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It’s definitely cheery in this place, I guess that’s more comforting than I thought it would be since I find myself giving her a genuine smile back.
“Miss St. James, I’m Dr. Willow, Eileen said this is your first?”
I’m so out of it that I never got my nurse’s name, but that must be who she’s talking about and I nod. “Yeah.”
“Well, congratulations. Now, are you ready to see your baby for the first time?” She asks, slipping her hands through a pair of latex gloves.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I answer with a nervous chuckle. “Will it ever get any easier?”
Dr. Willow smiles. “Most women are nervous during their first appointment, but usually end up being eager for the rest.” She rolls a large cart over to us that houses a screen, then pulls a barstool at the end of my bed and takes a seat. “Place your feet in these stirrups and try to relax.” I eye the spaces where she instructs me to put my feet and slowly get into position. “This might feel uncomfortable for a moment, but it will be worth it.”
I take a deep breath as she inserts a wand looking thing inside of me, then snap my head to the screen when a thumping noise takes over. Right there, in the center of everything, is a small blob and in the middle of that blob is a glitch. “What is that?”
“That is your baby’s heartbeat, which seems to be going strong.” She pulls the cart closer, moving the cursor around on the monitor before smiling at me. “One hundred fifty-two is the baby’s heart rate, you’ve got a strong one.”
My eyes sting with tears as I watch the screen and listen to the baby’s heartbeat continuously thump through the machine. This should be a wholesome moment, with Emmett standing beside me and seeing our baby for the first time, but I’m alone.
It hurts.
What could Emmett have been doing today that was more important than this? That he couldn’t carve out thirty to forty-five minutes of his time to be here with me? I swipe at the tear that falls down my face and jump when a tissue gets held out to me. I’ve been so entranced with the moment that I failed to realize Dr. Willow had put the wand back and the screen was now blank.
She smiles. “This is usually how the first appointment ends up going. Amazing, isn’t it?”
It really is. The idea that I’m keeping another human safe until they are ready to come out into this world, that I’ll be the one to teach them everything they need to know about it, it’s a better feeling than I thought I’d get when coming here. “Yes,” I whisper to her and dab at my eyes.
“Here you go, these are for you.” Dr. Willow hands me a roll of images and adds. “You’ll set up your next appointment four weeks from now.”
She walks out without another word, while I stare at images of the baby growing inside of me in awe.
***
When I finally walk through the front door of my brother’s house, my blood runs hot at the sight of Emmett sitting at the kitchen island, a cold beer in his hand as he smiles at something my brother said.
That smile should’ve been something I saw at the appointment, not afterwards when he couldn’t even bother to show up. This is what he was doing while I sat alone, seeing our child for the first time?
What if Dr. Willow had done the ultrasound and there wasn’t a heartbeat? I would’ve had to get through it by myself, crying into an empty room with only a stranger to comfort me through it, while the father of my child sat here day drinking?
Dominic glances up, his eyebrows furrowing at the sight of me. “Casey, I didn’t hear you come in. How did it go?” He glances at Emmett nervously and runs a hand through his hair, clearly unsure if this is something that can be talked about with others.
I smile. “Don’t worry, he was going to fire me after how much work I missed and I had to tell him what was going on.”
“Oh, uh, right,” Dominic says. “So?”
My gaze cuts to Emmett, who’s staring at me silently, a hint of regret shining in his bright eyes. Good, he should hate himself for leaving me alone. I smile at my brother and hold the images out to him. “Everything is good.The baby’s healthy and all that happy shit.”
Dominic looks over the images with a smile and hands them back to me. “Still not wanting to find the father?”
I take a deep breath and shake my head. “There’s no point. I highly doubt he wants to be part of its life anyway. This wasn’t exactly the way things were supposed to go, but I’ll deal with it on my own.” Hopefully, these words will cut Emmett deep enough to get through his thick head. “I forgot to stop at the store. Do you think you could make a run for me and get some juice? Seems as though that’s about the only thing I can drink without puking everywhere.”
He nods. “Sure thing, sis. Relax.”
As soon as he walks out the door, I snap my head in Emmett’s direction and glare at him. “Are you kidding me?” I ask. “You left me alone so you could have a few beers with my brother?”
Emmett sighs and looks down at the table, but that’s not about to happen on my watch. If he gets to act like this, he’s going to look me in the eyes as he does. I stomp over to him, slamming my hand down on the table beside him and forcing his gaze up to mine. “You’re nothing like the man I thought you were. That I had hoped you were.”
His eyes flash with hurt. “Can I, uh, see them?”
“You made your choice when you didn’t show the hell up, Emmett!” I throw the images at his chest. “But, here, have a look at everything you’ll be missing out on.”
