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I was in Kai’s room, and more specifically, in his bed. I rolled over and just stared at his sleeping face, taking in all his handsome features.
I carefully lifted a finger and let it trace the face of my mate. Myfatedmate. Slowly, ever so slowly, I felt the strong bridge of his nose, his powerful brow, then his thick, dark hair. He really was unfairly attractive, and he was all mine.
I felt like I was dreaming all over again because I’d spent years imagining this exact moment. Back then, I had to stayaway, pining for him day in, day out, fighting the visceral way my body and soul wanted him.
Of course, I’d had plenty of torrid fantasies which forced me to take care of myself acoustically, so to speak, but it was the more domestic desires that were so poignant. The idea of eating a meal together before we both prepared for the morning. Falling asleep after long, hard, days. Brushing our teeth. Cooking. Getting to justbein each other’s presence without threats, curses, or anything else hanging over our heads.
Sadly, the last part hadn’t really changed. I knew I shouldn’t cave in, yet what was I supposed to do? Kai seemed insistent on his downfall, and my ability to resist him disappeared once I’d had a taste. Pandora’s box was opened, and now there was no shutting it again.
Besides, Kai was areallygreat mate. He was kind, compassionate, cared about his men deeply, and was an all-around excellent leader, despite being, comparatively speaking, quite young for a captain. He was also emotionally available. If he was just another arrogant knothead beating on his chest, it would have beensomuch easier to ignore him. But, no, Kai had empathy and reacted accordingly. He wasn’t like the stunted alphas I knew who were too scared to ever appear vulnerable, running around with so much false bravado.
“Hmm?” Kai murmured in his sleep.
I pulled my thoughts away from anger and worry. I wasn’t making any noise, but our bond would let my negative emotions bleed over into him, and that just wasn’t a pleasant way to wake up.
It was like trying not to laugh after already getting the giggles, though. The more I forced my mind into thinking about happy things, the more the fear stacked up.
Like the whole “he’s a prince” situation. Talk about a surprise. I saw how this might be a bit hypocritical consideringmy own backstory, but if I hadn’t come face to face with his duke of an uncle, I’m not sure I’d have believed it. In what world did princes run away from their wealth and finery to slum it in a fort on the edge of the kingdom and fight an eternal war against Vekas?
Besides, if my mate was a prince, how could I live with myself if my curse robbed the kingdom of the heir apparent? I was putting him in danger just being around. I shouldn’t have been sleeping in his bed, risking his life for some nookie.
It was always back to the same argument in my head, and I was so sick of it. Yet the thought reasserted itself whenever I had an idle moment to actuallythink.
“You okay?” Kai said blearily, his eyes cracking open. But his chocolate gaze was hazy, still full of the confusion from breeching the thin layer between sleep and consciousness.
“I’m fine,” I murmured, smiling at how handsome and sweet he looked. I loved his gentleness just as much as I thrilled when he ripped out the throats of our enemies, even if my inner wolf didn’t care about the first part. “Just thinking.”
“Are you sure? You didn’t push yourself too hard with the battle, did you?”
“No, no, I didn’t. I promise.”
That was the truth. It was quite the experience putting the relic in, but I’d largely been tapping into its power and not using my own, which I was grateful for. I wasn’t keen on a repeat experience after nearly fully draining my reserves of magic during the first battle.
“You’re thinking about the curse again, aren’t you?”
He was far too coherent for having just woke up. If it wasn’t an emergency, I needed a hot shower, a hair brushing, and a glass of something cold before I felt capable of interacting with another soul.
“Maybe.”
He shook his head and let out a soft, chiding sound. “Honestly, what is there even left to debate at this point? I feel like we’ve chased that fox around every tree possible.”
“You say that, but the fact is you’re our crown prince, and I’m endangering you by being here. I’ve got enough innocent blood on my hands as it is. Do I really need to take the whole country down with me?”
I meant to say it jokingly, but I must’ve missed the mark because Kai sat up and pulled me to his warm chest. Once again, I knew I should pull away, but I didn’t. I buried myself in his solid form, hiding my face in the crook of his neck so I could inhale his scent.
Despite everything, he was home. He was safety. He was mymate.
“Hey, none of this was your fault. The only person to be blamed for your curse is whoever put it on a literal baby. That was someone truly evil, and I need you to keep in mind it’stheirmagic doing this, not you. Once I find them, believe you me, I’m not only going to make them break the curse, but I’ll make them regret the day they ever decided to do something so insidious.”
Emotion surged through me. Once, I’d have shoved them down, denied myself because feelings were a luxury I couldn’t afford while fighting to survive and hiding in plain sight.
But ever since Kai learned the truth, and since we’d shared our bodies and our bond, I’d finally been safe enough to reallyfeel.Emotions were often overwhelming, and they were so sharp, occasionally it seemed like they’d cut right through me, but I was happy to have them. It was incredibly demoralizing to be denied such a basic part of existence, and I wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone.
“I just want to make it clear I know none of this is a joke, and I take it seriously. I understand we need to be careful, but Ialso refuse to let whoever this evil fucker is win by continuing to isolate you from all the good things you deserve.”
“You…” So many years of isolation didn’t exactly lend itself to a copious number of tender words, and instead, I lifted my head and pressed my lips to his. It was soft, tentative, but I hoped he could feel exactly how much I appreciated him.
Because, despite everything, despite how much trouble I was down to my core, he didn’t blame me. I didn’t understand how, since everything was clearly my fault, yet he didn’t. This just made me want him even more.
