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The sad truth is that as angry as I am with my dad, I still love him. I know that he means well. He’ll have to earn his spot in my life though.
“Maybe I don’t mind doing the same. I need to learn who I am, and it’s not a contract bride. I’m a human. I’m your daughter. I need time to get to know myself with or without you.”
“I can agree to those terms.”
Those terms? I stick that irritation in the front of my brain where I can pluck it out to use during the bout. But guilt pangs inside of me for not telling him the full story. I try to speak on his terms.
“We have to make risk assessments, right, Dad? I’ve listened. I’ve learned things. Just give me a chance to sort myself out.”
He smiles when I say risk assessment.
“That’s what your mother said. I have to give you time. I’ll do it, but I can’t guarantee which position I’ll have open for you whenever you decide to come back.”
“Dad, I need you to be my father, not my employer. I need someone I can turn to when I have questions about life, when I need support, when I feel like everyone turns against me.”
“That’s hard for me. I’m not the emotional type.”
“Can you just be there to listen? You listened to mom and you’re on the phone with me, that’s a start.”
He smiles. “I suppose I can commit to listening. I do love you, Wendy.”
“I know you do, in your own way, but not working together will be the best way to nurture that.”
Nikki rolls into the locker room. “Five-minute call.”
“Sorry, Dad. I’ve got to go. We can talk later.”
“I’ll have my people call you and set up a time.”
“No, Dad, we’re not going to have our people talk. We’re going to do it.” For the first time, my dad might truly respect that I’m not his property.
How damaging will my secret relationship be if he finds out?
Twelve
Axel
WeshowedupforWendy’s roller derby bout, but in the interest of making it less obvious, we invited the whole MC. It was pretty easy to convince the rest of the gang to come watch girls in spandex get rough and sweaty with each other.
“Our sister’s off-limits,” I remind my brothers. Not my birth brothers, my found family of brothers in the MC. “She’s number twenty-three, Roll Play.”
It’s hard enough for me to share her with my brothers. I want her to myself.
Catcalls and general rowdiness erupt as the derby girls take the track. They joke about my claim, but I know they heard me.
I get lost in thought. Her derby name…Roll Play. She likes pretending. Is that because she’s been escaping the reality of her world, even if just subconsciously knowing she wasn’t loved for herself? It hurts. How the hell does she deal with it?
Is there similarity to how I get caught in my head, missing things that are right in front of me?
I want to ride home and tell Dad to apologize for everything he ever said that made her think she wasn’t enough, and to give her job back. But mostly, I want to take Wendy in my arms and hold her, protect her from the world.
Could I do that with Knight and Nova by my side? We could make sure she’s safe to be herself. Nobody fucking judging her or telling her what to do, and with the extended family of the rest of the MC, she’d never be at risk.
Watching her skate and crash into other women, the intensity on her face is insane. It’s a little reminiscent of when she was younger and would try to get a toy that we were keeping from her. She still has an innocence about her, but she’s jaded.
Rightly so. I fucking hate everyone who’s done that to her. I can’t think about it.
My eyes are glued to my sweet princess, Roll Play, as a member of the other team makes an illegal move and shoves her out of bounds. My girl is smart. She knows how to fall. I hate that she’s had to learn that.
