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Chapter One
Trinity
"I can't believe how incredible this place is," Mari Diego says, looking all around the ballroom of the hotel. Her dark hair and tattoos look stunning with her ballgown "It's gorgeous."
"Right?" Isabel Vargaz murmurs, sipping from her champagne flute. Her lipstick doesn't budge. Her makeup is on point tonight. Like Mari, she looks absolutely beautiful. "They really went all out for this. It's a little surreal."
"No kidding," I say, trying not to gape at our surroundings. Le CRV magazine outdid themselves for the Women of the Year party. The ballroom is absolutely breathtaking, as is the hotel itself. I feel a little like an imposter surrounded by so many amazing people. Everyone from NFL players to photographers to socialites turned out tonight to honor the five Women of the Year chosen by Le CRV.
Mari, Isabel, and I are three of the women being honored. Mari is a music producer and plus-size model. Isabel owns a mail-order specialty chocolate shop that is quickly becoming a force to be reckoned with. Two of the other nominees own fashion lines. I feel a little like the odd girl out. I'm just a former model turned-small-business-owner with a famous brother. Yet everyone has treated me like a queen since I arrived in New York.
It's a little crazy in the most amazing way possible.
"Trinity!"
I glance up from my champagne flute to see Vanna Arquette headed across the opulent ballroom toward me with Jimmy Catalano in tow. Her heels click on the tile floor, audible even over the murmur of fifteen different conversations happening all around me. Her red evening gown is absolutely gorgeous. It fits her curvy body like it was designed for her. It may very well have been.
Vanna is the Editor-in-Chief of Le CRV magazine, the biggest plus-size magazine in the United States. She started as a fashion columnist a decade ago but worked her way up. The magazine has exploded in popularity under her strict guidance. She works her ass off to make sure the magazine is the best it can be. Everyone who comes into contact with her seems to like her and the passion she brings to any project. I don't know her well, but nothing makes me happier than seeing another plus-size woman succeeding, especially in the world of high fashion.
Not too long ago, there weren't many of us. Unless you were a size zero, there were no seats at the table for you. That's changed in recent years. Thanks to the work of women like Vanna and Mari, the world is finally taking plus-size women seriously. People say I played a role in that too, but I think the credit really belongs to my brother, Gray. He's a professional hockey player. When I started modeling at eighteen, no one wanted to tell his little sister no.
People that normally would have slammed the door in my face or laughed at the thought of a plus-size model jumped to find me work. I went from working small, local jobs to appearing on magazine covers in the span of a few years. The work was grueling, and I had to fight to be heard every step of the way, but I'm glad I did it. I learned a lot about myself and the way the world works. I also quickly realized that I preferred the behind-the-scenes part more than the modeling parts.
I'm twenty-five now, and I own a plus-size modeling agency in California. My company is small, but our models have been featured in every major women's magazine in the world, including Le CRV. As for me, I haven't been in front of the camera in over three years.
I'm a little nervous about being in front of one again tomorrow, but Jimmy is a great photographer. I worked with him once about a year before I stopped modeling. We were doing a beach shoot for a new curvy swimwear line. It was one of the most stress-free jobs I've ever done. I don't hang onto many of the photos from my shoots, but I have a candid from that shoot hanging in my office. I love how it turned out. I'm staring out into the ocean with my hair all wild around my face and my arms around my knees. I think it's the first time anyone came close to capturing who I am underneath the makeup and poses.
I'm a little shy, and a bit of a homebody. At the end of the day, I love nothing more than stripping off my work clothes, putting on my pajamas, and drinking wine on the deck of my beach house while I read a good book or catch up with my family over FaceTime. I'm the exact opposite of this party, as beautiful as it is.
Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be here…but I'll be equally as grateful when I can respectfully sneak out to soak in the oversized tub in my hotel room. My Kindle has been calling my name all day. I fell asleep in the middle of a steamy scene last night. I'm dying to finish it!
It's not like I'll be getting to experience passion like that anytime soon. Truth be told, as glamorous as people think my life is…they're wrong. I've been on three dates in my entire life, and none of them went anywhere. Men think they want an independent woman until they're actually presented with one, and then they back away like they're afraid we bite.
It didn't bother me much until recently, but it's been weighing on me more and more of late. All of my friends are getting married and having babies. Even my brother has found his one, and I never thought he'd find his perfect match. He's awkward and nerdy and wildly inappropriate. But Camila is perfect for him.
She's my age and is as independent as I am. Women are always hitting on him because he's a hockey player, but Camila doesn't care about that. She genuinely cares abouthim, not his money and his fame. He worships the ground she walks on and would never ask her to make herself less or try to clip her wings.
Seeing how happy they are together really drove home how lonely my life has become. I've never seen him so damnsettled. And she just glowed the entire time. I want that for myself. But I'm ready to give up on ever finding someone who not only loves me with his whole heart, but who accepts that my company is my baby.
I worked my ass off to make it what it is today. It's important to me, not just because I built it, but because of the men and women who sign with me. Modeling can be a vicious, toxic environment. I've seen far too many models being told they're too fat or too different or toosomethingto make it.
I'm working to change that.
The men and women who sign with me have a voice, and the companies we work with are heavily vetted to ensure they respect our models as human beings. We don't work with brands who use plus-size models as examples of who not to be, or those who aren't size-inclusive. I want to live in a world where bodies of all shapes and sizes are celebrated, and that's what my company strives to create.
I won't give that up for anyone. It's too important to me.
Like my mom says, the right one wouldn't ever dream of asking me to do that anyway. He'd support me wholeheartedly and would want to see me and my company succeed.
But if the right one is out there…I wish he'd hurry up and find me because I'm not even sure who or what I'm supposed to be looking for at this point. Sometimes, I don't think anyone will ever check all my boxes. I want butterflies and weak knees and someone who knows how to be in control without trying to control me. I want romance and adventure and someone who can fuck me up against the wall with his hand around my throat and then tuck me in and cuddle me like in my books. Does that man even exist in real life?
If he does, I haven't met him yet.
"It looks like Vanna is on a mission," Isabel observes, smiling as Vanna and Jimmy dodge an elderly couple spinning around the dancefloor like they're eighteen again.
"She's always on a mission," Mari says, laughing. "She works harder than anyone I've ever met."
"Hey," I say when she and Jimmy finally reach us.
