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“Ayla, that’s the last thing on my mind right now. Please, just come to my quarters where I can get you an actual meal, you can take a long soak in my tub, and sleep in a bed that doesn’t smell like scent-repressing chemicals.” I couldn’t disguise the hurt in my tone, but I didn’t want to. I felt no need to pretend that my mate wasn’t upsetting me when she was shutting me out. “I can’t stand the thought of being away from you all night after we’ve been sleeping in each other’s arms this entire trip back.”
I swore I felt regret, pain, and love flow through our bond before it slammed shut with a mental clang that made both of us flinch.
“It would be better for both of us if we maintained decorum here in the fort. Yes, we are mates, but there is no relationship here. We are not friends. We are notlovers.We are linked in a way we never should have been and are making the best of it.”
It was like ice water ran through my veins. It wasn’t as if she was saying anything all that surprising, everything considered, but it still went against everything my instincts were clamoring for. Ayla and I madesense.Curse or not.
“I know that we’ve indulged because of the… nature of our excursion, but now that we’re back at the fort, we need to go back to how things were.”
“How things were?” I countered. “You mean with me being oblivious to your existence because you violated my mind with your magic?”
It was likely petty of me, but I did take satisfaction in the look of guilt that crossed her features. “I won’t do that again, I promise. But we should keep our distance.”
“But-”
“Goodnight, Captain.”
She tried to shut the door. It was against my normal principles, but I was pretty sure anyone would agree we weren’t exactly in a normal situation, so I grabbed the door, my nails digging into the hard wood.
“You can’t just pretend we’re not fated mates, Ayla. Not when we have such a strong connection. Youfelthow much better we are together out there. That doesn’t change now that we’re suddenly at Canid.”
“I’m not going to let anyone else get hurt on my account, least of all you. We were never anything, not truly, and we will go back to being nothing again. So,goodnight, Captain.”
I was pushed back by a wave of energy, my back pressing into the opposite wall as Ayla finished closing her door and locking it.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,fuck.
Icouldjust kick the door off its hinges and charge in there, but I knew that wasn’t the way to go. As angry as I was, as frustrated as I felt, I couldn’t force Ayla into anything she didn’t want.
Even if it was clear to me that she did want us, too much fear and too much violence were in the way.
So, as much as it pained me, I walked away. The journey to my quarters was a solemn one, but I vowed to myself that as soon as the battle with the Shrouded Shriek was over, I'd put my everything into convincing Ayla to stop fighting what we both so desperately craved.
In the meantime, it sure was hard getting to sleep without my mate at my side.
Chapter 22
Ayla
I didn’t sleep well.
It wasn’t exactly a surprise. After I gave Kai the brush off and sequestered myself in my room, I plopped myself in the shower and stayed there until I was about to fall over. I knew I probably should eat, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
Instead, I just laid in bed and wished I wasn’t alone. Kai was definitely right about the effect of sleeping together several nights in a row. I’d gotten used to his companionship, his warmth, and it made the lack of his presence feel like a sharp knife digging into my side, preventing me from ever getting comfortable.
When I woke, I was more than cranky. But I got dressed and escorted myself to the café, sleepily shoveling food into my mouth until Darla approached me.
“Oo, is that strawberries and cream oatmeal with that vanilla almond granola on top?” she said, streaking past me without enough of a pause for me to answer her. I didn’t have to wait long before she returned with a bowl of her own, though, and it was topped with a copious amount of fresh, chopped fruits. It was rare for us to have so much new produce that wasn’t canned, so I guessed I'd the local town’s harvests to thank for that.
“This will be perfect right before our meeting. Wanna walk together once we’re done, bestie?”
While I’d spent the last year coming to terms with Darla’s persistence, suddenly it really grated at my nerves.
“You know we can’t be besties,” I snapped. It would be so much easier to be a good, selfless person if the people around me weren’t so damninsistentabout getting themselves killed by magic they didn’t understand.
Darla just shrugged. Her and Kai should make a club for people who refused to see logic and fling themselves deep into a curse even the most powerful of my coven couldn’t break or figure out. They definitely would need a catchy name, though.
