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“Would it happen to have anything to do with my queen?” Amory asked gently.
I let out a sigh as someone handed me the parchment. “It has everything to do with your queen.” I held up a hand to John. “I know, I know. Spare me your speech. You believe I will never be accepted here, I need to shut down my feelings, so on and so forth.”
He gave his head a shake. “On the contrary, I am only worried about you.”
I began writing. “Well, if ever there was something to risk it for the biscuit, it is this.”
Amory was grinning. “Let me know if you need any help with this plan of yours.”
My hand stilled, but I did not look at her. Couldn’t. I did not want to see the hopelessness in any of their eyes. Not when my own was waging war beneath my skin. “First Malachi was oddly helpful, now you? What is happening? Esta has made me no promises. Every bit of this could be for naught.”
She smiled as she got up. “As royals, neither of you are really allowed to court traditionally nor keep things casual. She knew that yesterday. And still....” she trailed off.
“And still,” I agreed. I loathed how right she was. Not many people knew what had transpired between us, and I didn’t think the ones that did would talk of it except to one another. Still, I needed to have things in motion on my end. Plan for the best, prepare for the wreckage.
“And John?” I asked.
“Yes, Keir?”
“I am considering a return home for the Harvest Festival.”
He gave me a curious look, as did Amory. “You are leaving?”
My eyes went to hers. “Only for a short trip.”
Emric lifted a hand. “Sea shanties aside, I hate sailing. I can stay and keep trying to change shifters as insurance.”
“Oh,” John stated as he looked me over. “You need to speak to your king.”
He was finally sensing what I was saying without saying it at all. Except he only knew half of what I was up to. “I need my brother, yes, but not for the reason you likely assume.”
A smile played on John’s lips. “Risk it for the biscuit.”
I turned back to the parchment. “But first, a letter, then a ball.”
CHAPTER39
Archer dressed me in black on black. I was exhausted due to not sleeping much the night before, yet I also wouldn’t have changed a thing.
“You look great, My Prince,” Archer commented while brushing off my shoulders. I was again wearing no vest, the top two buttons of my shirt undone as was the cooler and preferred Dra Skor style.
John stood watching, also dressed and ready for the ball, and quiet. Entirely too quiet.
“What?” I said to John as Archer moved to Emric. “If you have something to say, just say it.”
“You did not come back to your room last night and Amory returned Dex to our area of the castle this morning. I was not born yesterday. Here I thought this one,” he gestured to Emric, “would be the one to cause problems.”
Emric huffed. “Offended.”
“I did not mean tocause problems,” I snapped. “I did not ask for this. I did not want this. And after your urging, I even tried to shut it all down.”
“And you are unable to do so?” John asked more gently.
“Yes.” I had to clench my jaw before I lost my cool entirely. “Yes. And believe me, after my failed Assemblage, the last thing I want to do is throw my hat in the ring for a fight I am already fated to lose.” I let out a sigh. “And even then, the thing everyone keeps forgetting about my Assemblage was the outside influence from my father.Make Michael Noyer happy. Get close to Delaney. Go here. Do this. Kiss this woman. Give this woman hope even if you do nothing with it.More than kissing was even highly encouraged. It was supposed to be mine, but it wasn’t. Because even with my name on it, my father still had his claws in it!”
My chest heaved, not losing my cool clearly gone to the wayside. No one said a word, so naturally, I kept going.
“Again, I did not ask for this and I sure as hell tried to stop it, but this is theonlything I have done for myself in what feels like years.Years.I played into my father’s hand for my Assemblage so that he would not see us coming. I gave up the crown because it was what Wylan needed. I rather consistently do what is needed of me.” I paused. “This? This is what I want. It will be messy, and I do not know what it even looks like at the end of the path, only that it is the one I wish to take. I will not give her up. Not yet anyway.” I had to swallow down emotions by the end of my rant.
