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“Lily, please let me explain—”
“So, it’s true? What the article said?”
“How did you see it?” Rae said as she pulled into their driveway.
“Gabby showed me at lunch.”
Of course, the teen tyrant would be the one to tell her daughter.
She parked the car in their driveway and turned toward Lily. “Honey, there’s a lot of false information in that article, which is why it was removed from the site.”
“Which part was false?”
The hope in Lily’s eyes killed Rae. “Well ... the part about Angel and me being suspects in the investigation, for one.” Not exactly thetruth, but there was no way the police could pin Thomas Highsmith’s disappearance on them.
“What else?” Lily said.
Rae had spent nearly sixteen years hiding not only her work but most of her history from her daughter, and she knew the next words she said would destroy her baby girl. “There is nothing else. The rest of it ... Lily, there’s a lot I need to explain to you.”
“Like what, Mom? How you lied to me this whole time? And now the whole school knows.”
Rae had never seen Lily this angry before. Her sweet, mild-mannered girl’s face was red, her mouth closed tight, and her eyes wide and tearful.
“Honey, please—”
“Fuck you!” Lily jumped out of the car, slamming the door as hard as she could.
Rae watched her run across the street toward Klo’s house. Fine. She needed space, and Rae would give it to her, but it had hit her square in the chest to hear Lily curse at her, something she had never done.
Slowly, Rae made her way inside the house, Iris waiting for her at the front door. She stroked her black fur, and the cat circled around her legs. At least Iris wasn’t angry at her.
She went to the kitchen and filled her teakettle, as if chamomile tea could possibly calm her nerves at this point. She checked her phone messages and was thankful no clients had canceled sessions. Not that it mattered too much since everything was paid in advance, but she was worried about clients stopping services altogether. Then she checked the kink-community sites again and saw a private message from one of her friends, Devon, a.k.a. Mistress Maven, a fellow Domme who worked at a local play dungeon on the weekends to pay off her student loan debt for her undergraduate degree while she worked on her master’s. They never used their real names on the kink sites:
Hi V, I saw the link that was going around earlier today and read the article. I’m so sorry they exposed you like that, but in a way I’m glad I saw it. I need to talk with you in person if you’re able. It’s important. I can meet up anytime. Tonight even. Just let me know. XO MM
Hey M—I can meet you for a drink. Let’s say Picasso’s at 6. See you soon. V
Rae sent a quick text over to Lily, doubtful she’d actually read it, but she needed to let her know she was going out, and Lily would be on her own for dinner unless she came home now. She was surprised when Lily immediately texted back:Eating at Klo’s.
Rae heated up a bowl of vegetable soup, but stress had killed her appetite. She decided to down a mozzarella stick with her tea and bolstered herself for whatever Devon had to tell her.
CHAPTER 17
RAE
2009
Rae was so tired of hitting pillows with floggers and crops until her arms felt like overcooked noodles, but Viv said she needed more practice before moving on to an actual person. As much as Rae wanted to quit at times, a fire deep in her belly kept her determination up. And when Viv critiqued her, the fire in her grew, and she wanted nothing more than to prove her teacher wrong. She would do it until she was perfect.
“Action without intention is like a novice artist slapping clay around, making a mess of it like you are now,” Viv once told her during a particularly grueling training session. “But if you put intention behind your commands, behind every impact on skin, that’s when clay shapes into art. That’s when you can create a masterpiece with a person’s desires.”
Rae tried to soak up the teachings, but it wasn’t always easy with her pregnancy forcing her to acknowledge her body’s and her mind’s fatigue. She was fifteen weeks along now and showing much more. She didn’t have any baby things yet, and she had thrown most of her money toward the prenatal visit and the used Honda Civic Viv helped her with.Viv’s mechanic friend said it would probably last another year or so without a new transmission, which was good enough for Rae. She had never had a car, and the amount of freedom it would give her made her light-headed. She still needed a license, though. She wished Viv were as patient at teaching her how to drive as she was with instructing her on dominatrix practices, but Viv’s reluctance only made her work harder to get her license so she could drive the car herself.
Nearly everything in Rae’s life was looking up, but she couldn’t help worrying that something would come along to ruin it. Most nights, she’d wake up in Viv’s guest room drenched in sweat, her heart pounding. Once, she even woke Viv up by screaming. Viv assured her she was okay, but that’s because Viv didn’t know what Rae did in California. She didn’t know how certain people were likely still searching for Rae, which was why Rae only left the condo to go to work and to occasionally grab a few personal items at the small grocery store nearby.
Viv noticed her reluctance to leave the house, and she eventually stopped pushing Rae to come with her to meet up with friends. As much as Viv felt like a mother to Rae, she wasn’t. Viv had her own life, and Rae didn’t want to hold her friend back from enjoying it, even if it made her nervous on the nights Viv spent time with friends or attended play parties. During those times, Rae put her energy into her practice or reading one of the hundreds of books Viv had in her collection.
After so many weeks of the same routine, Rae felt safe, but she was also lonely. As if Viv could read her mind, she stopped eating the late Saturday lunch she had picked up for them and slapped the small kitchen island they were sitting at.
