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I could’ve wept, but I didn’t think my body was physically capable. Gods, I really loved them. My mate. My friend. Mypack.They were carved into my soul, and I couldn’t deny it anymore.
“Do you think if I sit you up, you might be able to drink some water?”
I nodded weakly and could have wept again at just how gentle Kai was as his arms slid under me. He was so strong, an alpha through and through. He could snap me like a matchstick and yet I trusted him completely. He would never hurt me.
Too bad I couldn’t say the same for myself.
I’d hurt him when healing Mad Dog, hadn’t I? I couldn’t blame it on the curse. That was allme.
I was so ashamed.
But Kai couldn’t hear my inner monologue, and his expression was impossibly tender as he held a straw up to my lips. I pulled the liquid into my mouth as best I could.
“There you go,” he said, voice so fond. So sweet. He was far too good for me. Was this when he’d realize it? When he’d escapeme and live the happy life he deserved? “You’re doing so good. You really are amazing.”
I couldn’t say anything and just drank the water until he took it away, lifting a cloth to dot at my forehead again. I realized how gross I was, covered in dried sweat, a little bit of vomit which hadn’t made it into the bucket, and the slimy residue in my soul from the illness.
“Bath,” I blurted out of nowhere, the words scouring my throat. “I want a bath.” I looked over at Kai, feeling guilty for asking even more of him, but I was desperate. “Would you help me?”
“Of course,” he said, his arms sliding under me again and lifting me up like I weighed nothing. “I told you, whatever you needed. I’m here for you, Ayla, and I’m not leaving.”
It was harder to believe him now, after I’d hurt him and failed one of his strongest soldiers, but I didn’t have it in me to argue. Instead, I just let him carry me into his bathroom.
I was vaguely aware of a few things as he set me on the toilet, the blanket I was cocooned in falling to my waist. It felt like I had to focus everything to stay upright, and if it weren’t for Kai’s hand on my shoulder stabilizing me, I’d have pitched right over the side.
Blinking wearily, I saw I wasn’t in the same clothes I remembered, instead wearing a delicate, silken nightgown. It was far finer than anything I’d ever worn, but I didn’t really have it in me to appreciate it.
I heard water run for a while, I couldn’t tell how long, then Kai was in front of me again. I didn’t understand how such a strong, accomplished alpha could be so incredibly delicate as he extricated me from my blanket, then pulled the nightgown over my head. The next thing I knew, he was picking me up before stepping into the bath.
Warm water enveloped us, and the relief was immediate. I felt myself come back a little into my body, but it didn’t soften any of the awful things I felt or the terrible thoughts echoing through my mind.
The only thing I could do was lean back and let Kai’s strong arms envelop me as he slowly, tenderly, washed my body. I didn’t deserve his kindness, but I greedily devoured whatever he gave. Because the truth was, as independent as I wanted to seem, I needed him.
I was no longer willing to let him go.
I spent the rest of the day and night in Kai’s bed, with Darla and my mate bracketing me, taking care of my every need.
It was so beautiful, but at the same time I cursed myself for it. How dare I be so comforted, so tended to, when I’d failed Maddox? He was counting on and dying because of me. I didn’t deserve their kindness.
I clung to it, nonetheless, because I was both selfish and weak.
On the second day, I insisted I be able to at least see Mad Dog. Everyone was wary about letting me, but I promised I’d keep my hands and my magic to myself. I just needed to physically see he was alive.
He was, but barely. He had three different IVs hooked up to him, all of them pumping various things into him to keep him alive. I didn’t have to run a magical scan to feel the sickness radiating all around him, the air so thick I nearly staggered a few feet from the plastic.
Kai caught me, ever present, and guided me back to his quarters. I ate, but I was also determined not to just lay thereand pity myself. From there, I headed toward the library, Darla’s arm looped in mine.
My own curse forgotten, I was determined to find something, anything that’d help. Maybe a spell, or even a tidbit of information to put me on the right track. The shadow was playing dirty, but I was determined to beat it.
I threw myself into the research as soon as we were in the quiet room, Darla physically fetching books for me so I could sit and write down anything I thought was important. I knew Kai sent her to make sure I ate and drank plenty, but I didn’t mind the babysitting. Honestly, her watchful eyes made me feel strong enough to keep going even when my back was aching from holding myself up.
I was a wreck, wasn’t I? I hadn’t felt so weak in such a long while. But if I was feeling like this, then Mad Dog was experiencingsomuch worse.
Hours passed by, and maybe my eyes drifted closed once or twice for a couple of minutes, but for the most part I just kept leafing through things—kept looking for a clue.
I was knee-deep in a record book by the Merrik police which detailed suspected curse cases. It was informative, as well as horrific, but I wasn’t finding anything useful.
“I thought I might find you here.”
