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“I want you to be happy,” Shelby countered firmly, hugging her again as she spoke to her. “I love you, but I’m afraid that if you stay here, we’ll be in the same position a few months from now. If you come home with me? Then I’ll be busy with my patients… and you’ll be bored. However, I want you to have your own adventure, to explore and find your place, knowing you are safe. I don’t want anyone bothering you – and I want you to be able to choose what you want to do.”
“What if I don’t like it?”
“Then you leave. It’s that simple.”
“What if…”
“What if you like the freedom, the fresh air and can’t imagine coming back?” Shelby finished softly, smiling at Lena, who was looking at her with fear in her eyes, nodding. “Then I can come visit youthereinstead – and you can show me around your new home, your new world.”
“I’ve never traveled before.”
“Like I said, this would be an adventure… with cushions.”
“No one there will have pills of any kind?”
“Nope. No users, no temptations, just you and the wide-open skies of Wyoming.”
Lena looked at her, afraid and hopeful. Was this the ‘running away’ that she had been hoping for? Could this be a chance to start over? No pills, no druggies in town, she had never traveled outside of Sweet Bloom, and the idea of the wide-open skies sounded so appealing. Maybe there would be mountains? Weren’t there deer and buffalo in Wyoming?
But what if this was a trick? Came the little insidious voice in the back of her mind.What if this was a trick to get you to leave so they could lock you away, Loser…
“Can I think about it?”
“Of course.”
Just the fact that her sister didn’t get upset or push the subject made her feel a little better. If this was some way to ‘dump off Lena,’then she would have pressed harder because Shelby didn’t hesitate going after anything she wanted in life. The woman was stronger than anyone gave her credit for and would always give it everything she had.
“When could I go?”
“Honestly – I would need to reach out to Harley to find out a timeframe, but I’m betting it’s just a matter of arranging a flight for you. I think the cabins are ready now, or at least that’s the impression I got from my friend.”
Crossing her arms, Lena pulled away slightly and looked at her warily.
“Would you be upset if I wanted to go…now?”
Shelby’s mouth dropped open in shock.
“I’m tired of feeling like a burden, and I see it in your eyes sometimes,” Lena continued. “I know you want the best for me, but sometimes I feel like I’m holding you back. If I could do this, take a chance at finding my own two feet in a place where no one knows me – then maybe I could start over without the guilt, the fear of letting you down, and make my way,” she finished quietly. “I love you, but I think I need this more than either of us realize. I don’t want to have to call your office again, and somehow, I know deep down inside that if I stay here? It will ruin both of our lives – and Mom is not an option.”
“No,” Shelby laughed tearfully. “Mom really isn’t. I love her, and she’s the best… but we aren’t her and certainly don’t fit in her mold that she had pictured for either of us.”
“I’m the blob that leaked over the edge of the mold, landing on the floor, staining it,” she muttered under her breath, having had this discussion more than once with her mother about how ‘she could do so much more with her life if she but tried’… that always completely undermined anything she wanted to attempt to try.
“Lena!”
“We both know she wanted doctors to work with her – and neither of us has fallen into line with her plans.”
“I avoid it at all costs,” Shelby admitted. “I love working in a small town, and the thought of working in D.C. just makes my skin crawl. It’s not Mom but rather the lack of personal attention, you know? I mean, back home people smile and talk to me all the time because I’ve delivered their kids; but there, I would be a ghost among them.”
“I understand, probably better than you realize.”
She felt like a ghost now, moving around the town, unnoticed and unseen, as she listened to her sister talk for a few moments longer.
“Is that what you are doing with Wyoming? Jumping?” Shelby asked.
“Straight off the cliff, into the breeze, and praying like I’ve never done before,” Lena said quietly, looking away. “I can’t do this anymore, but I’m not so lost that I can’t pull myself out of this mess. I’m jumping ship before I drown.”
“Then I’ll make the call to Harley.”
