AllFreeNovel
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Does she look at me and know what happened? That my father’s death wasn’t the only thing that crushed me that night?
“I hope you all have a great time,” I say, ignoring the lump in my throat.
“I don’t know who is more excited. Us or the boys,” Tally says. “We’ve rented this gorgeous villa overlooking the ocean and… are you absolutely positive you can’t come? There’s five bedrooms, so you and Elliot would have your own room each.”
“Tally,” Liv hisses.
“What? I’m just saying, it isn’t like they’d have to share.”
“Maybe next time.” I force my lips into a smile.
“We’ll hold you to that.” Tally smiles.
“When do you leave?”
“Friday as soon as classes get done. Our flight isn’t until eight. But we’ve booked a lounge at the airport.”
“Exciting.”
I’ve never been out of the country before. Dad was always too busy for extended family vacations and Mum… well, I can’t think about her right now.
Not without feeling like I might break apart.
“Take lots of photos,” I add, and I mean it.
Everyone’s lives don’t have to stop just because mine has.
“We’ll miss you,” Tally adds.
“It’s only ten days. I’ll be fine.”
God, I hate that word.
I hate it so much.
Because I am anything but fine.
But they don’t want to hear that I can’t sleep because my skin feels too tight, or the shattered pieces of my heart feel like they might explode out of my chest.
They don’t want to hear that sometimes I am so overcome with a sense of fear and loneliness that it paralyses me. That sometimes I wonder if it would be better for me to just not exist.
They don’t want to hear any of that.
So I keep it locked away. I shove it all down inside myself and paste on the best fake smile I can muster and tell them I’m fine.
Because lying is better than the truth.
Lying is theonlything that’s going to get me through this.
“Okay then, if we can’t persuade you otherwise…”
“Go.” Brittle laughter spills out of me. “Go pack and repack and pack some more. And text me when you arrive.”
“We’ll text you tomorrow, silly. Or you could try and come to class.” Liv holds my weary gaze, but I give her a little shake of my head.
“I… I can’t.”
“Okay, okay.” She stands, giving my hand one last squeeze before releasing it. “Remember, if you need anything?—”
