithan was in the hall.
Was I gone that long? “Maybe?”
“Can I come in?”
I swallowed. “Yeah. Okay.”
The door swung open, but Aithan just gawked. “Holy moly, woman.” His face lit up with the dopiest grin. “You’re stunning.”
I shrugged and looked away, feeling profoundly insecure. I sank back onto the bed.
He closed the door and came to sit beside me, all delight smothered. “Not feeling it, huh?”
“No. Feeling more like the girl who hid in her bedroom eating cookies after another really shitty day at school.”
He put his arm around my shoulders, and it felt so good to be sheltered like that. “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, Zel. Then you’d know there’s no reason to feel self-conscious.”
“It’s weird. I’m totally secure in my work. But in my appearance?” I raised my hand and rocked it back and forth. “I guess I just heard too many lumbering elephant jokes when I was growing up.”
“From?”
“The kids at school. They called me Zaftig Zel. I was tall and fat, had zits and braces and long greasy hair. I wore the baggiest clothes I could find. And it got worse when my thyroid went wonky. I had anxiety attacks and gained eighty pounds in six months. My high school boyfriend dropped me ’cause I was embarrassing. I ended up hospitalized and stopped going to school.” I shrugged. “After that, I just didn’t want to beseen.”
“That’s rough, especially since I want everyone to see me with you, beautiful.”
I rested my head on his shoulder. “I really need to get over this.”
“How can I help?”
I tilted my head to consider him. Aithan was so good to me; I hoped I deserved him. “Hold my hand? Maybe my hair, too, if I throw up?”
He chuckled. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done that. At least you won’t be drunk and obnoxious.” He stood and offered his hand. “Coming down?” I took it and let him pull me to my feet. He grabbed my robe from the back of the bathroom door, “so you don’t get cold,” then led me downstairs. I shouldn’t have been anxious, but I couldn’t shake the shame Tristan had attached to the bikini and my body.
Candace and Tobias were still in the kitchen. We entered the room and he stared. “Damn, Zel, you’re a knockout times ten.”
His sister’s eyes widened. “I wishIcould fill that out the way you do. Belinda Emory has nothing on you, girl.”
I fought the urge to snatch the robe. “Who?”
