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I can’t resist stroking my fingers through his hair, wondering what is running through his mind. “What’s going on, Elliot?” I whisper, louder than intended because he looks up at me, his eyes sparking in the darkness.
“I… Fuck, Red. I can’t keep doing this.”
“Doing what?” I swallow, my heart crashing against my rib cage. A living breathing thing in my chest, desperate to escape. To declare my feelings for him.
But I don’t. I can’t.
Because the last time I put myself on the line, Elliot rejected me. He broke something inside me that I’m not sure he’ll ever fix.
“Fighting this. Keeping you at arm’s length.”
So don’t, I want to scream.Pick me. Choose me.
Love me.
But I trap the words. Because Elliot has demons all of his own.
Instead, I ask, “What about Lauren?”
His expression darkens. “What?”
“Lauren. Surely you haven’t forgotten her already. The girl you were with last night before…” I trail off, unable to say the words.
Silence stretches out between us, fraying the invisible tethers that bind us.
“This is a mistake.” I go to pull away, my heart shattering in my chest. But Elliot bands his arm around my back, anchoring me in place.
“Lauren is no one.”
“And I am?” I scoff.
“You know you are.” A shudder rolls through him. “But it isn’t that simple.” He drops his face and I instantly feel the loss of his searing gaze.
“Elliot.” I slide my fingers under his jaw and bring his face back to mine. “What do you want?”
“You.”
That one word rocks me to my core.
It’s all I’ve wanted to hear. That big bad Elliot Eaton wants me. That he feels the same as I do. But it isn’t the declaration I was hoping for. Because despite not wanting to believe, he’s right, things aren’t simple between us.
“What?” he says, reaching for me to press his hand along the curve of my throat. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“Tell me why you were fighting.”
“You really want to know, Red?” I nod and his lips twitch. “Because you drive me in-fucking-sane. Because I saw the look of devastation on your face when Reese mentioned Lauren. Because I wanted to claim you right then in front of everyone and I knew I couldn’t.
“My life… My life is a fucking shitshow, Red. I don’t want to pull you into that, I won’t.”
“Because I’m weak? Because I’m not as pretty or popular or?—”
“Stop. Just stop.” He grabs my hands and pulls them to his mouth, kissing my knuckles.
“You’re one of the strongest people I know, Abi. Strong.” He turns over my hand and kisses my palm. “Beautiful.” A feather-light kiss across my wrist. “Resilient.” His lips trace a path up my arm to my shoulder until he pulls me down on his lap. “Kind. Brave. Loyal.”
His hand finds its way to the back of my neck and his fingers dive into the hair there, pulling my face down to his. “Wanting you isn’t the problem, Red.” He stares at me for the longest time, and I feel like I’m soaring. My stupid foolish heart falling headfirst into his words.
Until he says, “But we don’t always get what we want, Abi. My life isn’t a fairy tale and I’m certainly not a prince.”
