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I need to not feel this… this sheer desperation. This hopelessness and utter, utter loneliness.

Before I can stop myself, I reach for the shard of glass, the one I concealed behind the taps, where I originally found it.

It feels dangerous in my hand. Sharp and jagged. But something else unfurls inside me.

A yearning.

Until a wave of shame hits me, so strong I sink to the tiles, my back hitting the shower cubicle. Tears stream down my face as I stare at the piece of glass, an internal war raging inside me.

I don’t want to die.

I don’t.

But I do want to cut out the pain living inside of me. To carve it from my chest, out from under my skin.

Drawing my knees up, I tip my head back and inhale a sharp breath. My hand drops between my thighs as I let the emotions consume me once more.

I can’t do this.

I can’t fight it.

I’m not Olivia or Tally or Raine. I’m not a bad ass girl who can fight for herself and what she wants.

I’m broken and scarred and terrified of what my future holds.

I’m a mess.

Only this time, there’s nobody to pull me out.

This time, there’s nobody to watch over me and tell me it’s going to be okay.

I sob harder as the tip of the glass shard cuts into my thigh, as I drag it along my pale skin.

And in that moment, I hate myself.

I hate that I’m not stronger.

But underneath all the shame and hatred is another feeling. One that I cling to as blood trails down my leg, dripping onto the tiles.

Relief.

10

ELLIOT

My skin is itching, concern knotting at my stomach.

I shouldn’t have left her.

But I didn’t know what else to do.

My instincts told me to scoop her off the bed, throw her over my shoulder and bring her back here. But I couldn’t do it.

Abigail didn’t want me there. She certainly didn’t want to be here with me watching her every move.

But there was a little voice that said it was exactly what I should do no matter how much she would hate me for it.

I find myself gazing at the front door picturing myself storming through it with Abigail in my arms. The vision excites me more than I think it should.

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