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She sighed. Water splashed over her slender fingers and into the sink as she waited for it to run hot. “She asked us not to tell you.”
“Why? And don’t say she didn’t want to upset me. That’s a load of crap I’m not buying.”
“Honey, I don’t have an answer. She didn’t say exactly why she didn’t want us to share this information with you. I assumed it was because she wanted to tell you herself. I’m as shocked as you are to learn she kept it a secret.”
“It’s because she’s sure I’ll think less of her, but I’m already annoyed with her very existence. Her divorce can’t make me like her any less.”
“Zelda,” Mom started, but I interrupted her.
“Don’t do that. Think about what she did to me the last time I saw her. She pushed me to stay with TristanafterI told her he was abusive. She did that knowing her own marriage was falling apart. I don’t understand her at all.”
Mom started washing the dishes, handing plates and teacups to me as she rinsed them. “Honestly, Zel? I don’t really understand what’s happening in your sister’s mind either. She’s moving her entire practice up to the Pacific Northwest. She’s staying with us until she settles the divorce, then she plans to move to Bellevue and begin a new practice there.”
“That’s crazy.” I stacked another plate atop the clean ones. “She has a well-established practice in San Francisco. Why shutter that and start all over again up here?”
Mom dunked all the silverware into the soapy water, transferred it into the clean rinse water, and placed it on the counter for me to dry, then wiped her hands on another towel. “I don’t know this for certain, so please don’t repeat it to your father because it’ll just make more trouble, especially with her moving into the garage apartment. Can you keep it to yourself, hon?”
“Of course.”
Mom looked like she’d swallowed something so rotten it was making her sick. “I think there’s another man.”
I stopped drying. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Please don’t swear. But, no, I’m not fucking kidding you.”
“Jesus H. Christ.” I shook my head and dried spoons. “Well, there’s one saving grace in the situation.”
“What’s that?”
“No children.”
Mom nodded. “You’re right there. And it’s a big blessing. I wonder if the lack of children is part of the problem.”
I started drying the knives. “Is that on Greer’s end or Theo’s?”
“Hers, I think. He’s always been very clear that he didn’t want children. Greer didn’t either until recently. Please don’t tell her I told you this, but she stopped her birth control a year ago. I don’t think she told Theo.”
“Wow. That’s a shitty thing to do. Talk about breaking trust.”
Mom nodded slowly. She grabbed another dish towel and dried the forks.
“You think Theo figured it out, went ballistic, and Greer started looking for another baby daddy?”
“Don’t be crass. I don’t know for certain there’s another man. But I suspect Greer kept this from you because she wants you to think she’s perfect. She puts a lot of pressure on herself to be a flawless role model for you, Zelda.”
“On the surface, that sounds thoughtful, Mom, but if you scratch off the finish, you’ll realize it’s actually manipulative and self-serving. Any mistake she makes ismyfault because she’s trying so hard and it’s all for me. And ifIcan’t live up to that example, then I’m not trying hard enough or I’m simply never going to be good enough. It’s not fair to her and it’s definitely not fair to me. And I one hundred percent never asked her to do that.”
With the dishes dry, I started gathering the ingredients for the galette I’d promised Drew.
“I know, honey, but your sister has always struggled to make up for the imperfect foundation that Prentice gave her.”
Pears. Cranberries. Cinnamon. “Which is also bullshit. Prentice was never a decent father. He didn’t even try. But Dad has always been there for her. Just because he didn’t make her doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her just as much as he loves me. That was blindingly obvious to me, and I don’t resent it all. What I do resent is her refusing to acknowledge he’s the real father in her life. I also resent her making your divorce an excuse for her own crappy behavior. She was five. And Prentice hasn’t been around. She’s lucky if he remembers her birthday and Christmas. So why does she give a shit about what he thinks?”
“Because it’s the first imperfection in her life. You said it yourself, Zelda, that foundation is cracked. She’ll never be able to repair it. So she strives to make every other aspect of her existence as perfect as possible, and unfortunately, that includes you.”
I took out mixing bowls and measuring cups.
“Well, I wish she would stop. Drew and Aithan think I’m perfect. And I’m trying really hard to see myself through their eyes. I don’t need Greer reminding me of my flaws. I need her to forgive me for being imperfect, to forgive herself for being imperfect, to forgive the whole damn world for being imperfect.”
