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Nerves build inside me.
This was a cry for help, just like the last time.
Back then, he was drowning in grief, and he had no idea how to handle it. He might have said that he wanted to join her. But if that were true, he’d have used his gun.
Just like he would have done last night.
He’s drowning and I just didn’t see how close he was to going under.
Yes, I might have thought I was taking precautions by hiding the knives, but it was nowhere near enough.
With a pained sigh, I drop my head into my hands. The strength it takes to hold it up is suddenly too much to bear.
“He’s going to make it through this,” Doc says, his voice confident and unwavering. “It’s just another bump in the road.”
I know he’s right. JD will get through this. But at what cost?
“Thank you, Doc. For everything.”
“Anytime, you know that.”
I give him the best smile I’m capable of and fall silent again as he finishes up.
After giving me very strict instructions about changing over the blood bag in a few hours, he gives my shoulder a supportive squeeze and heads toward the door.
“Call me if—”
“I know,” I say, cutting him off. “I will.”
“Things will look brighter tomorrow,” he says positively.
Will they?
If Doc wants me to see him out, then he doesn’t show it. Instead, he slips out of the room and thumps down the stairs. I wait until the front door has opened and closed before stepping up to JD’s bed and studying the fresh bandage on his arm and the plastic tube disappearing into the skin on the back of his hand.
“What do you think, J? Will everything look more positive tomorrow?”
When a reply obviously doesn’t come, I take another lingering look at his face before slipping into his bathroom.
I left a bucket of cleaning supplies in here earlier, but I didn’t have the energy to embark on the challenge after talking to my brothers.
Now though… well, I still don’t have the energy, but if Doc is talking about letting J wake up tomorrow, then it all needs to be gone.
He can’t see this.
Stripping down to my boxers, I fill the bucket with hot water, and set to work.
There have been many, many times in my life that I’ve been covered in other people’s blood, but none of them hit me as hard as this.
The second I look down and find J’s blood smeared over my legs, I swear my entire world crashes down around me.
* * *
After cleaning up every inch of what happened inside that bathroom, I threw myself into his shower before starting on the carpet he’d fucked up as he must have tried to get to the bed.
By the time I fall back into the chair, the man in the bed is the only remaining evidence of what happened here recently.
If only that was as easy to fix.
