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“Zel? Any chance we can be friends?”
I closed the first aid kit. “I don’t want to have this conversation tonight, Tris. Right now, the answer is no.”
He nodded, but a little spark of hope burned in his gaze. “Okay. Then let’s have it again in a year. That’ll give me time to change your mind.”
I moved Lulu to the floor and washed my hands. “Okay, a year. But I make no promises.” I pinned him with a steady gaze. “I’m serious. Don’t assume anything about us because, for the first time in a long while, I’m really happy where I am and who I’m with.”
He nodded again. “That’s fair.”
“More than fair.”
He finally sipped his coffee while I put honey in my tea.
“Zel?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you really need the protection order?”
I stiffened and considered the slowly swirling tea in my cup even as I considered his question and my answer. I turned and I sounded pissed even to my own ears. “Is that why you came here? To convince me to drop it? To let you off the hook for the bullshit you’ve pulled over the last few weeks?”
He shook his head and raised his hands, as if fending off an attack. “No. That’s not it. I really came here to apologize. I never meant to hurt you ... I mean ... I know I’ve been an ass, but I’d neverhityou, Zel. I’m not my dad. I’m not likethat. You know I’m not.”
I nodded. “I know.”
Tristan skipped school almost as often as he attended it because he was hiding bruises, afraid that a report to CPS would only worsen the abuse. He was the oldest child and he took the worst of the punishment, willingly. As much as he was a dick to me and everyone else at school, he’d taken all the hits at home to protect his younger brothers.
His mom finally divorced his dad after Tristan moved out of the house. He hated her for putting up with the man’s violence for so long. His brothers hated him for leaving; it meant the abuse turned on them and then their family fractured.
I blew steam from my tea and took a careful sip. “Don’t ask about the protection order. It’s not something I’m going to discuss with you.”
He nodded. “Okay. Sorry. That was selfish.”
I put down my cup. “Listen, I know you’re trying. I also know you suck at this because your family was a fucking disaster. But you had two years with me, Tris. And I tried to make it work. I tried so damn hard because I know you’re not a monster. But I could not keep doing it alone.” I leaned toward him. “You’re not your father? Well, I’m not your mother. I won’t put up with abuse, and constant insultsareabuse.”
He gulped more coffee. “You’re right. You’re one of the few people I know who always is. I have shit for brains, Zel.” He didn’t say it sarcastically. He sounded like he meant it.
“No. That’s more self-pity. You need a lot of time with Stoneman. You were doing so much better when you were seeing him and taking your meds.”
He grimaced and scratched his scalp. “I’ll try to remember that.”
“Please do. I tried, but you just tuned me out.”
“You weren’t the only one saying it.” He shrugged. “But lifelong habits are hard to break.”
“Tell me about it,” I murmured, thinking of my body image issues.
“I’m sorry I lied to you so much.”
“About what?”
“Lots of things,” he muttered then clarified, “Your appearance. I’ve always thought you were beautiful, but I didn’t have the balls to own it. I let the opinions of the fucks I called friends influence me more than my own feelings.”
My mouth was hanging. I shut it with an audible snap. “No. You don’t get to tell me that now. We dated for two years, Tristan. You had all those months to say it. I know you think this is confession time, but that’s more than I can swallow.”
He shrank in his seat. “I just needed you to know. Maybe someday you’ll believe me.”
“Maybe, but not tonight.”
