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Shaking my head, I squeeze him tighter. I don’t want to talk about it. He’s okay. That’s all I need.
He rolls us until our positions are reversed, with me atop him now. Tucking my face into the crook of his neck, he strokes the skin at my nape, just below my hairline.
“Was the dream about your sister?” he asks in a low voice while his fingers continue their soothing path. “I don’t dream about mine that often anymore. My . . . other sister. I’m not sure if it’s easier, or harder. Sometimes, it feels like I’m betraying her because I don’t think about her as often as I once did.”
His voice is so strained. It’s as if he’s forcing himself to actually speak the words aloud. Not wanting to talk about certain things is a very familiar concept to me, and it’s painfully clear that he’s doing this for my benefit.
I lift my head and look my husband right in his eyes. “It wasn’t your fault,” I whisper. “Tara told me what happened. You did all you could.”
“Did I? My brain says I did. But my heart won’t let me accept that truth. It never will.” He cups my cheek in his palm. “It doesn’t matter what everyone says. Doesn’t matter that it was someone else’s doing. The heart will always take the blame because it can’t understand that the love it feels wasn’t enough to save a loved one from harm. And that’s okay, as long as the brain understands it.”
A tear escapes my eye, sliding down my cheek as his words resonate deep within me. He gets it. I’m not sure if anyone else could.
“My brain understands,” I mutter, but then realize that his eyes are still focused on mine.
Tilting my head up a bit, I wait for his gaze to move lower, then repeat my reply.
Tiny wrinkles appear in the corners of Drago’s eyes as he smiles. He wipes my tear away with his thumb, then traces the outline of my lips. “Who told you?”
“I figured it out a few weeks ago.” I glide my fingers through his hair. “Why don’t you wear hearing aids?”
“I did. They helped when there was no background noise. But with sounds all around or several people speaking at the same time, every single thing got amplified. I thought my fucking head was going to explode. It’s the same when I’m surrounded by very loud sounds now.”
“But, you run a club. It doesn’t get any louder than that.” I stare at him, completely dumbfounded by the realization of what he experiences every day. “And the meals here, with everyone always speaking at the same time? How do you manage?”
“I guess, I have a really thick head.” He smirks.
My God, the level of concentration and focus he needs to maintain every single day is unfathomable. I bite my lower lip.
“Can you . . . hear me?”
Drago’s eyes slide to mine, our gazes clashing. From what Keva told me, he probably can’t, but I’m still hopeful.
“Only when you’re next to me. But at a distance, even at just a few feet away, then no,” he says, his smile vanishing. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“It’s okay.” I lean in to kiss him just as a loud knock sounds at the door.
“It’s probably Filip. I have to go.” Drago takes a nip of my lower lip, then reaches inside his nightstand drawer and pulls out a velvet pouch. “For your fish tank.”
I undo the thin string and empty the contents on the bed. A bunch of green-colored crystals, in a multitude of shapes and sizes, spill onto the white sheet. They glisten in the overhead light as it reflects off the brilliant surface of the glass stones.
“Oh my God! I have notebook stickers that look just like that, only smaller. These are so pretty! Like little green diamonds.” I squeal in delight and take one in my palm. “Did you get them at that crystal shop in Brooklyn?”
“Not exactly.”
“Will the color wash out if I put them in the fish tank?”
A deep rumbling sound of Drago’s laughter fills the room. “I’m pretty sure it won’t.”
Chapter 20
“I think we should take Lollipop to a vet,” I mumble, following the orange fish with my eyes as it dashes this way and that between the water plants.
“Lollipop?” Tara raises an eyebrow.
“I like candy names,” I say and point my finger at the fish in question. “See that stripe on his right side? It wasn’t there before. Maybe he developed a skin condition.”
Tara leans forward, pressing her nose to the glass. “It looks normal to me. Just a part of the pattern on the scales.”
